driftfleet | Let's all hold hands and sing Kumbaya

Has anything to do with us ever been normal?

[ She would say more, be particularly ridiculous and as close to cheerful as she can get, but then Erik is sinking into the water. The scarring would normally be something she ignores completely, considering it's none of her business and, though he had told her to ask questions, there are some things you don't pry into. What catches her attention is the obvious, and her breathing is caught in her throat as the familiarity washes over her and leaves her afraid, her hands clenching and her eyes widening before she has to look away.

She can't look. The fear and the panic that slams into her makes her feel ridiculous, like a child, and she has to make it stop.

Again, she has to be strong, and she forces herself to speak. ]

Have you had fun with acorns yet?

[ Act normal. It's fine. She's fine, and Erik is fine. ]

[Erik lowers his chin and watches her closely. Maybe another kind of person would have warned her before displaying something so harrowing; not him. He doesn't much deal in warnings and lowering expectations. Even with her attention deliberately turned away, he knows where her thoughts are really running. One of his hands fists under the water, then relaxes. He doesn't need to say anything if she doesn't ask. (Maybe that would be better. Better than having to explain, dredge up those memories.)]

I've been paid, if that's what you mean. Unless there are counterfeit acorns around. [It's nearly ludicrous enough to be distracting. Nearly.]

You could just get them from trees.

[ Both of them aren't speaking about the issue rising between them, and eventually Raven knows they're going to snap. She's uncomfortable with it, and she's not happy, but avoiding her issues has only lead to more problems - between her and Hank, her and Charles, her and everyone else that knows too much about her. She can't just pretend this hasn't happened. ]

I don't want to know, but if I ever find the person that did it to you I'll kill them.

[ No hesitation. ]

They can tell the difference. [Different varieties of acorns, you see.] The ones they use for currency are made, I think.

[Raven's comment draws him up short on anything else he might say on the subject of acorn finance. It chills his blood, despite the heat of the water around him. How often had he felt the same way? ...hard to remember now, with this particular foe. He knows he tried to kill Systems once, before he'd been ripped apart by him, and it's hard to recall that time when he was proud and vicious enough to try it. Because even with eleven years of distance between him and the act, many attempts to lay his demons to rest... if he were to see Systems again, Erik thinks he would flinch. The Portrait throws a shadow over his past comparable to Shaw's.

He looks away, one hand drifting under the water to briefly touch the scarring over his navel.]

It was a robot, but I appreciate the thought.

That doesn't make 'acorns as money' much better.

[ There's nothing that can undo that sort of damage and she knows it; it doesn't just scar you physically, it does it mentally as well. You can't undo the horrors that you see, you can't undo the disfigurement, and all you can do is live with it. People think it's easier for her because her body reshapes and fixes itself, that she doesn't scar and doesn't suffer, but, really, it's just as bad. She has the memories and the knowledge that she might be able to move on where others can't. She suffers more in her mind, and that's her punishment.

Raven wears her scars in her actions, and she wonders how often people notice.

She doesn't move closer, but she does reach out and kick his shin gently, as close as she's going to get to companionship. ]

I could kill a robot.

[It's a trifling tap underwater, but he still plays along with a look of irritation.]

You could. But now we're going to get into a dilemma as to whether you can kill something that isn't truly alive.

[Whether Systems was "alive" or not had never factored into the maelstrom of feelings Erik had about him. He had still tried to strangle him, against all reasonable judgement.]

[ And all Raven does is turn her head and look innocent. ]

Then I'll destroy it, it'll be gone, semantics don't matter, Erik.

[He heaves a sigh, though he's touched deep inside.]

It has been. That whole world no longer exists. [And oh, wasn't that a joy to hear, when Belt had let him know that the library was no more. The only lingering sense of disappointment he feels is that he hadn't been able to kill Systems himself. Tear him limb from robotic limb.

Some dreams are unattainable.]

Oh.

[ Well then. That solves that problem, though Raven still thinks she would've been able to take down a robot without too much trouble, somehow. Tilting her head, she watches him, a little guarded and uncertain before she huffs. ]

Let's hope there isn't a next time, for their sakes.

[There's a telling silence, and his gaze drifts away. The library was hardly the only world to employ the tactics he'd seen. Kyriakos was built along the same lines. And then there were those other places he'd been told about, at least two others that dragged people across worlds without their memories and had them compete to win them back.]

I'd rather focus on what needs to be eliminated at home, really. [It's a constant irritation that he's been taken out of the world again, before he'd had the time to recuperate and turn his attention to the real work of his life. How was he expected to decide his next course when he's never on the playing field?]

[ Raven can't help her desperate overprotectiveness - she feels it burn through her, and it's not just because Erik is a mutant and it's not just because he's someone she looks up to; it's because he's still family to her, burning inside of her, and she can't ignore that. She can't just shrug his pain off, because she genuinely cares too much about him for it to be possible.

Shifting, she waves a little closer to him, suddenly not comfortable with the distance. She's afraid that if she doesn't touch him then he might disappear, and that if impossible to her. ]

I'm working on that.

[He looks back to her at the sudden movement, a question in his eyes.]

