ᴏᴏ1 : ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ

[privatizes]

Who: Tony Stark [privatizes and YOU.
Broadcast: Fleetwide.
Action: S.S. Pathstone.
When: Now!

[ tony has spoken to some folks on the fleet already, and has figured out a number of things.

1. this is not the first time he has been here. apparently, there have been multiple versions of him here, and therefore a good number of people aboard the fleet knows who he is. whether or not that's a good thing is yet to be determined.

2. there are alternate dimensions, universes, and worlds. which he knew already, thanks to loki and his fucking magical mystery tour of hell a few years ago, but it's a lot different here. memory mismanagement, different versions of different people... hawkeye is a chick now? sure, whatever. okay.

3. he has no suit. he has no lab. he has no money. he has literally nothing that he usually brings to the table when he does this whole 'good guy' thing, and so he has to make do with the weapons he does have.

4. the reality tv thing is probably bullshit, but you know what? let's do this thing.

so when tony finally turns on the camera to greet the fleet properly, he's sitting at the communications station on the pathstone, fiddling with a screwdriver in his hands. ]

So.

[ smooth beginning ]

What's a guy gotta do for a decent latte around here?

[ that's it. that's the post. time to feel out how many people actually recognize him around here. but first: ]

[ encrypted; filtered to steve rogers, wanda maximoff, peggy carter, and the vision ]

Hey, gang. Avengers Assemble or whatever.

[ he really just wanted to say it once. but after that joke, tony grows a little more serious. ]

I set up an encrypted feed. You're all on the list. I'm the only one who can add people on and off it, so don't bother trying, 'cause I'll both notice and be pissed that you tried. The Atroma can probably read and listen to every single word, but I'm still not convinced the rest of the Fleet is as trustworthy or welcoming as they claim to be. Best we keep anything superhero related to ourselves.

[ and he pauses ]

They put me on the Pathstone. It has no shields and no weaponry, but it has a jacuzzi.

[ said in the world's most dry tone ]

And on a totally hypothetical note, what happens when you apply to be captain on the computer?

Comments

video

[takingkarabusiness]

[ Kara responds to his video, in a positive mood, having not met him before ]

While some of our fleetmates are making good headway with the whole food science thing, your best bet is to consult someone with a cooking augment, or just suck it up and try the powdered stuff.

video

[privatizes]

[ young girl, pretty. decent vocabulary. average, on the surface. doesn't seem to recognize him. ]

And what happens if your ship doesn't have someone with one of those? You put out an ad?

[ because tony, while kind of joking about the latte, is totally not joking about the latte ]

[Video]

[spontaneouscombustion]

Oh, OH! First you've gotta have a level III kitchen on your ship! Then you'll get a coffee pot and coffee grounds and powdered milk!

[He... probably didn't mean that literally but HEY, now you've got a cute little pony on your screen!]

[Video]

[privatizes]

[ ................. ]

I'm sorry, are you a talking horse?

[ yup sorry not really going to get past that one what in the hell are you? ]

Video

[complicatedliar]

[Probability that this is the Tony he knew? Vanishingly small. Worth trying? Eh, he's bored. He'll have to deal with him eventually.

Or at least, brush him off eventually.

So he appears, chin resting casually on one hand, expression faintly amused.]

And how are your race cars these days, Tony?

Video

[privatizes]

[ peggy already warned him, so tony doesn't display much surprise. but loki is still dangerous, even if he's decided to play nice. you can't trust him as far as you can throw him, and tony has tried.

a lot. ]

Fantastic. Also, at home.

[ lightly, but his tone is still guarded, and he's obviously not as chummy as he sounds ]

How's rotting in a shiny new interdimensional space prison been treating you? This one looks great, and has free cable. Can't beat a good deal on being held hostage, right?

video

[passingthrough]

[Age of Apocalypse didn't play with non-X-based Marvel teams much better than Fox plays with the MCU, so this girl does not recognize the man on the screen by sight. His name will have a more complicated reaction.]

Have a really good imagination or the ability to manipulate reality.

video

[privatizes]

I have a great imagination, but I leave the whole 'manipulating reality' thing to other people. Not exactly my forte.

[ virtual reality, maybe, but actual reality, nah. tony is good on that. ]

They forgot to install a Starbucks on our interdimensional tour?

[ video ]

[axiomed]

Are they so difficult to make?

[ video ]

[privatizes]

I have no idea; I've never made one.

[ tony is an unabashed rich kid ]

At least, not without a milk steamer and a machine. I guess I could build one, but I didn't exactly need to work my way through college as a barista. It'd be way easier to find some nice person to just give me one for money.

[ think smart, not hard, professor x ]

video;

[beathach]

I - can't say I'm familiar with the drink, but I'm sure someone here has figured it out by now.

video;

[privatizes]

[ . . . ]

You've never had a latte?

video

[resnipstance]

Hey! You're finally on a ship!

