[Video] [Public] [On purpose what is this thing]

[tallasaking]

Who: Tyrion Lannister
Broadcast: Everyone
Action: SS First Breath, Crowley's Bar
When: Todayish

[Tyrion spins around in his chair, to face the camera, and yes; Drift Fleet, he is speaking directly to you.]

Good morrow, my fellow prisoners. [One corner of his mouth twists up - yes, he went there.] Recent events have proven to me, yet again, that in the face of adversity, one must look towards a brighter side of life. It would be altogether too easy to let what Atroma has done to one of our own, and I assure you, I believe it was done to this poor man -- drag us into paranoia and fear.

[He pauses.] For example I have built at least five new tasers. Still, even I realize that fear will do nothing but let them have their little drama, so I offer something else instead. Have some ... rather questionable entertainment - older parental figures, please remove all children from their viewing screens. You can let them have them back when I am done.

[A pause, while he taps his fingers in his table, looking at the ceiling and humming.]

They are gone? Good. First ... a poetry reading from the basket I was sent. I have been told I have a 'beautiful voice' and so I am sharing here with all of you - in apparently the most perverse way possible.

[He clears his throat, smirks at the camera, and begins to read.]




I knew a woman, lovely in her bones,
When small birds sighed, she would sigh back at them;
Ah, when she moved, she moved more ways than one:
The shapes a bright container can contain!
Of her choice virtues only gods should speak,
Or English poets who grew up on Greek
(I'd have them sing in chorus, cheek to cheek.)

How well her wishes went! She stroked my chin,
She taught me Turn, and Counter-turn, and stand;
She taught me Touch, that undulant white skin:
I nibbled meekly from her proffered hand;
She was the sickle; I, poor I, the rake,
Coming behind her for her pretty sake
(But what prodigious mowing did we make.)

Love likes a gander, and adores a goose:
Her full lips pursed, the errant note to seize;
She played it quick, she played it light and loose;
My eyes, they dazzled at her flowing knees;
Her several parts could keep a pure repose,
Or one hip quiver with a mobile nose
(She moved in circles, and those circles moved.)

Let seed be grass, and grass turn into hay:
I'm martyr to a motion not my own;
What's freedom for? To know eternity.
I swear she cast a shadow white as stone.
But who would count eternity in days?
These old bones live to learn her wanton ways:
(I measure time by how a body sways.)


[He closes the book with a snap, smiles that crooked smile of his, and then pushes his chair off in another direction, where a map of Westeros stands.] And because I promised my good friend Kitty's man, Winn, here is a lesson on my home country. This ... is Westeros, and marked here are the holdings of the major houses of Westeros at the time of Robert's Rebellion.



[Tyrion takes a pointer, and starts at the top of the map, where there is the head of a wolf on a dark grey background.] Here are the holdings of House Stark, which by the way are still the holdings of House Stark, I don't care who says what. Why would anyone want that much frozen landscape anyways, it's beyond me. Still, it is a beautiful, harsh country - whose people are loyal to a fault and more stubborn beyond. House Stark embodies all of that - please see Robb Stark if you disbelieve me. Their home is Winterfell, and their house motto is Winter Is Coming. If you ask - yes they have a fine grasp on the seasons, it is meant to be a saying that while you might be fat and drunk and with some comely person in your bed -- beware. Darker times are always ahead, so be prepared. Stock up on that wine, and the comely ones!

[He gestured to the right.] Here are the holdings of House Arryn - they are mostly in the mountains of Westeros, where their home lies, fondly called the Eyrie. Since it takes two lifts up the side of a mountain and several donkeys, the name is apt. I would not recommend the view, especially if you are sitting in one of their dungeons - they lack a wall right where a drop to your death would be. They also have a lovely way to assassinate you - it's called the Moon Door. They throw you out and see if you can fly. [One eyebrow raises.] Consider that. Their house motto is 'As High As Honor' - which means they consider themselves very honorable for being that high off the ground. As they honored their word to let me go? I'll consider it apt.