I know you are. You've never ceased to pursue our goal. [And it is their goal, for all the grief that's come between them. Erik is thankful that Charles understands, finally, that there are some things he simply can't budge on. Can't concede. He isn't wrong to seek out a more direct approach, make a different now instead of hoping vainly that humanity will change if they keep holding out their palms to them to show they mean no harm. Humans mean them harm; that much won't change.]

[ Raven just watches him, like a startled animal, for a moment, her expression tense and tight before she huffs a noise and practically shoves herself beside him, nudging his arm before she glances away, very catlike. She's not going to comment on her sudden need for closeness and neither will he, she's sure of it. ]

I don't know what I'm perusing now. I just want to save them. [ The mutants, their people, all of the ones that are suffering. There's a very idealistic moment where she thinks about her and Erik going home together and then walking forward as a pair to help, but... She doesn't imagine that will happen, nor will it work. Both of them have connections to the mansion and love in their hearts, but she can't believe in the idea that they might walk forward and work together again.

It just seems impossible. ]

[The movement closer doesn't startle him, though feeling her press in that close does surprise him a little. They're doing better than they were, but he hadn't felt they were on this level of closeness. He opts not to call attention to it. Things are awkward enough. Especially once their feelings start to transmit.]

There are many ways to do that. [Her way. Charles's way. His way.]

[ She does make sure to leave a little distance between them, not just because of the emotions of the planet but because of propriety. She doesn't really think anyone they're close to would care, given how long they were together alone without them and the intensity of their friendship turned loss turned friendship again, but all the same... The idea of Charles or Hank stumbling across them like this does make her fight back a laugh. ]

I'll find my own way. That's what I have to do.

[ It's what Charles had advised as well, and she can't quite find it within herself to shrug it off, the confusion twisting and awkward around her. ]

I have no doubt about that. [Raven's place is no longer at his side. They had worked well together for a time, but it was clear to him now that his leadership was built on sand, not bedrock. He's not even certain he wants to lead anyone, anymore. Not when all he's done is lead them into death.]

You taught me everything I know. [ Tilting her head up, she gazes at him for a long, long moment, unable to look away. ] I would've followed you until the day I died. I might still do that now, not because you're our leader but because you're my family. I wanted you to know that. [ And she has to look away, frustrated and thankful that her pink flush doesn't really show on blue skin. ]

[It strikes him suddenly what an odd place this is to have this conversation. Naked in hot springs. Raven's earnest speech strikes to his core, the centre of himself that does, quietly, want to belong somewhere and have family around him. It's the centre for a reason... much like it is surrounded by layers of armor and weapons for a reason. The fate of mutantkind has always come first for him, at the expense of anything else in his life. It has led him to cast away relationships as soon as they became obstacles in his path. His grip on that heightened level of determination has loosened, somewhat. He came home with Charles because he wanted something more than a solitary existence, no matter how vital his purpose is.

Raven joining him once again would be beneficial. And yet, he remembers how things ended. Raven had a different place in the world from him. Before he had been taken to Kyriakos, he had gone into hiding, intending to bide his time and wait for the furor surrounding the Nixon event to die down. All of that has been thrown into doubt. More than one purpose wars inside him now.

Eventually, he lets out a breath, leaning back against the rocks.]

No. I taught you everything I know. You spent ten years learning other things. You are the sum of your own experiences, not just mine. I'm not the leader of anything or anyone at the moment. Only myself. If others are to come, then I'll be glad to have them. [He had made the call, across the world. Now he doesn't know if anyone will respond, or if he's in the right place to see their answer.] Including you. But this is not a decision for this place, Raven.

[ It seems very typical of the two of them - it's not as if they could have serious conversations is normal places. The last one had been in a phone booth with plastic shoved against his neck, and Raven still feels some of that twisting, bottled up anger inside of her sometimes - she has to work through it, because she knows, rationally, that she's not really mad at Erik anymore. She can understand why he had chosen to do what he'd done and while it was difficult to accept it doesn't mean that she's going to loathe or avoid him forever.

It might be a little obvious.

Shaking her head, Raven glances out over at the rocks and the springs around them, letting her eyes drink it in and settle in her memories. It's better than the places she'd stayed in when she had been tracking Trask and the lost mutants, and she's definitely had worse afternoons than this one. She only turns back to look at him when he speaks, her gaze flickering over his face before she nods her head, frowning. ]

You don't have to be a leader to be inspirational or important, you know. Just because we weren't together didn't mean I stopped thinking about you, what you'd do or say. It helped. [ Crossing her arms, she closes her eyes. ] I've already told Charles I'm not going to stay when we go home, if that's what you mean. I can't promise anything about what's going to happen once we do go back, but - I don't know who I am anymore. You asked me, remember? Am I Charles' Raven or Mystique?

[ She shrugs, her arm brushing along his. ]

I haven't got any idea. That's what I need to figure out.

[He remembers those words, and while it had been vital to ask them, it had also been divisive. He knows now that there's more than two sides to things, and so much in between. With his expression clearing, he nods.]

It's late to be saying it, but it doesn't have to be one or the other. They aren't the only two options. That's what I've learned. [As he's amassed name after name, identity after identity, he's come to realise that it's impossible to draw a line between them. He can't fully distinguish Erik from Magneto, nor Blade from Steel. They're facets, and faces to wear in different situations. Each has its place.]

Let's all hold hands and sing Kumbaya

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject