driftfleet | (no subject)

[ Raven shakes her head, moving carefully to settle down beside Charles. She resists the urge to reach out for him and touch him, hesitating before she breathes out and draws her hand back, settling herself down. She doesn't want to put herself in the position of accidentally hurting him, and she's content to wait until the painkillers and icepacks start their work. ]

It's not that I'm uncomfortable. I'm not used to it, Charles, it's been ten years. [ And she remembers how she had reacted to him at the airport and in Washington and she wonders if he realises that it was because he was ordering her, not because he was using his mutation. ] But I want to be used to it. I'm not the little girl I used to be, scared of it and you digging into something. I trust you.

[ And there's no hesitation there. She does trust him. ]

[ He reaches out to hold her hand. If it shakes, he doesn't say anything to that effect. ]

I can't anyway. Not yet. I went deep -- too deep.

[ That poor man. Even now, while Charles is hurt, he's worried for Winter. Worried for what the consequences will be. He could have helped him, if he wasn't so weak, so unused to his powers. Before, this kind of ability would have been easy, quick. He wasn't prepared. ]

Then we can do it later.

[ Raven takes his hand, squeezing it gently - and then she moves. Leaning down, she shifts to settle down at his side, letting their hands slip into something a little more comfortable. She knows there's more to this, but she can't do anything to help him right now. His mind is too hurt, and his telepathy is too vulnerable.

Instead, she deflects. ]

Do you remember the time we made blanket forts? We were teens, but we wanted to mess around.

[ Charles' expression is unfocused before it clears up. ]

We made a mess of the living room. Mother was out of town so we had free reign everywhere.

[ It was the small freedoms that mattered. The servants were out of sight so they could indulge in their fantasies. Sheets were thrown over chairs and tables while Charles prattled on about their blanket kingdom.

He smiles. ]

You were the king and I was the queen.

[ They had made a massive castle out of blankets and pillows and found some snacks to hide in the middle. She can remember laying down with Charles as he prattled on and on about his imaginary kingdom and his subjects while she just stared. She'd been there for a long time by then, but it was the first time she'd really felt like she was safe and, maybe, home.

It's easy to breathe out a little noise, to smile and watch her brother gently. Things are still difficult, but they have this. ]

I think I wanted you to wear the dress though.

I don't think I have the legs for it.

[ He shifts, trying to get comfortable and an pained hiss escapes his lips. He stops trying. ]

I made all the rules, didn't I?

You have the hair for it.

[ Raven reaches out, gently, and begins to move and adjust pillows. Her bedside manner might need some work, but she knows how to do this - and she's careful, not wanting to jostle or hurt him too much. ]

Most of your rules were very sensible. That's why I hated them.

Too sensible for my own good.

[ He flashes her a grateful smile. ] I'm surprised you haven't asked about the otter.

Just a little bit. But that's what I was there for.

[ She moves, shifting so that her back is against the wall beside him, more so she can see him than anything else. ]

I figured if you wanted me to know you'd tell me eventually.

Raven, I want you to know everything. I sincerely do, but I don't want it to come from me dismissing your problems with my own experiences.

[ He breaks off, looking at the ceiling. ] There was a game in the library long ago. Each of the teams were pitted against the others and the deal was to convince our . . . benevolent overlords that we deserved to live. Their minds . . . were black and sickening.

So one person from each team went up to make their cast. I went up to defend my team.

[ He stops. ] I went up to make our case. And I did so, knowing I was condemning other people to die. And they did die. Painfully. Slowly.

And this form was given to me as a gift. For winning.

Edited 2016-06-12 10:44 (UTC)

[ The first sentence is enough to make something inside of her shatter. Isn't that exactly what she had said to Erik? That she wanted to learn about Charles, but the only time she ever got the opportunity was when he was trying to empathise with her, but it just ended up feeling like a competition? The fact that he knows and understands it means something to her, especially after years of thinking that he was ignorant and blind to what she was feeling. ]

It's not much of a victory, is it.

[ Slowly, Raven lies down and she settles, careful not to nudge or push Charles too much. She needs to be close to him right now, and this - what she's going to talk about - isn't easy for her. Instead, she reaches out and brushes her fingers against his face, her thumb pressing into his eyebrow gently before she draws her hand back. ]

I went and talked to Erik. About this, the library and all the things that you've been through that I don't understand. I don't know details because I didn't want them, not from him, but... I know what I need to do, Charles. I know that if I want to understand, that if I want to come to terms with all these things I'm ignorant to then I'm going to have to ask and I'm going to have to listen. They're not really my strengths anymore, but I'm going to try.