[Moving the pointer on, he gestures to the sigil of the fish.] These are the riverlands - home of many famous battles over the years, and the most fertile land outside of Highgarden's holdings. This is the home of House Tully, and if you are wondering if the fish means they are slippery - please. It is the fish because the fishing is excellent. The only slippery member of House Tully would be the Blackfish, and that man earned that honorific for being the slyest member of his entire household, which is quite an accomplishment all things considered. House Tully is annoying honest and forthright. Their family motto is 'Family. Duty. Honor.' Trust me, they do go in that order. My brother Jaime found that out all too well when he got to spend time in their dungeon ... are you noting a theme about my family? But we'll get to them later.

[He gestured downward.] The lands of House Targaryan. Ruling family of Westeros for hundreds of years, before Robert's Rebellion. They came from Valyria with dragons and basically trounced us all into the ground. [He smirks back at the camera.] That's what happens when someone has dragons. They sort of trump everything else. They weren't a bad lot, all things considered, except inbreeding made some of them ... odd. Interesting fact about them, they believe in the three heads of the dragon, which means sometimes in their family brothers marry sisters and begat children who are their children and their nieces and nephews at the same time. This has turned out to be ... ah ... again, something of a mixed blessing for them. However, they produced Daenerys Targaryan, so it didn't end too badly. The Mother of Dragons is a delight, in my personal opinion. Their house motto is 'Fire and Blood' - mostly dealing with, their dragons spit fire, and then you bleed from every orifice. Their home is Dragonstone - because ... well, you guessed it.

[He shifts the pointer down again.] And here we are to our current ruling house, House Baratheon. Here is a fun fact for you - Robert started the rebellion against the Targaryans for kidnapping his future bride and killing his future father-in-law and brother-in-law. Twenty years later after he ... died under mysterious circumstances, ahem, his two brothers then rose up in rebellion against his wife's family - my family - for then murdering him and not having any direct heirs to the throne. In fact Stannis and Renly were two of the kings in the war of the five kings. Which is now the war of ... ah ... let's see, Stannis is still about, Renly is dead, Joffrey is dead, but Aemon is coming and Tommen's taken the throne - I believe it is not the war of Three or Four Kings, with a side of Squid Uprising and soon to have another platter of Fire and Blood Queen. So, there you have that. Their motto is 'Ours Is The Fury' and since Renly is the only one I remember being able to control his temper - at all, I would say that is correct. Very angry lot, the Baratheons. Their home is Storm's End, a bleak sort of place but very fitting.

[Yes, he mercifully left out Robb's own death. You're welcome, King of the North.]

Now, we shall slip further south here to House Martell, who live in Dorne, a country mostly made up of desert and very angry, very clever people. Theirs is the hottest country, but what they lack in farmland they make up in warriors who can slay you in a heartbeat. Interesting fact about them - they never took a knee in defeat to House Targaryan - they only joined the Seven Kingdoms through marriage, and even that was hard-won. In fact many of their great alliances were built through marriage. I apparently almost married Princess Elia of Dorne - had my father managed to not be a complete ass I might be a Prince Consort right now. They got their revenge though - Elia married Rhaegar, heir to the Iron Throne and ousted my sister. The Martells have had it out for the Lannisters since Robert's Rebellion -- no wonder because if not for us the whole dastardly plot would have fallen through. Their house motto is 'Unbowed. Unbent. Unbroken.', which as the name suggests, means they aren't taking a knee to any of us, so fuck off. Their home seat is Sunspear, and I hear the water gardens are lovely.

[The pointer shifts to the south west.] Ah, Highgarden, the most fertile land in all of Westros. Their gardens are legendary, as are their beauties, and none more than the Rose of House Tyrell, Margaery. [A slight bow of the waist.] House Tyrell was gifted with these lands by King Aemon, hundred of years ago. Fun fact about them -- they have the most delicious wine in all of Westeros, perhaps the known world. It is Arbor Red, and I would probably stab a great deal of you in the back of the leg to get a bottle of it before you did. Highgarden is also the home of chivalry in the Seven Kingdoms, you will never find knights with better manners or ladies with more refinement. Again, I direct you to Margaery, and I promise you, her brother Loras is equally shining and beautiful. It would be annoying if they weren't so damned charming. Their seat is Highgarden, and their motto is 'Growing Strong'. Since they have survived every king for the last thousand years or so, I think they've earned it.

