driftfleet | (no subject)

Who: Wrath (and maybe you?)
Broadcast: Entire fleet
Action: Windrose medlab, she ain't goin anywhere
When: June 11 (four days after this mess)

[Text]

extra large protein lovers pizza
++ spicy soypperoni
+ red chilies
++ mazer beer ipa or equivalent 1 6pack

5 strippers
pref male
++ purple body glitter
++ portable sound system
+ boa constrictor

deliver to: lt wrath, windrose

[Audio]

[She doesn’t quite know how bad she looks, but she knows how bad she feels. There is no way the people in the fleet need to see this. So it’s audio only. Wrath’s words slur faintly, like someone who is profoundly tired rather than drunk. Chems do that to her.]

Hey everyone. Um. I had an accident and I’m gonna be… down for a little while. I know I wanted to do a coffee thing for all my brother soldiers but… that’s gonna have to wait. Til I’m on my feet again. Really sorry, guys. But it’ll happen. Just a little later.

Anyway like last time I was in traction I just ordered pizza and strippers, but I tried to do that here and it doesn’t work? And there’s no pudding or nurses. So I’m kind of super bored since I can’t move around right now. So anyone want to like… watch vids or play games or something? I could maybe figure out how to do chess on the network. Or ask someone for help. Or tell stories. Or like. Visitors would be nice? Yeah.

Officer Snuggles says hi, everyone. [The fox yips.] And. Um. Bye~

[Action]

[Wrath, almost completely immobilized in traction to keep her spine from crumbling completely, occupies the Windrose’s medlab for the timebeing, Officer Snuggles normally curled up on the corner of the bed when he’s not out patrolling. Wrath herself looks like hell, nasty bruises and stitched up head and facial lacerations, her left eye’s sclera still crimson. But she’s doing her best to maintain a positive attitude. There’s not really anything else for her to do.

Visitors are what she really, really wants. Being stuck in bed and unable to move around and really touch anything is starting to eat at her badly. It’s a vague sort of unease, blurred out by the drugs, but it’s definitely not doing her anxiety levels any good. Before the ports are removed, nothing feels right anyway, which is another sort of alarming. She's got the painting frame for entertainment beyond staring at the ceiling, but her fine motor control is terrifyingly lacking, and she doesn't think she can blame it all on the drugs.

And Winter… she’s not thinking about what actually happened if she can help it. That wasn’t Winter. He wasn’t at home when that all went down. It was a fight, she survived, everything is okay now. She’s tough as hell. She’s not going to think about how it feels like falling. She’s not going to think about how last time, Compliance showed up and tried to take her right out of her hospital bed. She’s not going to drive herself crazy with worry about how Winter is doing and if everyone is treating him okay and if everyone gets it wasn’t his fault. And she’s sure as hell not going to think about how next time, it might be her turn.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You're not allowed to have a turn. [ I won't let you. ]

Neither of us get to decide that.

[She hesitates.]

Beverly says she can fix my back for real. So I'll be back up to full speed.

[...]

Maybe it would be better if she didn't. [Because then she would be incapable of hurting people.]

It wouldn't.

[ Full stop. She wouldn't be happier. It wouldn't be better for anyone with Wrath the way that she is now. Winter can't bear the thought of being the reason that she stays immobile. ]

[So she'll just say it.] But then I wouldn't be able to hurt anyone.

Not ideal. Everyone wants you better.

I...wanted to be better too. I wanted--But what I want doesn't matter. It's my job to protect the civilians. Being--

[She doesn't want this at all, but for once she could actually do something toward her mission. She hates how this feels. Nothing is right. Her voice is rough when she continues, reminding herself that she and what she wants doesn't matter. It's still very easy to ignore that voice that sounds like Charles in the back of her head that insists she does matter. She knows what the priorities need to be.

And at least Winter isn't yelling at her like Tenno did. Maybe he gets her point. It's not giving up. It's doing her job. It's not putting all this on a few people like Erik and Winter and expecting them to deal with it when the time came.]