Come on over to the Starstruck, I need your engineering augment for help with something.

[Because guess who is totally assuming his augment is the same.]

video ; private

[privatizes]

[ and he puts a filter in place ]

Yeah, about that, I don't have one.

[ WHICH IS UTTER BULLSHIT ]

Communications. Someone thought they were being cute.

text;

[robitussin]

sorry dude i think you're sol

text;

[privatizes]

Goonies never say die.

When's the last time you looked for one?

video

[grandstanding]

Amass credits, then wait until we go somewhere that sells them.

video

[privatizes]

[ . . . ]

Yeah.

[ pause ]

Or we could just figure out how to make one and not wait for Planet Starbucks.

Video

[tallasaking]

Latte ... latte. Hold on.

[Tyrion flipped through a book, frowning until he found a description.]

Hmmm - well they can be made but I am doubtful of their quality.

Video

[privatizes]

Go big or go home.

[ lightly ]

If you have a milk steamer, it should be possible, right? Just gotta track down someone with one, or build one. Whichever comes first, or if I lose interest by then.

video;

[geonomy]

[Ooooh yes, Tony is definitely familiar to Clay, considering the guy used to be on his ship. And he didn't recognize him last time he was here, so Clay expects no different, but... still. Former Crewmate. Clay feels a sort of need to look out for him, in a way.]

No lattes, but how's coffee sound?

video;

[privatizes]

All of you people are unnaturally nice.

[ this is not the first person to offer coffee, clearly ]

Is it in the poison water outside, or does the Atroma only bring nice people willing to help people here?

encrypted »

[mucked]

Happy to be included. [ is there a hint of surprise? maybe. just a little. but it's soon overcome by professionalism. she wouldn't mind having a look at his code, but perhaps that's not the best opening salvo. so instead: ]

And if you apply, then I suppose the Atroma consider your qualifications. Doesn't the Pathstone already have a captain?

encrypted »

[privatizes]

Cap would've insisted anyway, and you're not an ex-HYDRA experiment.

[ which about sums up the qualifications for joining the avengers, really ]

Pathstone's got a captain, but the computer let me apply anyway. [ uh ] Haven't met the guy yet, but I'm assuming he'll get around to introducing himself eventually. The roster says his name is Crowley.

encrypted audio;

[unbearablynaive]

Congratulations on being allowed outside the Marsiva, Mr. Stark.

[As much as he would have expected Tony to have Engineering, it's actually quite useful to have him on Communications. Hopefully Tony isn't too disappointed by that.]

I became captain when I was First Mate and our captain departed, but it accepted my first mate application with no difficulty. I believe there was a ship or two that had multiple captains at one point.

encrypted audio;

[privatizes]

Thanks, I guess. Not sure how much of an improvement this one is, but the decorations are less prison-y.

[ ......... ]

So it just accepted your application without doing a background check or anything?

[ w h o o p s ]

Encrypted; Text

[notmutantbutmiracle]

An encrypted feed that only you can oversee, since you don't trust others... I would make a joke about your obsession with control if it wasn't so unoriginal.

Encrypted; Text

[privatizes]

You're going to talk to me about control issues, Miss I-Can-Control-Minds-When-I'm-Mad?

If anybody else has a communications augment and actually knows what they're doing, I'd be willing to entertain some ideas. But Cap can barely use a microwave, so you're going to have to deal with me for now.

You're on it, aren't you? So I trust you.

video; totally not late to the party or anything

[bryces_pup]

[The fuck is a latte.]

Whatever that is, if there's a gel or paste version in your ship's kitchen, be leery. It typically tastes like Mabari shit.

video; never late!

[privatizes]

No idea what a Mabari is, but the word 'shit' is pretty universal.

[ tony is not looking forward to having to live off of that, if he's here for that long ]

video;

[universal_charm]

In my experience? Have the engineering augment, a lot of luck, and know a lot of nice words to whisper to the coffee maker.

_{[ Theirs, so far, has behaved. For now. ]}

video; private

[privatizes]

Let's say, hypothetically speaking, that you're a mad scientist type that's crazy awesome with engineering, but you lack said augment.

[ pause ]

And let's say, hypothetically speaking, that if someone gets me the parts to build a latte machine, I'd be down for sharing.

Video (super late, but why not)

[pain_train]

[Well, she technically does recognize him. Going to attempt to be friendly. Again.]

Hi, Tony!

Um. I figured out a really awesome mix to make hot chocolate, would that help? None of the protein gels tastes right for coffee though.

Video nah not late at all!

[privatizes]

[ . . . ]

Can you put caffeine into the hot chocolate? And make it foamy?

[ MOCHA LATTES HERE HE COMES ]