[The pointer shifts up - and up further, to a small string of islands.] And here lies the Iron Islands, ruled by House Greyjoy. If ever a house was more aptly named, I cannot think of it. Everything about their islands is grey and without cheer. Their people, their boats, their rather disturbing beliefs about their gods of the water. They are a hard people, and they rule the seas like one would rule lands - sometimes without any damned clue at all. For example - the Iron Islands stood in protest against Robert, and then tried to take on all of House Stark.
[He points to the tiiiiiny Iron Islands. And then to the huuuuuuuuuuuuge North.] Clearly not good strategy. However, it should be noted that the motto for House Greyjoy is 'We Do Not Sow'. They don't grow anything on their islands, but instead prefer to raid the rest of us for their food and supplies. Which ... honestly, makes them noble pirates, or pirate nobles, although I find the pirate part usually the most apt. Their seat is the Pyke. Again, aptly named.

[The pointer flourishes.] And now, we finish with House Lannister, my own house. We are known for many things - my father Tywin was known as the coldest man in all of Westros, my brother Jaime was known as the Kingslayer for his part in Robert's Rebellion, and my sister is an acknowledged beauty from one end of Westros to another -- and her cunt is known for it's looseness as well. We are the richest family in all of Westeros, and therefore, also the most hated. In fact, people will spit when they say our name. Lannister is synonymous with spitting out one's curses - in fact I believe that we may have single-handedly wet our own fields with the spit of the outraged. Now, that is not to say that all of House Lannister is without honor - my Uncle Kevan for example is a fine man, bit weak about the knees but otherwise honorable and intelligent. Jaime did kill a mad king who was boiling people in oil. And then you have me - the most despised member of House Lannister, by House Lannister, despite being lauded as the smartest man in all of Westeros. [He looked flatly at the screen.] Yet I'm the one that everyone seems to like, despite my appearance. Please suck on that particular tit for awhile. My family also falls in for incest - my father and mother were first cousins - and since this produced Cersei and Joffrey, you can see how well that turned out.

[He rests his pointer between his hands, looking mock solemnly at the screen.] Your lesson for the day is ... Incest is Bad, children. At any rate - our home is Casterly Rock, where we sit on a mountain of gold and lions, and our motto is 'Hear Me Roar'. Noted though, we don't roar until we've ripped your throat out. We're sneaky like that.



And here, endeth the lesson. [Tyrion smiles cheerfully.] I am going to see about my new job managing liquor now, but do feel free to stop by, pay for a drink and ask me as many questions as you like about Westeros history and or politics. I shall be happy to enlighten you.

[And he turns off the feed.]

Comments

[passingthrough]

Do you need a glass of water after all that? [No, it's not the only thing she has to say about it. Just her opening gambit.]

Video

[tallasaking]

[Have his innocent look.] Why do you think I am heading to the bar? I am parched!

video;

[reek]

[ Heard u were talkin' shit. ]

House Greyjoy commands the largest fleet in the North. It was not bad strategy.

[ Beyond the fact that he lost two brothers and was taken from his home that day but, you know, technicalities. ]

Re: video;

[tallasaking]

[Allow Tyrion to point out these technicalities.]

Oh you mean the largest fleet before it was razed, where you lost two brothers and you yourself were taken to House Stark?

video;

[winn]

[ winn hasn't forgotten about his lectures - he procured a room, and even managed to supply it a little bit. but things keep happening that draw his focus away. this, however, is a good reminded. an hour of normalcy a week - that's what he promised people, and it's time he delivered.

tyrion gets applause and a grateful smile. this was fascinating, entertaining, and a welcome diversion from his anxieties. ]

Wow - if you meme as well as you lecture the world needs to see what you come up with. Hey, once we get the room set up, are you up for a follow up? [ because that was really good, much better than he himself will manage, he's pretty sure. ]

Re: video;

[tallasaking]

[Tyrion bows to Winn - after all it was this young man's idea and he was pleased that Winn was pleased with it.]