[ Shifting, she touches her forehead to his shoulder, eyes closing. ]

I've been alone for a long time. I think I've forgotten how to be around the people I love.

[ He brushes her hair back, like he used to. The bruises on his knuckles and skin are dark and purple. Everything hurt, but having Raven close was too much for him. He couldn't turn away. ]

There's so much that it's difficult to pick one event. You do have to ask, Raven. Otherwise, I wouldn't know where to begin.

[ With the worst? The best? When they were all together as a fractured family, but still together? Charles wonders if she'll ask of Raven in Fawn, how bad it got that one time --

He'd have to, eventually. But that event still stops his breathing. ]

If it helps - I'm equally bad with the people I love.

[ His families, his broken, lost, distant families that he loved so strongly until he remembers how they were murdered by people who were family too. ]

But I don't think forgetting is the end of us.

I don't know what to ask, Charles. I don't know anything, and that's the problem. I'm walking in blind and trying to find the right words and it really doesn't work like that.

[ But she's quick to tsk him, to lean up and try and urge him to keep still even if she likes the attention. It's been a long time, after all, a very long time, but she relishes it. She relishes being with Charles and she basks in the comfort of her brother, especially now that she can take care of him; a gentle role reversal that makes all of this slightly easier to bear. ]

I'm still afraid. I spent so many years chasing down what happened to people I loved and it was all that mattered. Finding the truth about Azazel and Angel, knowing what happened to Sean, every single one of them... That's what I had to do. Now I don't have anything to do and it's driving me crazy.

[ Her head rests against him, and her eyes close tight, so tight it could hurt, enough to force her body into shifting scales over and over and over. ]

I miss them, Charles, and I missed you and Hank, but I'm trying. I wish it was faster, but... I don't know how to do that.

[ He exhales softly. ] Neither do I.

[ There was just so much. He could transfer it to her, using his powers but he recoils from that possibility. There was just so much brutality. Charles never had as many wounds as Erik. Everything that stuck with him was internal. Allies who turned on him, killed him, killed his family. His family who couldn't handle him, handle what he was. And all that while, he had to navigate the past with Erik, trying to decide whether it was worth being together.

It was. It always was. ]

I can try talking about it, little by little. [ He breathes out. His chest hurt. ] It shouldn't be too hard.

There are things I need to tell you, too.

[ Things that she's talked to Hank about, put herself on the line, and she moves, shifting her head up and resting, eyes closed. This is a moment, she thinks, one of those moments that can change everything, and she welcomes it because she's afraid not to. She's afraid of what it might mean for her not to accept it. ]

We can't do it now. You've got broken ribs and your mind is a mess, Charles. We need to wait until you're better.

[ Still, a little shock can't hurt and, so - ]

I could tell you about me and Azazel instead.

[ Does this bomb has to be dropped now? Though, Charles is vaguely aware of it and processes it quietly. ]

I think I might have a . . . vague idea about that.

Everyone has a vague idea about that.

[ Raven shakes her head, pursing her lips before she speaks. ]

Hank's already made sure I'm aware of... Things.

In my defense, Kurt looks a little too much like . . . him. I didn't make any other connection until he told me.

[ But . . . that's interesting. ] I'm sorry.

There are some things I don't want to remember. They hurt too much.

[ The idea of Kurt - that is one thing she would gladly forget, to give up on false hope. ]

You don't have to apologise.

[ He can understand that. He exhales softly. ]

I should anyway.

You haven't done anything wrong.

[ Not lately, anyway. ]

I'm sorry you lost someone, Raven.

[ That's all. Though Charles has always been flagrant in his apologies, always ready with one in case he's overstepped himself. His feelings remain strong. ]

Oh.

[ She's been alone for so long that things like people being sorry for her losses and her pain feels... Different, and strange. She blinks it back and shakes her head, leaning up to give Charles the softest of kisses against his skin. ]

Thank you.

[ Carefully, unsure. ] Should I not have . . . ? I didn't mean to overstep or take it upon myself.

Charles. I -

[ She shakes her head, reaching to touch his hand, not pushing incase she knocks a bruise. ]

Ten years. It's been almost ten years since I was around anyone I care about. I'm used to being alone, so... I'm relearning things as well. You're fine.