driftfleet | Tourist, May I?

I know. Thanks.

[ she sighs ]

Let's go hang out in my office or something.

Sure.

[ he gets up, wishing he could do something more. ]

[ she closes the door after him and flops on the couch, hoping he'll follow suit ]

So I just had James-and-Lucy 2.0 happen with Hank.

[ he sits down carefully, taking up as little space as possible.

oh boy.

well, he talked to james about it. if he could suck up the awkwardness for james, he can absolutely manage it for kara. he's come a long way. he's with kitty. he's happy. and he's the only person here she's known for longer than a couple months, the only person here who knows what james-and-lucy 2.0 means.

(it still stings that he got friendzoned to death and hank, who is basically him if he were blue and into genetics instead of computer science got james-ed.) ]

Kara, I'm sorry.

[ her exchange with Winn did come to mind, which sucks. but she's not going to bring it up either ]

I'm just mortified more than anything else.

You have nothing to be mortified about.

[ in his opinion, they should be the ones beating themselves up - they have a chance to be with kara, and they keep blowing it. he just can't wrap his head around the concept. ]

What happened?

[ she shrugs ]

I went over and we were just chatting and I was making myself look like an idiot I guess because he told me his ex was here and it was complicated and he, quote, "didn't want to hurt me".

[ oh, that hurt is way too familiar. ]

Come on, you couldn't look like an idiot if you tried.

[ he tries to lighten the mood, at least a little, but it falls flat on his ears as well. there isn't much to say about a situation like this - it just sucks.

maybe this is for the better - it'll spare her the choice, the separation. he's pretty sure all that's keeping kitty away from national city is a portal. but hank has his own world to go to - and in theirs, there's james. but he's not sure saying that would make her feel any better. logic doesn't work all that well on the heart. he should know. ]

[ she leans her head on his shoulder, if she can ]

That's a lie and you know. I'm very awkward.

I'm awkward. You're cute.

[ he'll even stroke her hair, and try very hard not to feel awkward about this whole situation. it doesn't really work, but his best friend needs him right now, and awkward his life. a couple of months on the fleet have been spoiling him - but not rotten yet. ]

James and Hank are idiots.

Maybe.

[ sighs ]

The time thing was kind of weird with Hank anyway.

Yeah -- [ he tries to sound reassuring. is it working? ] he has a world to go back to, and for all we know James could show up tomorrow. Inter-dimensional relationshipping is complicated.

[ his has only been made simple by the horrible fact that his girlfriend is dead, and nobody really wanted him back home - no exes (banshees don't count, clearly that wasn't a relationship ok!), no tormenting over leaving your world or your love. he hates himself for even thinking it but it's true - it makes things easier. ]

I can't just sit and pine for James though. That sounds incredibly boring and silly.

No, but maybe something serious with a friend isn't the best way to go either.

[ it sounds like a recipe for losing a friendship and broken hearts all around. and the still hurt and bitter part of himself wants to growl at the concept. why hank and not him? ]

It definitely doesn't have to be serious.

[ though this is kara. "fling" isn't really a thing for her... ]

You can't be casual with a friend, Kara, feelings are involved from day one. The only thing you'll get out of pretending otherwise is a whole mess of broken hearts.

[ huff huff ]

I don't want to date someone I'm not friends with.

What do you want me to do, lie? You get involved with someone you care about, you're gonna care about them. It's freaking impossible to keep things casual around here. [ just look at how fast he and kitty are going. when he stops to think about it, it makes his head spin. she was still introducing him as her friend at the masquerade and now they've said I love you and they're spending almost every night together. he has no one to go home to, and neither does she, and this could still end up hurting them because being that involved, that invested, that fast...there's a reason why it's not a good idea. throw other people into the mix? and you've got a fool-proof recipe for disaster. ]

Say there was no Lucy 2.0. Say it went great. Say it's been a year, and we find our way back. You can't not come home - you can't leave Alex, you can't leave earth - we wouldn't stand a chance without you. [ the superhero can't get the interdimensional guy, at least. ] But Hank's got stuff to do too, with the mutant school, and so would most people you'd meet. And that's your happiest ending.

[ what is he doing? he started this out wanting so badly to be supportive. ]

[ she pulls away a bit, looking at him and trying to read his face. she's feeling like this was a mistake, but she can't stop herself from getting annoyed ]

So you're saying I should keep it to people from home, or not at all? How's that working out for you? My "happiest ending" is to go back to Earth and protect it and my cousin. That's my prime directive and it's killing me to be here, almost powerless, with no end in sight. So your read on that is that I should definitely be alone? It seems like an easy thing to say from your position, Winn.

I'm not afraid of hard choices. When the Black Mercy had control of me, I could've stayed in a perfect world, where everyone was alive and things went the way they should have. But I didn't. I chose to come back to you and Alex and everything. Because I know that life isn't painless. It doesn't mean I should try everything to avoid that pain; I'd miss out on all the good parts.

I'm saying -- you should be careful. [ he softens a little. he's come a long way, this isn't the time to move back. where's the guy he's been trying so hard to be? the one who isn't a slave to his own bitterness? he knows he's in there somewhere. ]

Choices are gonna be hard anyway, you don't have to make them impossible. Kitty and I are different - [ she has no world to go back to, but he can't bring himself to say it. it kills him inside, it kills him that it makes him happy to think that she would go with him, and it's not what made him go for it anyway. he didn't know when he was starting to fall for her. all he knew was that he liked her...and that this may be his only chance to ever find anyone like that who'd like him back. ]

- I don't have anyone waiting for me. And the truth is, Kara, if things were different, I could make whichever decision I want, it wouldn't matter. You'd be fine, and Ms. Grant would replace me in 5 seconds flat. But you -- you matter. I just don't wanna see you get hurt. [ he knows how much losing reid hurt kitty - it still does. kara's been hurt enough, and he doesn't have to dig around for the man he wants to be through the pile of bitterness and hurt anymore - it all melts away into a dull layer of pain. he really doesn't want to see her facing those decisions, losing someone she loves again. ] Like you said - you've done enough of it.

[ she relaxes somewhat ]

I appreciate what you're saying, Winn, but come on. You matter. I only have one best friend and I'd be completely lost without you. And I'm so, so happy that you and Kitty found each other here, but I can't be your third wheel forever.

You'd be fine.

[ ok, so the deo could still step up their hacking game - but he's not the only computer genius out there. and kara makes friends easier than he makes - made - programs. he doesn't matter, not in the long run, not for anything.

unless he manages to save kitty. then he'd have made a real difference with his life. but that's not the issue now.

he nudges her lightly. ]

I donno, I kinda made third-wheeling into n art, I could teach you all my trade secrets -

[ not that he ever considered her as a third wheel, but he understands feeling like one. ]

[ she elbows him lightly ]

Come on, stop it.

[ he pulls her in for a hug ]

You're not a third wheel, Kara. You're my best friend, and you're Kitty's friend, and we love hanging out with you. And I -- am actually almost done with a little side project. Figured we could revive the Super Mario marathons with my own take on the game -

[ oh, sorry, did you mean stop thinking that his life is basically meaningless? ]

Do your side projects have side projects, Winn?

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