mk.04 (text)

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Who: Kaworu Nagisa and anyone who has the time to read his super boring blogpost (or anyone who's having tech troubles?!)
Broadcast: fleetwide
Action: N/A
When: 6/6

I did something recently, and I was reminded of how enjoyable it is. So: you can let me know if you're trying to repair or operate any electronics, and I can help. :)

It led me to something interesting, though. Fleet, I'm wondering: can you trace the lines of your special course back to one outstanding event? There are many things which contribute to the quality and experience of a person's life -- first love, rebellion against authority, the realization of goals; death and loss, apathy then grief; the stunning circumstances surrounding a birth. But maybe there's a day that prophesied your fate, and it could be that, at the time, you had no idea an extraordinary event was happening. That's how it happened for me. I couldn't have known that the day of one person's birth was enough to present me with purpose. It would take some time for me to realize that. It's a joy to know that this one event which was predestined for me is something to be celebrated. What about you? The moment that stands out to you as fate's hand, did you know right away that it would change your life? Or were you blindsided?

Now, while I'm thinking of all that... I'd like to request something of Ikari Shinji-kun.

Comments

text.

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[Dear God, will he ever stop sounding like a high philosophy professor?]

I didn't.

Are you sure you don't need anything?

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[Maybe someone ought to tell him he sounds like a pretentious jackwad. Whatever, his vibe is too bright to harsh right now; not even the loom of spending time with Shikinami is going to daunt him too extremely.]

Really? That's a bit surprising...

I have everything ready. How much time do you need?

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[Someday when it's not Shinji's birthday, Asuka might oblige. Might. But today she's far too determined to make things go well to snipe, no matter how easy he makes it.]

Why is that surprising?

Okay. I don't need any.

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From what I understand, you've had several experiences that were [...] particularly life-changing. It seemed like none of that should have happened to you, and I wondered if perhaps you felt that way about it too.

[But, uh, that's kind of awkward, so: ]

I'll try not to take too long. When we're finished here, we'll probably take it to his quarters so that it can be kept there. After that...

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Nobody thinks what happened to them should have happened to them. That's just obvious.

After that, what?

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Do you think so?

After that, we'll all spend some time together. Would you like me to tell him in advance, or let him find out for himself?

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Yeah. Even if you believe in fate, that doesn't make you any more accepting of yours.

Surprise him.

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[He doesn't want to argue with her. He's not going to argue with her. But, to be sure, every death has felt deserved. All he'll say is,]

I don't know that it has to do with fate.

I appreciate [He types "this". Stares at it. Erases it. Feels pretty tired, pretty bad. But...] you.

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Then what does it have to do with?

...

You mean that?

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[This isn't easy to navigate, but... at this point, very few conversations are.]

I may believe in fate, but I believe in free will, too. The decisions a person makes have consequences. Maybe a choice can lead to something bad. So it goes.

And, yeah, I mean that.

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I don't see how you can have both.

Thank you.

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You know, I was raised to believe that my destiny was very specific. It wasn't until I made my own choices that I could make that destiny into something else entirely, something that was my own.

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But none of the choices you make happen in a vacuum. They affect other people, too. But I guess that was the whole point.

Forget it. I don't want to argue today.

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[Yikes. He has to pause before answering her, and he's glad she can't see his face right now.]

We won't argue. I'm glad for your input regardless.

:)

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I shouldn't have said that.

[Asuka's never had any urge to be better than she was in any way that wasn't quantifiable. Better grades, better aim, better sync rates-- that was the kind of improvement she understood. But being a better person is next to impossible, apart from tiny concessions that she keeps undoing at every moment.]

You're not like I thought you were.

[paraclete]

No, it's all right. I

[...]

just want to be Nagisa Kaworu. That's who I am, whatever anyone thinks of it.