driftfleet | (no subject)

I know I did. I'm not asking anyone for forgiveness.

[ That's not how he deals with things. He'd rather try hopelessly to make up for it in his own way.

Winter keeps his back to the wall, eyes not leaving Erik. How likely is he to even believe a word that he says? ]

I don't remember any of it. [ He sighs wearily. ] There are protocols built into my head. They're not good. The Atroma must have..I don't know. Figured them out. Looked in my head.

[He ignores Winter's first comment. He's not looking for forgiveness, and Erik isn't the kind of person who goes around giving it out. In fact, he prefers that Winter shoulders some of the blame, even if it doesn't all belong to him.

Winter's story tallies with what Charles told him. It's a point in his favour. He lets out a short huff.]

Simple enough, when we have these augments plugged into them. So, you remember nothing.

[ Winter honestly wishes that he could remember exactly what he'd done. ]

No, but it was easy enough to figure out. The network was..helpful.

[ Upsetting. Non-fatal, at the very least. ]

[Erik raises his chin, surveying Winter for a moment in silence. Then:]

I dropped you through the floor.

You did what you had to.

[ Obviously he was fine. ]

No, I did you a favour. The other option was to drop the ceiling on you. [Which would have killed him.]

Charles has already vouched for you, for what happened. So I am not inclined to be as upset as I might have been normally.

Next time, drop the ceiling.

[ He knows how dangerous he is. It's better to go for the kill and fail than try to give a murder machine any sort of mercy. ]

[He's silent for a moment, boring holes into Winter with his gaze. Then, he jerks his chin sideways, with a huff.]

Not that I need the encouragement, but that's already crossed my mind. I'd rather not start killing people around here if I can help it. [He's gone months and months without trying to kill anyone, and longer without actually doing it. He needs to stay the course.]

When-- [ He shakes his head. No. He's not going to think that way. ] If this happens again, just kill me. Or bring someone who doesn't have a problem with it.

[ He'd rather not make someone do it who doesn't want the blood on their hands. It's a shit situation to put someone in. ]

I didn't want to hurt anyone. [ The confession is abrupt, though hopefully obvious compared to his demeanor on the Iskaulit. ] Guess what I wanted really doesn't matter.

[ Someone's machine yet again. Weapons don't have rights and don't get to feel things. ]

[He's silent for a long moment.]

You're right. It doesn't matter to the kinds of beings who control these places.

When I was in one of those other places I told you about, they ran competitions between all the teams there. Some were benign. Others were violent. There came a particular competition where the Portrait in charge simply... reached into everyone, and brought out their worst natures. The things they try to repress about themselves. [The reference to a "Portrait" may sound odd, but it's what lies behind the act that matters. Erik shuts his eyes.]

I killed three people that day, and attacked plenty of others. [He'd been killed in turn. He hadn't cared. The other repressed thing that became a driving force was how little he cared about himself, how little he could think of himself as a person. Opening his eyes again, he still feels some of the revulsion that event inspired in him. It's what prompts him to say anything at all to Winter.] It doesn't matter that they were brought back to life immediately, or that others were doing the same. I was still the one doing it. [It's still part of his very being. Frankenstein's Monster, indeed.]

It didn't matter to the one who caused it. They got what they wanted. But it mattered to me, and everyone else. What you want matters too.

[ He listens intently to Erik, a deep frown on his face. Erik is sharing something deeply personal with him, and he takes it to heart. God, he can't imagine being in a position like that. Having to kill your team like that only for them to be brought back?

Playing god like that isn't an act that any sort of benevolent being would partake in. The same with the Atroma, honestly. Pushing them forward, messing with their heads.. They're likely working up to something bigger. ]

Hopefully that gets taken into consideration.

[ He doubts it, really. ]

I can guarantee at least one person will be on your side. [Charles in particular.] And frankly, it satisfies me to hear it from your own mouth, so I've considered it.

I don't hold it against you if you don't.

[ And Charles is a good person, so he would believe Winter, even if he didn't deserve it. ]

I already said I did, so stop trying to change my mind. [Erik's perfectly capable of flipping on Winter on his own merits, should the need arise.]

And if you want assurances about stopping you this theoretical 'next time'? Keep that medallion I gave you on your person.

I can do that.

[ He still has the medallion in the drawer to his bedside table. He just has to remember to actually wear it. ]

Very well. [It would be simple work to shatter the medallion and drive the shards into Winter's vitals, should the need arise. Ideally, it won't come to that. But Erik doesn't intend on being overcome like that again.

He seems to consider the conversation over with that, turning to leave.]