tony (badass motherfucker) stark (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
privatizes) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
driftfleet2016-05-17 08:13 pm
privatizes) wrote in driftfleet2016-05-17 08:13 pm
ᴏᴏ1 : ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ
Who: Tony Stark [privatizes and YOU.
Broadcast: Fleetwide.
Action: S.S. Pathstone.
When: Now!
[ tony has spoken to some folks on the fleet already, and has figured out a number of things.
1. this is not the first time he has been here. apparently, there have been multiple versions of him here, and therefore a good number of people aboard the fleet knows who he is. whether or not that's a good thing is yet to be determined.
2. there are alternate dimensions, universes, and worlds. which he knew already, thanks to loki and his fucking magical mystery tour of hell a few years ago, but it's a lot different here. memory mismanagement, different versions of different people... hawkeye is a chick now? sure, whatever. okay.
3. he has no suit. he has no lab. he has no money. he has literally nothing that he usually brings to the table when he does this whole 'good guy' thing, and so he has to make do with the weapons he does have.
4. the reality tv thing is probably bullshit, but you know what? let's do this thing.
so when tony finally turns on the camera to greet the fleet properly, he's sitting at the communications station on the pathstone, fiddling with a screwdriver in his hands. ]
So.
[ smooth beginning ]
What's a guy gotta do for a decent latte around here?
[ that's it. that's the post. time to feel out how many people actually recognize him around here. but first: ]
[ encrypted; filtered to steve rogers, wanda maximoff, peggy carter, and the vision ]
Hey, gang. Avengers Assemble or whatever.
[ he really just wanted to say it once. but after that joke, tony grows a little more serious. ]
I set up an encrypted feed. You're all on the list. I'm the only one who can add people on and off it, so don't bother trying, 'cause I'll both notice and be pissed that you tried. The Atroma can probably read and listen to every single word, but I'm still not convinced the rest of the Fleet is as trustworthy or welcoming as they claim to be. Best we keep anything superhero related to ourselves.
[ and he pauses ]
They put me on the Pathstone. It has no shields and no weaponry, but it has a jacuzzi.
[ said in the world's most dry tone ]
And on a totally hypothetical note, what happens when you apply to be captain on the computer?
privatizes and YOU.Broadcast: Fleetwide.
Action: S.S. Pathstone.
When: Now!
[ tony has spoken to some folks on the fleet already, and has figured out a number of things.
1. this is not the first time he has been here. apparently, there have been multiple versions of him here, and therefore a good number of people aboard the fleet knows who he is. whether or not that's a good thing is yet to be determined.
2. there are alternate dimensions, universes, and worlds. which he knew already, thanks to loki and his fucking magical mystery tour of hell a few years ago, but it's a lot different here. memory mismanagement, different versions of different people... hawkeye is a chick now? sure, whatever. okay.
3. he has no suit. he has no lab. he has no money. he has literally nothing that he usually brings to the table when he does this whole 'good guy' thing, and so he has to make do with the weapons he does have.
4. the reality tv thing is probably bullshit, but you know what? let's do this thing.
so when tony finally turns on the camera to greet the fleet properly, he's sitting at the communications station on the pathstone, fiddling with a screwdriver in his hands. ]
So.
[ smooth beginning ]
What's a guy gotta do for a decent latte around here?
[ that's it. that's the post. time to feel out how many people actually recognize him around here. but first: ]
[ encrypted; filtered to steve rogers, wanda maximoff, peggy carter, and the vision ]
Hey, gang. Avengers Assemble or whatever.
[ he really just wanted to say it once. but after that joke, tony grows a little more serious. ]
I set up an encrypted feed. You're all on the list. I'm the only one who can add people on and off it, so don't bother trying, 'cause I'll both notice and be pissed that you tried. The Atroma can probably read and listen to every single word, but I'm still not convinced the rest of the Fleet is as trustworthy or welcoming as they claim to be. Best we keep anything superhero related to ourselves.
[ and he pauses ]
They put me on the Pathstone. It has no shields and no weaponry, but it has a jacuzzi.
[ said in the world's most dry tone ]
And on a totally hypothetical note, what happens when you apply to be captain on the computer?
Video
a lot. ]
Fantastic. Also, at home.
[ lightly, but his tone is still guarded, and he's obviously not as chummy as he sounds ]
How's rotting in a shiny new interdimensional space prison been treating you? This one looks great, and has free cable. Can't beat a good deal on being held hostage, right?
Video
Better than the last two, but you wouldn't know. Not nearly as mathematically interesting without Jane about.
Video
[ god, where are bruce and thor when tony needs them, because he needs them around desperately. ]
And something tells me the last thing Thor's ladyfriend needs or wants is to see your ugly mug again, but hey. Maybe she's more forgiving than I am.
Video
[He smiles crookedly.]
You'd be surprised. In one life I died for her and Thor, and in another, she and I were quite good friends.
Video
[ aka: none of the previous tonys that were wandering around here were him. ]
You're not going to fool me with the whole 'nice guys finish last' routine. Not happening. Save your breath for someone who'll give you a penny for your thoughts. I just need to know that you're going to keep your hands to yourself, and then we're done here.
Video
[He rolls his eyes.]
I'm not attempting to convince you of anything, Tony, as I'm well aware what words I say are utterly meaningless. You shall believe whatever you like regardless of what truth or lie I lay out. So really, I'm just talking to myself.
Video
[ a bit sharply ]
Let's say you've redeemed yourself and you've really done all of that stuff -- good for you. Proud of you for completing your 12 step program and getting your life together. Chat it up with the rest of your buddies and we'll have a huge party celebrating your sobriety from being a jackass. That doesn't change the fact that you tried to blow up New York City, or tried to kill my friends. I'll buy the whole 'alternate personality' thing because I have no choice, but that's not gonna change who you are to me.
[ and he raises his hands slightly, in a show of peace ]
You mind your business, I'll mind mine. [ lmao yeah right ] Cakewalk.
Video
Please, Tony.
Let me tell you how this actually goes.
I mind my own business because I've been in this situation before and have long since concluded that there isn't anything more pointless than being the king of a tiny, sad fishbowl that exists at the whim of gaolers--and besides, I don't do that any more. You and Steve Rogers cozy up and get your little cabaret act together again, and do your best to make my life slightly more annoying by telling the world what a naughty man I am whilst trying to set off my paranoias by scrutinizing me despite claims that you won't. Then when something untoward does happen, I get blamed for it, there's a mess, and if someone gets very nervy I'm forced to defend myself, which doesn't end well for anyone.
And the dance starts again.
I've done it. Many times. I'm bored with it.
Video
"i don't do that any more." why? what happened to change his mind? loki is a professional pain in the ass; it's literally in his job description. so what's going on? what changed, in this alternate version of him?
tony needs to research, and figure it out, and know.
but on the surface, he's just casually looking at the ceiling before refocusing his attention on loki once he's done talking ]
-- yeah, I have a tolerance for about two solid sentences of whining before I tune out and start to think of better things to do than listen to whoever is talking at me about things I don't care about.
Are you done?
Video
Mmm. Try it on someone who doesn't know you as well as I do.
Do look me up when you reach the inevitable trying to invent a machine to help you escape across the dimensions stage. I've everything from last time still. [He taps one finger lightly on his temple, then reaches to cut the channel.]
Video
no. he's not taking the bait. and before the feed is cut, tony just waggles his fingers. ]
Toodles.
[ and tony, himself, disconnects the feed ]