Absolutely, what would you have me follow up with? I can do the history of the Great Houses, or how the monarchy works in Westeros. Both are equally interesting ... and amusing.

Action - Bar

[kill_switch]

[Furiosa listens raptly through the whole thing. Mun is still working on it. She heeds his closing message, and heads to Crowley's bar. She doesn't usually drink, doesn't like being in any sort of altered state, so she settles in at the bar with some slight reluctance.]

Surprise me.

Re: Action - Bar

[tallasaking]

[Tyrion is carefully going over the books, when Furiosa arrives, and his gaze is at first surprised. Then he lifts an eyebrow at her with interest, before he goes behind the bar to fetch some tequila, some grapefruit juice, a few limes and a touch of what they call cola. He put them all together, and plucked in a straw, then put it before her.]

A young woman with very good taste offered me that recipe. I am not entirely sure what is called, but it reminds me of summer. Now, what would you like to ask me about?

video » private

[steeledskin]

[ yes, she's listened to every word. and taken umbrage with a few -- though she'll not play the contrarian today.

instead: ] You were in one of the Eyrie's sky cells, my lord?

video » private

[tallasaking]

[The look that Tyrion gives her in return is, well, piercing. He folds his hands together from his spot behind the bar, and speaks frankly.]

Yes. Your lord mother had me imprisoned there when she thought I had attempted to kill your brother. I would not confess, so they kept me in a sky cell until I did. I never did, because I would never hurt a child.

[He glowers down at his hands.] ... I have tried, extremely hard, to not hurt anyone who does not deserve it. To protect those who needed to be protected, and stand up to those who would harm innocent people.

[namisan]

Oh, you're the new manager at Malum? Congrats.

[And THANK GOD. She needs her damn sleep.]

[tallasaking]

Why yes I am, and who might you be? [He tilted his head, because he's never spoken to this woman.]

video

[bryces_pup]

[Oh thank fuck. Finally she has some context on this place. She's heard a lot of bits and pieces, but frankly, without some of that background knowledge, a lot of it has been useless. Now, a few dots finally connect.]

Thank you for imparting your knowledge. [And thank you for being kind to the Starks. She's learned enough to know what he's left out. Still, one thing does capture her attention-]

You are a Lannister? [Has she heard some things about that lot.] You sound as if you're the black sheep of your family. And perhaps, in this case, it is a good thing.

Re: video

[tallasaking]

[He bows slightly, before he smiles at her, a crooked and wry smile.] That I am, twice over. A Lannister and a black sheep and ... yes. A very good thing.

[ video ]

[axiomed]

You've certainly worked hard.

[ video ]

[tallasaking]

[He bows, with the faintest of smirks on his face.]

I thank you kindly, Professor.

video;

[moonofmylife]

[She listens intently to his entire post. Poem and History lesson. How did she get so lucky to land herself an advisor who was so well versed? Of course he was from a Great House so he had to have been properly educated since birth. Still, she's in complete awe of him. The more she hears the higher her eyebrows raise for a minute and then a small laugh here and there. The bit about Cersei certainly gave her pause.

Finally, she addresses him over the device she carries with her, smiling and maybe blushing a little bit. 'A delight' he said.]

Your stories.... I've never learned so much of Westeros before. My brother and I did not grow up with a Maester to teach me. I only had him and Viserys was... not nearly so detailed. Or patient with his words.

[He'd only ever told her the more biased pieces of history and then other stories of their house that Tyrion had not mentioned.]

I have so many questions and yet I find myself not sure if some of them need answers.

[She wanted to know about Rhaegar and his Northern girl. She wanted to know about her father and at the same time she did not. 'Boiling people in oil' made her stomach knot, but then she had fed slavers to her dragons. She had the stories tucked away like a rock in her chest, a reminder of what she could become if she wasn't more aware. She had every bit of the fierceness her brother had, though it was a more tempered flame than the burning inferno Viserys had in life.]

video;

[tallasaking]

[She was a delight, and that blush made her even more so. Ah, Lannister. Always a fool for the pretty, strong, slightly broken ones. He put one hand to his chest and bowed formally.]

