driftfleet | ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ | rats are people too

Who: Dezel and you
Broadcast: Yes
Action: The Golden
When: Now

[video]

[A group of ship vermin are all sitting in a circle, waiting patiently for... something. A bowl full of scraps appears and seems to float in the air before it sits down in front of them. The rats make cute happy little noises as they dig into the food.

... And then, the greatest evil comes.

The roomba.

One of the tiny maintenance robots comes screaming around the corner at high speed. DIRT DETECTED. [...] PESTS DETECTED. It heads straight for the the poor rats. They all scatter save for one really fat one, who's too focused on the food to notice what's coming.

But what's this-- the droid is scooped up by someone invisible! Dezel's voice might be familiar to some; it's the "don't sleep in my room" guy.]

Leave. The animals. Alone.

[A thin wire appears. With a hard jerk, he shreds the cleaning droid into pieces. Imagine if that had been someone's neck.]

It's all right. You can come out now. [And then the rats come scurrying out of their little holes again. A couple of them crawl over Dezel's invisible shoes, then go back for the food.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Is it really the barking? Or is it because they can sense you?

[GIVE DOGS A CHANCE, MIKLEO!!!]

It's definitely the barking!

[He doesn't have this issue with any other animal, dude.]

You can train them--

[DOGS ARE SILENT COMPANIONS!!!!!!!!!!]

Never mind.

[They already had this discussion like ten thousand times.]

Just let me know when to come over.

[What's a few thousand more, amirite]

Why don't you just come now? I'll have the food out by the time you get here.

[They probably would if Dezel hadn't fucked up his immortality.]

All right. Give me a few minutes. I want to make sure the captain doesn't toss them out the airlock while I'm gone.

[He respects Hera, but she is entirely wrong about the rats.]

Your captain wants them gone, too?

[tersely] Change of plans. She's going to kill them if I don't clear them from the ship.

[She's not a human, but he's starting to think that mortals are all the same.]

The big ship has its own colony by now. I hope they have an even temperament.

You mean Iskaulit?

[Actually, that makes the most sense. There's less likely to be murderbots over there without maintenance crew members, right?]

There's already a room for the foxes. I'm sure you can make one for the rats, too.

Yeah.

[It's really not a bad idea, all things considered.]

That'll take time. I'll have to warn them away from the foxes.

There aren't as many foxes in the fleet, and I don't see them too often on the ship, so they should be easy to avoid.

[He should know, he's an expert at avoiding them by now.]

If your captain's making immediate threats, though, you can move your rats to the Huntress until then. Just make sure they know to keep away from the bots.

[He's practically seething, though it's more audible than visible for obvious reasons.]

I'm coming over then. I don't think I'm going to be welcome here for a while.

Feel free. It isn't like anyone here can order us to get rid of them.

[Perks of his being made captain, apparently.

and yaaaaay they get to deal with pissy Dezel, his favourite thing]

[He snorts derisively.] Yeah, well. I'm only complying with her demands because I know she'll kill them.

[He's so done.]

No compromise? She's the pilot on the Golden, isn't she? Sora liked her well enough.

[Maybe she's just really stubborn about rats or something.]

She's all right.

[A pause.]

I don't like being bossed around. I guess it was inevitable.

Most people don't.

Either way, conflict averted. I'll see if I can find a secluded corner of the ship where the rats can nest until they're moved.

... Thanks. [Look, he's trying.] I've given up trying to purify the moon, so I have some free time. The rats will be out of your hair soon.

[literally.]

...Yeah, I gave up on that, too.

[Getting basically bedridden was lesson enough that he's powerless here. The whole place sucks.]

[GOD THIS WHOLE PLACE REALLY DOES SUCK]

Next time I do something that stupid, hit me.

I feel like I'm not in a good position to judge, considering I had the same idea.

[And got the same result out of it, unfortunately.]

ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ | rats are people too

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