If I'm permanently too damaged to be a threat, everyone would be safe from me. You wouldn't have to worry about stopping me when it's my turn.

[Hell, Atroma would probably bother doing to her what they did to Winter because it wouldn't be that entertaining to watch her crawling around until someone dropped a box over her or something.]

Edited (just putting in the html) 2016-06-15 18:25 (UTC)

I'm not worried about stopping you.

[ They both know how to make a tough choice in the midst of a mission. Even if others don't like the outcome. They're no strangers to being the bad guy.

Silence lingers thickly, but Winter is still wrapping his mind around what to say amidst the throbbing. He worries his lower lip between his teeth, shaking his head slightly. ]

It's your call.. But don't let me going crazy get between you and what you want.

What I want doesn't matter. [Only the mission matters.]

Tenno... yelled at me. Said thinking about this was like giving up. But I don't think it is.

It's eliminating a potential threat. [She feels horrible, but at least Winter's not yelling at her. Maybe he understands her point. It would be nice if someone did.]

You doing that is the same as me putting a bullet in my head.

[ He blinks slowly, looking at her seriously. ]

I don't want to die, but I'm always going to be a potential threat.

That's not the same at all. I'd still be alive. [Just... miserable. Utterly miserable. But she's been through worse. She'd keep going. She doesn't have any other choice.

But she smiles, feeling sick.] I think you're gonna be okay for a while. Atroma want entertainment out of us, right? It's not much fun to see you do the same trick more than once.

It is the same.

[ He offers her his own imitation of a smile, pained at the edges. ]

I'm not okay. [ None of this is okay, and what little leverage he had before doesn't matter. He's been pushed to the bottom of the pit again. This time, it will be harder to climb back out. ]

[It isn't the same. But she's not going to argue. She doesn't have the energy right now, and it's a stupid thing to argue about anyway. The mission has to be the most important thing. She's meaningless.]

[Softly:] I know.

But you'll get there. I believe in you. [He has to, or she doesn't even know what she'll do.]

Edited 2016-06-16 03:29 (UTC)

I have more faith in you than I do in me.

[ He can't put himself any further down on the totem pole. His self worth amounts to nothing when there are others on the line. It's not just from the conditioning or even the programming. It's set into the fiber of his being, and it isn't likely to change.

If he can make sure Wrath gets better first, maybe he can look out for himself after. Probably not.]

[She smiles wryly.] Guess we're the same there. I believe in you.

[She doesn't believe in herself, not for this. Winter is a real person. She's starting to become convinced that she isn't. She wanted to be, but what she wants doesn't matter.]

You're a lot stronger than I am. You're gonna make it.

When you get out of that bed, we'll talk about me.

[ So if she decides to never get out of it, that's a conversation they can avoid having. ]

I don't call a lot of people my friend. [ He pauses enough to mentally berate himself. What the fuck does that have to do with anything? ]

Just-- I thought you should know.

[She laughs a little unsteadily.] That's a dick move, Winter.

[She saw what you did there. But what he says next... That feels good, even with all the drugs numbing things up. He sounds more like himself. And... It's important.]

Thank you. [She has to swallow hard.]

You're important to me. No matter what. [She's already said that, but it bears repeating.] I've got your six.

Not sure if you've noticed.. I'm kind of an asshole.

[ Maybe that's why they're friends. Who the fuck knows anymore? ]

I've got yours, too. [ He pauses. ]

Get some sleep if you can.

[That makes her smile.] I am too, people just don't notice cause I smile all the time.

[It feels good to hear him say that. Stupidly good, even if she should probably point out, how does he have her back if he's going to bury himself in a hole? But it's not like she can technically watch out for him when she's nothing but a pile of bruised meat. So maybe it works out somehow.

She doesn't want to sleep. Because whatever nightmares she normally has are worse now, thanks to all the chems, and it's harder to wake up. Does Winter need to know that? Probably not. What's he supposed to do other than feel worse? Not helpful.

But some of that probably shows in her voice, the reluctance and doubt:] I'll try.