I would happy and proud to instruct you further, your Majesty. You need only ask, and name the time and the place.

[He pauses, and then he looks thoughtful.]

My Queen, you should know it all, so you know how to best move forward with your plans. Not all of it will be pleasant, true, but that will allow you to react with greater empathy, and understanding, when the time comes for you to return to Westeros. You must learn your history, or you are doomed to follow the wheel once more.

[He would not have her fall into the pit of Aerys or her mad brother. Let her be the female Rhaegar, minus the kidnapping of women.]

video;

[universal_charm]

Tyrion, if you're still longing for me so, you only have to come out and say it.

_{[ He grins at him, sure the other would see his teasing for what it was. ]}

Re: video;

[tallasaking]

Jim. We've already agreed that you are the one who is longing for me. Don't confuse the masses.

[All said with a completely straight face, until the slow smirk that appears.]

(Video)

[castintoflames]

I feel I am prepared to enter this Westeros on my own after such a lesson! (Goodness, Tyrion.)

Re: (Video)

[tallasaking]

...I would not attempt it until you have come to the next two parts of my lecture series. Our politics are slightly more complicated now than they used to be. [A wry smile.]

video

[pneumo]

Ahh, your reading is almost as good as your singing!

Re: video

[tallasaking]

[Because it is Sascha, Tyrion's bow is a little more florid than usual.]

Your compliments, as always, flatter my vanity.

video

[bythewaves]

You should have been a bard, sir, with your skill for condensing history so. It will never cease to amaze me what Men will get up to. Dragons, truly?

[ Not touching the bit about incest with a long pole because yeah you humans are strange, even half-cousins are weird for them, but siblings? ]

Re: video

[tallasaking]

A bard? Like a singing minstrel? Well, it would not be a horrible way to make a living - but I do hate their clothing. All the jingling bells... ugh.

[He nods, a smile on his face.]

Dragons. And you are ... an elf, yes? We have no elves where I come from.

video

[wolfehawke]

Firstly, one saucy poem deserves another. I'm no wordsmith, but I remember this from the tavern.

Rosalina, a pretty young lass
Had a bruly magnificant ass
Not rounded and pink
As you possibly think
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

[He looks quite pleased with himself after that repetition, then clears his throat.]

As for your incredibly thorough overview of the lands and politics of your world, I do have a question.

[Adalwolfe's eyes are bright and he leans into the video, looking positively giddy.]

House Targaryan has dragons under their command, you say?

Re: video

[tallasaking]

...All right that is brilliant, and I am writing it down.

[Which of course, he is. The question gets him to look upwards, slightly bemused.]

Well, yes.

[He puts on a smug look.] What, do your kings and queens not ride dragons where you are from?

Action

[complicatedliar]

[Sure, he'll bite. He's bored, and avoiding certain people. So he'll come drop by, acquire a glass of something red wine-esque if there's no mead, and have a seat. Chin in one hand:]

I've heard worse sorts of poems, which is a sad comment upon the life I have led, perhaps. Such as:

Lo I the man, whose Muse whilome did maske,
As time her taught in lowly Shepheards weeds,
Am now enforst a far unfitter taske,
For trumpets sterne to chaunge mine Oaten reeds,
And sing of Knights and Ladies gentle deeds;
Whose prayses having slept in silence long,
Me, all too meane, the sacred Muse areeds
To blazon broad emongst her learned throng:
Fierce warres and faithful loves shall moralize my song.
Helpe then, O holy Virgin chiefe of nine,
Thy weaker Novice to performe thy will,
Lay forth out of thine everlasting scryne
The antique rolles, which there lye hidden still,
Of Faerie knights and fairest Tanaquill,
Whom that most noble Briton Prince so long
Sought through the world, and suffered so much ill,
That I must rue his undeserved wrong:
O helpe thou my weake wit, and sharpen my dull tong...

Which isn't anywhere near the end of the thing. It goes on like that for six books.

[Really, he's here to get more fuel for making Theon's life a living Hel--a god must have a hobby, aftera all--but he's in no rush.]

Re: Action

[tallasaking]

[There is much red-wine like drinks, and Tyrion will pour him one. His eyebrows raise, as he goes to sit on his stool.]

