006 - Ode to a Superhero

[preformthisneigh]

Who: Cheese Sandwich, Pinkie Pie and EVERYONE. IT'S A PARTY
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Iskaulit
When: Today!

[Video: Encrypted from Pinkie Pie]

[Cheese appears on the screen with a wide grin and a wave of his hoof.]

Hey everypony!! Today is a super duper awesome day! It's Pinkie Pie's birthday! I know she's pretty new to the Fleet and all, but I've thrown her a little shindig and I'm sure she'd love as many of you lovely folks if you could show up. She will for sure pay it back in kind when your celebrations come up. I mean, if you think I'm a good party planner, you wait til you see her.

So yeah! If you wanna come celebrate her birthday, come on down to the Iskaulit. I'm gonna be bringing her over at about seven. It's gonna be a surprise!!

[Action: Iskaulit]

[And those coming aboard the Iskaulit will find glitterly arrows stuck to the walls, leading them to the room where Cheese has set up the "little shindig". There are balloons and streamers everywhere, bunting and banners hangs from the ceiling - all bearing the face of the aforementioned pink pony. Food tables stand to one side, filled with delicious (but vegetarian) dishes, while another table holds more deserts and treats than you could ever imagine. The center-piece is a birthday cake which seems to be in the shape of an aligator. But Cheese isn't actually that great at the culinary arts despite his name, so it's kind of hard to tell.

Regardless, it's clear a lot of effort has gone into this, and the theme PINKIE IS GREAT is perhaps a little too obvious. But this is what happens when you put others on pedestals. Time to party like they're not on a bunch of spaceships trapped in a reality TV show for the rest of time. Woooo!]

Comments

[spontaneouscombustion]

The Homelands? Hmmm no, neither of those sound too familiar. What are they?

[bb_wolf]

They're where all us Fables come from. Snow White, Prince Charming, Jack, useless fucking waste of space that he is, even me.

Blue calls us the Fairytale lands.

1/2

[spontaneouscombustion]

[Her eyebrow's still raised and she even tilts her head as he lists off those names; not ringing a single bell and what the heck was that word in between "useless" and "space"--]

2/2

[spontaneouscombustion]

[And then he says a more familiar f-word!]

OHHHHH you guys are fairy tales?! That's so cool~! Huh, never heard of any of those before!

[Although Snow White sounds like a run-of-the-mill pony name.]

[bb_wolf]

[He blinks slowly and then nods.]

I'm the Big, Bad Wolf.

[And gives a lazy yawn, showing all those very big, sharp teeth.]

[spontaneouscombustion]

Wow, those are some big sharp teeth!

[Big sharp teeth... and just a hint of doggy breath too. Pinkie pulls out a tiny, rod-shaped, pale green pill from... once again, nowhere in particular.]

Tic Tac?

[bb_wolf]

[Bigby stares at that display and then huffs, just a bit stronger.

Very oddly... his breath has something of mountain air and pine about it when he does. Also, because he's not a complete savage and does routinely clean his teeth.]

I don't trust something I can't see where it came from.

[spontaneouscombustion]

[Ooh, it does smell nice. And that's why she's only offering the one tiny candy instead of, like, a whole box of Icebreakers.]

Well that's a little silly! What if somebody sends you a present and it's wrapped but you don't know where they bought it?

[bb_wolf]

... I've never had a present. Never been an issue.

[spontaneouscombustion]

[GAAAASP!]

You've NEVER had a present?! EVER?!

[Good grief, it's like he just admitted to killing small children for funsies.]

[bb_wolf]

[... not for funsies...]

No. Why would I?

[spontaneouscombustion]

But-- but what about birthdays?! Holidays?! Just-because-days?! A PACK OF GUM?!

[CHEEEEEESE WHY HAS THIS WOLFIE NOT HAD A PARTY?!]

[bb_wolf]

I don't know when I was born. I don't celebrate holidays. I don't chew gum.

... Blue once gave me a fiver to get dinner. Does that count?

[spontaneouscombustion]

[... You poor, poor wolfie.]

I... you know what? Yes. Yes, I'm gonna count that!

[Bless you, Blue, if not for that fiver, Pinkie'd be crying on this poor canine's behalf.]

Who's Blue?

[bb_wolf]

Work mate. Runs the office back home. Boy Blue. He and Snow are meant to make sure I don't starve while I'm working as Sheriff.

[spontaneouscombustion]

Oh, wow, you're a sheriff? That's neat, it's been a while since I've seen a sheriff!

[Yeah, that was... certainly a day. Almost started a war too.]

So why do they call you the Big BAD Wolf if you're a nice wolf and a sheriff?

[bb_wolf]

Because I am the Big, Bad Wolf.

I'm the sheriff because everyone at home knows to fear me. People think twice about breaking the rules when they know I'll come after them.

[spontaneouscombustion]

Well, that doesn't make any sense. Why would they be afraid of you? It's not JUST because you're a big wolfy, is it? I mean you're not bad at all, from where I'M standing?

[bb_wolf]

I ate a lot of people.

... a lot of people.

[He could try and sound embarrassed or ashamed, but he isn't.]

[spontaneouscombustion]

... Oh. That... thaaat'd do it~

[Miiiiight be a good time to mention the "not for funsies" clause out loud.]

[bb_wolf]

I was hungry.

I don't do it anymore. I promised a friend, no more eating anything that can talk to me.

[spontaneouscombustion]

Ooookay, PHEW! That's good...

[Okay, so you're a FORMER bad guy. She's had a loooot of experience with those, so you're cool.]

[bb_wolf]

[Dammit, Pinkie, you're not meant to be so blasé. He is a manifestation of fear and danger, stop being adorable at him.]

Though I would eat Bluebeard given the excuse. He'd taste awful, but there's good flavour in satisfaction.

[spontaneouscombustion]

[Eh, you've faced one super evil bad guy, you've faced them all. Plus he's pretty mild even on that scale, considering-- wait did he just say he'd try to eat somebody WITHOUT being hungry?!]

WHAT?!

[bb_wolf]

What?!