mk.04 (text)

[paraclete]

Who: Kaworu Nagisa and anyone who has the time to read his super boring blogpost (or anyone who's having tech troubles?!)
Broadcast: fleetwide
Action: N/A
When: 6/6

I did something recently, and I was reminded of how enjoyable it is. So: you can let me know if you're trying to repair or operate any electronics, and I can help. :)

It led me to something interesting, though. Fleet, I'm wondering: can you trace the lines of your special course back to one outstanding event? There are many things which contribute to the quality and experience of a person's life -- first love, rebellion against authority, the realization of goals; death and loss, apathy then grief; the stunning circumstances surrounding a birth. But maybe there's a day that prophesied your fate, and it could be that, at the time, you had no idea an extraordinary event was happening. That's how it happened for me. I couldn't have known that the day of one person's birth was enough to present me with purpose. It would take some time for me to realize that. It's a joy to know that this one event which was predestined for me is something to be celebrated. What about you? The moment that stands out to you as fate's hand, did you know right away that it would change your life? Or were you blindsided?

Now, while I'm thinking of all that... I'd like to request something of Ikari Shinji-kun.

Comments

[beathach]

[wow that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said about it]

That's nice of you to say, thank you. Lonely is one word for it. And at the time I wasn't ready to say that I was like them, either, but I'm glad it came out. I'm still close with them now.

I'm glad you're able to trace back to your moment, too.

[paraclete]

Readiness can take some time to come. But it's worthwhile. :)

Thank you. I was only several months old, so of course I had no idea. But now I'm more grateful for it than for anything else.

[beathach]

It is. It took a long time to be alright with it after. Still does sometimes. But not with them.

That's good to hear. It's good to realize what we're grateful for.

[paraclete]

It helps, doesn't it? To realize that you are not truly alone?

[beathach]

It does.

[paraclete]

Then I am relieved for you, my friend. Whether or not you and I are dissimilar, I know what it means to find companionship and something peaceful. :)

[beathach]

I would say that makes us similar enough.

[paraclete]

:) :) :) :) :)

Thanks. It's nice to be reminded that everyone has something in common.

[beathach]

[that is a lot of smiley faces Kaworu]

It is. But even if we didn't have that it's not a bad thing.

[paraclete]

[He's doing a lot of smiling!!]

The sort of thing where we celebrate our differences, you mean?

[beathach]

Right. There's nothing wrong with it.

[paraclete]

I like people who are different from myself. But,

[...]

Have you ever wanted to emulate them?

[beathach]

No, not really. One of those people - we share a field of study, so I looked up to him for a long time. But it never got to the point of wanting to emulate him in any way.

[paraclete]

I see.

[Never mind that when Kaworu looks up to someone, he's looking down on himself. Never mind that once he realized how flawed he was, he wanted desperately to be someone else. Never mind that despite all his attempts at reshaping himself, nothing's been good enough.

Instead: ]

A sense of self is a very important thing. When you're secure in your own identity, you can more directly address your own needs and ambitions. But I do think it's nice to have someone you admire, too.

[beathach]

It's important, I agree. But it's difficult as well. I still struggle with it sometimes, and it's been years. There's a difference between knowing who you want to be and actually getting to the point where you feel you are that person. It's a constant.

I think so too, though. Having someone you admire, I mean.

[paraclete]

I'm curious to know what you might say to an individual discontent with who they are.

[beathach]

It would honestly depend on why they feel that way. And if they don't mind a hypocrite offering them advice.

[paraclete]

:)

That's fair...

Sometimes I forget that things aren't necessarily universal.

[beathach]

Not all the time, no.

But if someone did feel that way, I'd still offer advice. General advice, since it can't always be universal. And sometimes it helps just speaking to someone who understands on some level.

[paraclete]

[It's nice. It sounds nice. It would probably be nice. ...]

You're nice.

I mean that. You've been a kind person, and anyone would be fortunate to listen to your insight.

[beathach]

[he's no Charles Xavier, but he won't say that]

Thank you. It's the least I can do, considering.

[. . . hmm]

If you or anyone you know feels that way and wants to talk about it, my name is Hank McCoy and I'm on the Blameless.

[paraclete]

[His first thought is not for himself, but for Shinji. Talk about a person who doesn't like himself. And of course he's Kaworu's greatest concern... But Kaworu also is familiar enough with Shinji to know that there's little chance of getting his friend to open up to someone entirely new.

It does occur to Kaworu to seek some advice for himself, but he smothers that quite quickly.]

It's been wonderful to meet you. Mr. McCoy, then? And my name is Kaworu Nagisa.

It's good to make a new friend.

:)

[beathach]

Just Hank, please. It's a pleasure to meet you too, Kaworu.

I'm glad you think so.