Video

[killedwithlove]

Who: Cole
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Pathstone unless asked to go somewhere
When: Now-ish?


[The broadcast is very unusual, coming from Cole. He replies, sometimes, but he very rarely initiates communication through the network.

The camera points at the ceiling, catching just the edge of Cole's hat. He has it in his lap but doesn't try to look into it.]

I need someone who is able to kill me if I turn into a demon. Cassandra promised to, but she's gone and Jove and Solas said they would, but with them gone, I need someone to make sure I'm not a danger to people.

Comments

[sandhate]

I'm sorry to hear that, Cole. Can you talk about them?

Why them? What made them special?

[killedwithlove]

Yes, I can talk about them.

Jove is from Thedas, but not my Thedas. Solas is Solas, but he wasn't the Solas from my world, though he could have been.

Elly wasn't from Thedas, but she called me her big brother.

They were like a new family for me, here. That was what made them special.

[sandhate]

[ He can easily disregard the wheres and the whos. It's Cole's last point that connects the dots for him. ]

There has to be other people here who can be there for you the same way they were.

[killedwithlove]

You mean, I should just make a new family out of people I sort know.

[His voice sounds sort of flat at that. He has no idea what family really is. Solas and Jove and Elly were the closest he has ever had, and they made a family on their own and just included him in it.]

Have you done that? Put together a new family from strangers?

[sandhate]

[ He's aware of how much of his words seems unrealistic in the real world, where people could be selfish and cruel and have fates out of their own control. He's also aware that his own family weren't founded by him. They were brought together by something beyond them. It accumulates to Anakin not know if his words will help. But he could try. And he always tries. ]

I have. And ....it's as hard as it sounds. You have to let people in and open your own heart. And sometimes, that doesn't go the way you want.

I'm taught that all living things are connected through the Force. So technically, we aren't strangers at all.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole thought people were meant to take time to do that, because people didn't just share everything with each other all the time. But he didn't really know much about being a person.]

I'm always open. Cadash said I overshared a lot, and I know people when I meet them, but they don't know me the same way because they're not spirits...

Oh! You follow the Jedi teachings. Like Obi-Wan.

[sandhate]

[ He frowns. ] You... know them? Immediately?

Obi-Wan. You could say he's my family.

[killedwithlove]

Yes. What hurts. What will help. Layers, threads, little knots making pearls of indifference.

... you're Anakin. Brother, son, best friend, Anakin, no, cheeky grin, he'll be the death of me one day.

[sandhate]

Uh.

[ He's suddenly glad that they're not speaking in person. ]

Okay. I assume you talked to Obi-Wan already.

[killedwithlove]

Yes, he needed someone to talk to, so I came to talk to him. He worries a lot.

[sandhate]

He does. But don't worry about him, he'll be fine. He always is.

Cole. It sounds like you're solving everyone's hurts but not your own.

[ A course of action he's well acquainted with but damn if he'll admit it. He denies the irony of him talking about this, as you do ]

[killedwithlove]

I know how to help everyone else's hurts.

[sandhate]

Who's helping you with yours?

[killedwithlove]

Jove did. But she left.

And so did Elly and Solas. Same day.

[sandhate]

Let me help.

[killedwithlove]

How?

[sandhate]

You tell me, Cole.

How did anyone helped before?

[killedwithlove]

... I don't know.

Jove... hugged me. So did Rhys.

[sandhate]

[ Unsure ] I don't know if a hug from me would do much. But I could, if you think that would help.

[killedwithlove]

I don't know.

I didn't know how to hug anyone before Rhys. I don't think hugging you would be like hugging him or Jove.

[sandhate]

I don't think so either...

Alright. Let's go about this another way. You need people to be compassionate to you. To be Compassion Cole. Do you agree?

[killedwithlove]

... no.

Not to me. To each other.

[sandhate]

What, so you don't factor in it at all?

It doesn't matter as long as there's compassion between people?

[killedwithlove]

... yes?

I don't know. Solas knew. Compassion doesn't need compassion, just... people to be compassionate.

[sandhate]

[ That's fucked up ]

... And despair works the same way.