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(no subject)

Who: Wrath (and maybe you?)
Broadcast: Entire fleet
Action: Windrose medlab, she ain't goin anywhere
When: June 11 (four days after this mess)

[Text]

extra large protein lovers pizza
++ spicy soypperoni
+ red chilies
++ mazer beer ipa or equivalent 1 6pack

5 strippers
pref male
++ purple body glitter
++ portable sound system
+ boa constrictor

deliver to: lt wrath, windrose

[Audio]

[She doesn’t quite know how bad she looks, but she knows how bad she feels. There is no way the people in the fleet need to see this. So it’s audio only. Wrath’s words slur faintly, like someone who is profoundly tired rather than drunk. Chems do that to her.]

Hey everyone. Um. I had an accident and I’m gonna be… down for a little while. I know I wanted to do a coffee thing for all my brother soldiers but… that’s gonna have to wait. Til I’m on my feet again. Really sorry, guys. But it’ll happen. Just a little later.

Anyway like last time I was in traction I just ordered pizza and strippers, but I tried to do that here and it doesn’t work? And there’s no pudding or nurses. So I’m kind of super bored since I can’t move around right now. So anyone want to like… watch vids or play games or something? I could maybe figure out how to do chess on the network. Or ask someone for help. Or tell stories. Or like. Visitors would be nice? Yeah.

Officer Snuggles says hi, everyone. [The fox yips.] And. Um. Bye~

[Action]

[Wrath, almost completely immobilized in traction to keep her spine from crumbling completely, occupies the Windrose’s medlab for the timebeing, Officer Snuggles normally curled up on the corner of the bed when he’s not out patrolling. Wrath herself looks like hell, nasty bruises and stitched up head and facial lacerations, her left eye’s sclera still crimson. But she’s doing her best to maintain a positive attitude. There’s not really anything else for her to do.

Visitors are what she really, really wants. Being stuck in bed and unable to move around and really touch anything is starting to eat at her badly. It’s a vague sort of unease, blurred out by the drugs, but it’s definitely not doing her anxiety levels any good. Before the ports are removed, nothing feels right anyway, which is another sort of alarming. She's got the painting frame for entertainment beyond staring at the ceiling, but her fine motor control is terrifyingly lacking, and she doesn't think she can blame it all on the drugs.

And Winter… she’s not thinking about what actually happened if she can help it. That wasn’t Winter. He wasn’t at home when that all went down. It was a fight, she survived, everything is okay now. She’s tough as hell. She’s not going to think about how it feels like falling. She’s not going to think about how last time, Compliance showed up and tried to take her right out of her hospital bed. She’s not going to drive herself crazy with worry about how Winter is doing and if everyone is treating him okay and if everyone gets it wasn’t his fault. And she’s sure as hell not going to think about how next time, it might be her turn.]

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Come on, now...he has opposable thumbs. He'd be at least twice as good at it as a dog. [She smiles.] I feel like I should be defending his sexiness. If he ever finds out about this conversation and asks tell him I defended it with everything I had.

But would it be cuter and funnier if he had to like squirm out of his clothes without using his thumbs? [Sorry, Kitty, it's the drugs.] I got your back, Kitty. You were steadfast.

Thank you. Our relationship appreciates that.

He really is very attractive though. Winn, not a puppy.

I can believe that. He's cute. But I shouldn't be talking too dirty about your boyfriend, right? That's how that stuff works.

Well, saying he's cute is pretty far from talking dirty about him. But, yeah, throwing it back to you would be pretty weird since that would mean talking dirty about Kurt. [And he's...Kurt. Her Kurt.]

[She laughs.] Yeah, I wouldn't mind but that'd probably be a little weird for you!

[Her smile might be a bit schmoopy now.] Kurt's a really great guy. He needs to just unwind a bit and I think he's getting the chance to here, so that's good. I hope he eventually finds someone who can make him really happy once he's ready, he deserves it!

[Hm.] So, you're still thinking relationships are gross where you're concerned? [But that look on your face though and Kurt's concern for you when you were hurt...]

[Her smile goes all wry. She wishes she could shrug.] I'm inattentive and unsupportive and I'd just make him sad. I'm a shitty girlfriend and can't do it right. Kurt deserves way better than that.

Okay, woah. Stop. Back up. Wrath, if you aren't into relationships because they aren't for you that's one thing. That's totally your call, and I'll be behind that. But if you're trying to spare Kurt that's...crazy.

You are one of the most supportive, attentive people I've ever met. You care about everyone on this ship. You compliment and encourage and kick butts when you need to. I don't know what's happened before, but I can't believe you'd be a shitty girlfriend when you're such a great friend.

I try really hard to be a good friend when it's not work time and a good officer when it is. It's really great to have friends. [She effectively didn't for most of her career for reasons she can't understand and definitely can't control. It's weird to feel herself unwinding in this way.]

