mk.04 (text)

[paraclete]

Who: Kaworu Nagisa and anyone who has the time to read his super boring blogpost (or anyone who's having tech troubles?!)
Broadcast: fleetwide
Action: N/A
When: 6/6

I did something recently, and I was reminded of how enjoyable it is. So: you can let me know if you're trying to repair or operate any electronics, and I can help. :)

It led me to something interesting, though. Fleet, I'm wondering: can you trace the lines of your special course back to one outstanding event? There are many things which contribute to the quality and experience of a person's life -- first love, rebellion against authority, the realization of goals; death and loss, apathy then grief; the stunning circumstances surrounding a birth. But maybe there's a day that prophesied your fate, and it could be that, at the time, you had no idea an extraordinary event was happening. That's how it happened for me. I couldn't have known that the day of one person's birth was enough to present me with purpose. It would take some time for me to realize that. It's a joy to know that this one event which was predestined for me is something to be celebrated. What about you? The moment that stands out to you as fate's hand, did you know right away that it would change your life? Or were you blindsided?

Now, while I'm thinking of all that... I'd like to request something of Ikari Shinji-kun.

Comments

[astrobleme]

[It doesn't make sense to Shinji. It really doesn't make any sense to him when he thinks about how much this person looks up to him, idolizes him, treats him like a precious element that only exists on one meteor in the entire universe. He used to wish for a knight in shining armor--just someone who would rescue him from his guardian's place, his father's judgment. Someone who would run away with him on all kinds of fun adventures. In reality, though, such a person, such an ideal, a sometimes frightening ideal, shouldn't be able to exist. Shinji doesn't understand how such a person can exist for real.

If Nagisa Kaworu were in love with someone else, someone who's genuinely good, maybe it would make more sense. But he has fallen head over heels for someone whose greatest daily accomplishment is tying his own shoelaces. Even then, the shoelaces tend to be a little messy, crooked, in need of a redo, which is how they are right now. As Kaworu approaches him, he's more and more hyper-aware of his flaws and mistakes, including his stupid crooked shoelaces.]

Kaworu-kun...

[But maybe because it's his birthday, there's a groundswell of something other than confusion and self-hatred. It can't be gratitude--it's too deep for that, even though he's grateful, too. It's an emotion that makes him want to take Kaworu someplace very dark, very quiet, with only the two of them. They would never have to leave each other again.]

Kaworu-kun.

[It shouldn't be this hard to say "thank you," but he can't seem to move on from the opulence of saying Kaworu's name and watching him sparkle. Now they're holding hands, and Shinji is looking at his face intently, smiling uncontrollably. Kaworu has cool hands, maybe unusually cool hands, all smooth and perfect, like a doorknob left to sit at room temperature. He's the doorway to good things, that's what he is. It's through him that Shinji can be anything other than a worthless wreck.]

Kaworu-kun-- [Even as he says that again, he begins to cry. Hot and fast, the tears slide down and invade his mouth while he clutches Kaworu's hand as tightly as he can.] Kaworu-kun, I d-don't know how I'm supposed to repay you.