Windrose June Mingle!

[passingthrough]

Who: SS Windrose + Visitors
Broadcast: Unlikely
Action: SS Windrose
When: June — anytime!

[Now featuring bathroom rank II for all your bathtub and and additional ten minutes of water per hour needs! We also have more and faster shuttles! Just last month we made it to actual double-sized beds for all your double-sized fun. Special features include a hanging medicinal herb garden in the cargo bay complete with bacon-flavored kelp and Officer Snuggles the resident security fox!

Please enjoy your stay. Unless you're The Stalker. There's a sandwich bag waiting for you.]

Comments

[reconstitution]

[ He doesn't stop her. He lets her talk while that look of understood horror creeps onto his face. They feel the same about a lot of things, but god, he didn't know it was this bad. It's painful for him to watch her be like this. Unsure of her purpose or-- the fact that she's fucking real. She's as real as he is, and is she doesn't think she is, what the fuck does that mean for him?

Winter opens his mouth to say something, and at first nothing comes out. He shakes his head subtly. ]

Having someone mess with your head isn't on you. It's not on me, either. Doesn't make you any less real. [ He gives her hand a gentle squeeze to prove his point. Really, this is the pot calling the kettle black, but hopefully she won't call him out on it. ]

We're both broken..but we're not dead.

[ If he can figure out this shit, she can, too. They can wade through the shit together. He worries his lower lip between his teeth, eyebrows furrowed. ]

Jim-- used to say something. One of the most important things anybody's ever told me. He said 'together or not at all'..

[pain_train]

[He voice is soft, almost toneless.] I used to think all my bullshit, like my hair and my stupid shoes and shit were like... me still being me, in spite of everything. But I think I was wrong, and it's all something a Compliance officer invented, because it was more effective.

[It's certainly made her better at dealing with people than soldiers more like General Ravani.

The last thing he says does get her attention away from the built-up misery she'd been telling herself wasn't something anyone needed to be bothered with--fuck, why dump it all on Winter, of all people?

Except--together or not at all.] Together?

[It sounds a hell of a lot better than spinning in circles by herself, that's for sure, but hasn't Winter been through enough? But she wants a direction, any kind of direction, because she can't figure it out herself.]

[reconstitution]

What about here? Compliance has nothing to do with the fleet. I don't think those things are made up.

[ Then again, how the fuck would he know? He didn't even know who he was until a few months ago.. But he doesn't think that Wrath is fake. How much influence can someone have dimensions away? Surely, none.

Winter will listen as long as he's needed. He will shoulder all of Wrath's burden on top of his own because it offers distraction from his own shit. It makes him feel useful. Like a person.

He offers a subtle nod, eyebrows knotted in worry. Though really, the expression hasn't left his face since he came to visit. If helping Wrath is the only thing he's good for, then dammit, he will. ]

We can start with small stuff. Things that you like. Write them down? They can't take what you built here, right? ..Same as me.

[pain_train]

The fleet's real... [Has she really changed since she got to the fleet? She doesn't know. She doesn't think so.

She swallows thickly. Action. Something to do. That's better than all this useless not-quite-crying about something she can't fix. What a fucking mess. Better to focus. Concrete things.]

I've got the work log Charles told me to keep. [It has time stamps and everything. And--] I like chess. And knitting. And poker. I learned all of those things here. [From Charles, and from Winter. She's liked spending time with him. Hell, probably liked hugging him a little too much. But her grip tightens on his hand briefly.

Because he did give her two of her new favorite things to do. And Winter's the reason poker nights are a thing, or were a thing until her back got broken again.]

[reconstitution]

Good. [ He nods. ]

See? Can't be all them. Just like how enjoying reading and The Beatles and hating gel protein are things I learned here.. Useless things like that are for people, not weapons.

[ Do you see, Wrath? Well, they're not useless to normal people, but soldiers had no need for things like that. Pointless when put next to martial arts or weapons knowledge and training. ]

[pain_train]

[He's right. He has to be right. Because... how would knitting and poker and chess make her a better officer? Well, chess, maybe. But painting? Stupid unicorn shoes? He has to be right.]

Yeah.

[Her voice is a bare whisper. She licks her lips and tries again.] Okay. So... I'm a person. [Winter's a person. So she is too, right?] Like you.

[reconstitution]

Yeah.. We're people. People who weren't allowed to be, before.

[ He shakes his head slightly, hair obscuring his face. ]

We're entitled, aren't we?

[pain_train]

[She wishes she could move enough to brush the hair away from his face. She wants to see him. Because he is a person, and his face looks totally different now than when he hadn't been at home.

But.]

I want to believe we are. I think... I know you are. [She knows enough about him to be comfortable saying that. But is she the same? If she was made, it was to--protect the city? Protect the corporation? One of those seems good, one of those isn't, and it's all mixed up in her head if that's even her own thought or not.

Softly:] I don't know about me. Maybe I was anti-social or something. Maybe I deserved it. It's like... This thing in my head telling me I did, and I try to believe it's wrong, but...

[She doesn't know. At least Winter has the advantage of having met Jim and knowing he was a good man who didn't deserve to be made into a tool. And she's so glad for that. He deserves better. He's the best friend she has even if he doesn't realize it.]

[reconstitution]

[ God. She thinks she deserved all that? It's hard enough for him to admit that what Hydra did to him wasn't fucking right. He exhales a little shakily, but dammit, he won't confess to doing it. ]

If you deserved it, then so did I.

[ Go ahead and tell him he got what he deserved. ]

That was the rudest tag ever

[pain_train]

[Wrath looks up at him, feeling sick. She wants to laugh, but it comes out in a weird, wry smile as she grips his hand. Her voice is husky, but she's not going to cry, dammit, Winter is tough and so is she.] That was a dick move, Winter.

you're welcome

[reconstitution]

[ He's not going to get emotional, either. They're soldiers, dammit. Soldiers don't cry. But people do, so it's a really fucked up loophole. Gently, ]

I'm an asshole, remember? [ Honestly, Wrath. ]

h d u

[pain_train]

[She laughs, and a few tears spill down her cheeks. Just ignore them. Everything is fine.] You're my best friend, you asshole.

[reconstitution]

Yeah, you too..

[ It's scary, having attachments to this place. Fuck, he tried not to care, and he should try harder now, because all he does is hurt people. ]

[pain_train]

[Good luck with that, Winter. She's never letting you go again, ever.

She takes a careful, steadying breath.] Okay, together or not at all.

I'll... talk to Charles.

[reconstitution]

If you want me there when you do.. I will.

[ It's a scary thing, giving someone consent to meddle with your head. So many things can go wrong, but she trusts Charles, and now so does Winter. ]

[pain_train]

[That feels like a big offer. She can't imagine what it would be like, sitting around with someone while they got their brain... whatevered. Would it be boring? Scary? Who knew. ]

Thanks. I'll talk to Charles and...

[She doesn't want Charles to think she's afraid of him. She's not, really. She's scared of what's in her head. What's going to happen. At the idea of someone changing something in there, if not Charles specifically. She swallows, mouth and throat dry.]

I might need you.

[reconstitution]

[ He'll do whatever she needs him to, because she's his friend. While he can't say the same for others, he'll jump through fire for Wrath. ]

I'm here.

[ She'll be fine. Hell, maybe she'll wise up and find better friends than him after her head is straightened. God, he hopes that's not the case. ]