North said I was bad at it and I hurt him a lot, and I trust his judgment. [Because when it's not strictly job-related, as a rule she doesn't trust her own judgment.] I feel bad about it. I don't want to hurt anyone else like that, it would be a shitty thing to do.

Sometimes people you care about and trust still say fucked up, hurtful things when they're hurting. [And if it's laced with truth it can hurt twice as much. She knows it did with Reid.]

Do you feel like you were bad at it? [You may not trust your judgment, but Kitty has no reason not to.]

Yeah, but I don't remember things right sometimes. I didn't remember what I did then right and he had to help me out.

I don't know. Having a boyfriend isn't mission critical so I didn't have one before. I didn't know what I was doing and there isn't any training, so I probably fucked up really bad.

[How hard would it be to try and navigate your life without knowing what you've even been through? As hard as some of her memories are to handle she's glad for them.] If you can't remember then it's hard to learn from any of it, but it also shouldn't hold you back because for all I know this North guy is an asshole or he was confused or mislead or something beyond his control came up and he had to say those things. Plus, so what if it was bad? Who gets anything perfect the first or second or tenth time around? Relationships are give and take, timing, work, and luck and they're always different because people are always different. You're not the even same person you were back then.

[She reaches out to put her hand over Wrath's.] I saw the way you smiled when you talked about Kurt. That's worth something. And if I thought you were going to be bad for him I would be the first person to tell you to stay the hell away. Believe me.

North is a really good guy, he took care of me when I was in the hospital for a long time and helped me out a lot. I was just really bad at... everything. [She'll always defend North. She has put him on a bit of a pedestal just because he'd come through for her so much when she was entirely alone in the hospital.]

I care about Kurt a lot. He's really important to me. [Right up there with Winter and Charles.] That's why I want him to have a good girlfriend whenever he's ready and be happy. It'd kill me to hurt him. I don't like hurting people.

[Definitely hard to believe a "really good guy" told her she was just straight up bad at relationships, but she wasn't there to see how it all went down. Kitty knows she's taken things harder than they were intended in the past because she's rough on herself. Besides, she doubts she'll get anywhere with Wrath by bashing someone she seems to care about.]

Kurt's an adult. He can handle himself. [Not that she wouldn't want to throw anyone who did hurt him right out of an airlock, but she doesn't think Wrath would.] I can't picture you intentionally hurting someone who didn't fully deserve it.

[Softly:] Hurting someone on purpose isn't what I'm most worried about.

[She's pretty sure she hadn't set out to be a bad girlfriend and make North sad before. But even moreso, it's present in her mind how many people she was involved in hurting in a very physical way and doesn't remember it. How many more there might be that she'll never know about. How many she could hurt here, without ever meaning to, like Winter did. It's not his fault, but she also knows that the distribution of blame doesn't heal backs and bones, and it won't heal hearts either.

If you can't eliminate a threat, step two is keeping the non combatants the hell away from it.]

[Did you just call Kurt a non combatant? Please.]

Hurting someone unintentionally can come just as easily from things you don't do as things you do. And the other person has some say in all of it.

I know. But you can still eliminate all the threats you do know about.

[Well, she's starting to feel like more and more of a jerk.] So what do you want me to do?

[Addressing this... whatever in a more concrete fashion is something she's a lot more comfortable with. She deals in solutions, in plans, in action.]

I want you to...live your best life? [God, she doesn't know. Why is she giving anyone advice ever? Enjoy the least concrete answer ever.] Just don't be afraid of being with someone now when it didn't work out with someone in the past.

I don't know what that means. [All aboard the frankness train.

She considers, and then offers since this was the thing that blew it all apart before:] I don't do monogamy. I tried for North and it didn't work because I didn't care about him enough. I don't want to put anyone else through that either.

Then just make sure the other person knows that and don't try to be someone you're not for them. [She honestly isn't sure how Kurt would feel about it. She was pretty preoccupied with her own love life last time they were living around each other.] You're a pretty great person as you are anyway.

[She'd tried. It hadn't worked. But she's not sure how to explain it, either. And she really doesn't deserve that compliment. The jury's still out on if she actually is a person, as far as she's concerned. That's another thing she's not sure how to explain.]

Okay.

[Well, and if we're talking about the importance of other people...]

I'm pretty sure Kurt's not looking for a girlfriend anyway. [So this is all mercifully academic.]

Yeah, well...

Maybe not. [Doesn't mean he didn't find one anyway.]

Anyway, probably heavier than you want to be talking about right now anyway. Maybe I should go see if I can find you some of those strippers you wanted.

[Oh, this is a relief.]

It's kind of a weird thing to be talking about since it kind of also feels like talking about Kurt behind his back a little. But strippers are always good!

[She nods.] I get that. [Not that she wouldn't absolutely butt into Kurt's life over it too.] I'll check in on you again soon.

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pain_train - 2016-08-01 04:20 (UTC) - Expand

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