That goes on for six entire books? Poor fellow, he must have found a lot to lament over. Just how many times is he going to beseech that poor Virgin for help? She sounds a little overwhelmed.

video »

[aliased]

Hmmrph.

video »

[tallasaking]

[... how is his life even fair? How? Ah well, at least it isn't Cersei.]

Lady Arya.

[A bow, deep and polite, before he straightens and eyes her. Warily.]

video »

[partialities]

[ Margaery listens with a keen sort of smile throughout most of the thing. she appears as if nothing had happened, for all the work she had to do at medbay lately - all blue silks, generous cleavage and brown curls dyed blue at the ends. it supplies her with much to think of, of the dragons coming and what could that mean to her and hers.

she does gasp in mock scandal at the part of her house. ]

They would think I paid you to give me all those compliments.

video »

[tallasaking]

I would take no such coin, to speak the truth.

[He bows to her, as respectfully as ever. Looking at her with a keener eye.] I've always thought you to be as lovely as you are intelligent, Lady Margaery. Which should imply that I find you one of the most beautiful women in all the known world.

video.

[ofkirkwall]

[ Take three guesses what Hawke took from this post, go ahead. ]

Does this mean I can get free drinks?

Re: video.

[tallasaking]

[... Take a moment to appreciate the dry expression that Tyrion is giving you, Marian. Including the eyebrow. He is especially proud of the eyebrow.]

You are going to have to work on your pitch, Hawke. I didn't hear a single statement of bribery or flattery in there to get you free drinks at all.

video;

[frigidaire]

Pretty sure you lost me at the weird poem. If you want to pick up hot chicks there are better ways, dude.

[ Though it's kind of cool learning about other people's worlds, Isaac is a bored, cranky teenager. Apologies. ]

Re: video;

[tallasaking]

Oh?

[Well, Tyrion cannot deny logic that is right in front of him. Not with a pretty-faced youth in front of him.]

How, precisely, does one pick up 'hot chicks'?

[intelligently]

That's a lot of history.

[tallasaking]

Would you believe I have been asked to give two more lectures on the subject?

>> malum

[ladybro]

[ so, it's been a few days. and in the meantime, they've ended up as co-workers of a sort. tyrion might tout the title of manager, but kate's never been the takes orders type.

luckily for everyone involved, however, she's definitely the teamwork type. so she approaches tyrion while wiping down a wine glass. ]

You must be thirsty after all of that lecturing. [ a crooked smile. ]

malum

[tallasaking]

[He would be surprised that she doesn't take orders - really she seems like such an orderly type - but he's currently going through the schedule to try to stretch all the people. He really was going to have to make an announcement to hire more assistance.]

[He glanced over at her, and gave her a wry little smile in turn.] Parched. I do not suppose I could beg upon you a glass of water?

voice

[kingofbadlifechoices]

[To be fair, Robb had laughed at Tyrion's broadcast. And he had laughed even harder when he confirms the rumors Stannis Baratheon starts.

Lannisters lie and they are a dishonorable lot, and incest...? Well, that is not a surprise either.]

It has been a long time since I have had such a good laugh, lord Tyrion. My compliments.

[Still, he is not that stubborn.]

Re: voice

[tallasaking]

[Now that was a laugh he wasn't expecting to hear from this -- regardless, he is glad to hear one.

He tipped his fingers into a silent salute.]

You are most welcome, Lord Stark.

[Oh like the Seven's curses you are not.]

video

[resnipstance]

By the Force...

It's like being in Madame Jocasta's class all over again. [But Ahsoka still listened diligently to every word of it.] I feel like my head is spinning...

Re: video

[tallasaking]

I feel I should bow at such an accomplishment.

[goldenglasses]

[Vash listened quietly.

Okay. He snickered pretty loudly at the poem then went quiet. Interested in learning a bit more of his crew mates's world.]

That was very informative. I probably would be light headed after all that talking.

[tallasaking]

[Tyrion ducked into a low bow, before his mouth twitched up at the lips.]

I am, but water and wine shall fix that. [Mostly.]