Your regularly scheduled creepy visitor

[killedwithlove]

Who: Cole and anyone who needs him... or wants to chat to him
Broadcast: No
Action: On any ship except Marsiva, Tourist or Red Fish because he avoids visiting two and can't visit the third.
When: While the fleet is moving and probably a bit after

[There is this thing Cole does.

He visits other ships. Sometimes he put the Pathstone alongside to visit and sometimes he takes a shuttle, but he's constantly wandering all over the fleet, being with people, circulating.

He hasn't done it in a while. He got a nasty fright and went into hiding for a while.

But the creepy psychic being is back! Sticking his large nose into all the business.]

Comments

[sandhate]

[ He straights, shuffles and shifts as he listens. This is more than unsettling. Even more so when Cole draws the comparison; it's a stretch, at least he thinks so. It's the same old fear that gnaws at him.

Anakin folds his arms and clench his fists. There's more concern there than anything. ]

Does being the Commander of the Grey Warden mean that Riona has this in her?

[killedwithlove]

A drop.

[Cole looks up at Anakin, dead in the eye.]

Are you saying you don't have Dark in you?

[sandhate]

A drop.

[ He repeats cautiously. He doesn't know how to answer Cole's question at first because he doesn't know what that's about but his mind flickers to it, to his mother and that night in Tatooine. ]

Do you see a drop of that in me?

[killedwithlove]

[Cole keeps looking him in the eye because he knows.

He knows what Anakin did. And that Anakin will do it again. But there's nothing like judgment in his gaze, just quiet understanding.]

Not the Blight. But I can see the Dark. It hurts you. And it makes you hurt the world.

A lot of people are like that. It's normal, in mortals.

[sandhate]

[ His words makes him freeze. He wasn't sure what he had expected from Cole. And here he is, surprised at every turn.

Anakin breathes and grounds himself in the moment, convince himself that Cole knows nothing.

Only one of them does and he's not here now. ]

...It must be interesting to see people like that. Are we all be just light and dark to you?

[killedwithlove]

No.

I don't see Light and Dark. Those are your words, I just use them because they make sense to you. I see memories, thoughts, emotions, connections, what matters in good and bad ways, echoes of what you've done, what's been done to you, a network of stars all woven together.

I knew you before I met you, because you and Obi-Wan are so tightly wound together.

[sandhate]

[ He was glad that Cole took the deflection at first. Then unsurprisingly, not so grateful later. His eyes rolls up briefly and he lets exasperation take hold for a moment. ] Thanks for the clarification I guess...

A Master and Padawan bond is one that will always be woven together, even if they go their own ways later on. It's the same with me and Ahsoka.

Do you see this in everyone? Is this is why it's hard to ... balance with your Despair and Compassion sides?

[killedwithlove]

[Cole hums and thinks, swaying on the spot.]

Solas, my Solas, said that I have empathy. And telepathy. And psychometry. And they're always on, all the time. Everyone is emotions and memories and experiences.

I feel it all. I understand why they feel how they do. Usually. But when people are overwhelmed by their Despair... it claws me, drags me along with it.

[sandhate]

One of my ...colleges - another Jedi - he's renowned for his psychometry. I guess it's just tapping into the Force, and you. You're whatever you are. A spirit.

[ A slight frown. ]

Does that mean someone was in Despair, when you almost fell into it? That means any time anyone near you is in a state, you would get dragged with it.

[killedwithlove]

Compassion.

[He shakes his head.]

No. Compassion can Despair, but doesn't Rage. Wisdom can be Prideful, or Envious, but doesn't Despair. Justice Rages, but never Envies.

[He's trying to explain. He's just not good at it. Sorry.]

[sandhate]

Does it hurt? Becoming any of those.

[ A beat as he recounts what Cole said ]

...Can you become just any of those emotions, or just despair? [ Scratching his head: ] Justice isn't an emotion though, isn't that just ...rage?

[killedwithlove]

No. Not hurt.

I only become Despair.

[The look he gives Anakin isn't pitying... but it is sad.]

Justice isn't rage. When Justice hits Rage, it becomes Vengeance. Wisdom isn't an emotion either, but I've met them too.

[sandhate]

[ he thinks about what cole says. justice hits rage, becomes vengeance . he knows that, all too well. he takes a while long to try to understand what this is all about before shrugging and shaking his head. another cole thing shelved in his memory banks. ]

Do all the ... spirits also have psychometry and telepathy?

[ jokingly ]

Can you tell what I'm feeling now?

[killedwithlove]

... I don't know. I think so, but we know different things. I know what hurts, so I can help. Rage knows what makes you angry, and stokes it. Desire knows what you want, and offers it.

[Desire wasn't about sex, often. It was a family, acceptance, a wife, a father, something much deeper than mere sexual gratification.]

I can tell what's hurting you now. It reminded you of Shmi's death. And what you did in aftermath of it.

[sandhate]

[ he feels numb and cold and all the awkward but laughable demeanor is chased off his face with one line. he stares at cole with apprehension of what he knows and instinctively, he shields his thoughts and hides himself in the force, as if that'll help. ]

Cole, you shouldn't. [ he looks away awkwardly ] I don't know if I will ...harm you, if I feel despair.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole immediately stops. When people hide, it means you're hurting them.]

I know. It's okay. I understand. But we can talk about something else.

[sandhate]

[ he opened his mouth then closed it again. cautiously and slowly: ]

You. You felt that?

[killedwithlove]

... yes?

Do you want me to pretend I didn't?

[sandhate]

[ he considers the possibilities of this for a moment. then offers cole a wry smile ]

No, I would rather you be honest.

[killedwithlove]

All right.

I'm not very good at pretending. It's probably best.

[sandhate]

[ a dry chuckle ] You don't say.

I suppose it's only fair that I'm honest with you. [ a beat - he struggles to pinpoint what he should say, if saying it a particular way would alleviate what damage he might do. ] It ...does hurt.

[killedwithlove]

You don't have to be. Lots of people aren't honest. Sometimes, it's how they stay sane.

[He nods softly.]

I know. Having your mother murdered... it hurts. A lot. Feeling helpless, like you failed her.

[That doesn't seem to be intuited.]

[sandhate]

And sometimes, it does the opposite. [ a beat ] Knowing a hurt and keeping it inside doesn't keep you sane. It keeps hurting and hurting and eventually it dulls. You forgot. Then you remember and it hurts again.

[ you fail, again.

he looks at cole.

is a spirit's place only to watch? can they intervene? cole is tangible enough so he could, he suppose, if wants to ]

Have you... ?

[killedwithlove]

[Cole looks at Anakin, those strange, pale, almost colourless eyes watching.]

Have I? I don't understand.

Cole's mother was murdered. His father beat her to death with his fists, while Cole and Bunny hid in a cupboard, silent, still, stifled...

[sandhate]

[ he blinks and his jaw is slack for a moment as he remembers that cole wasn't always cole ] I'm sorry... I'm sorry that Cole had to see that.