Open mingle for the First Breath

[treasureling]

Who: Everyone on the First Breath! Including newbs, if any are assigned today
Broadcast: Maybe?!
Action: First Breath
When: 2/7-2/14? About the next week

[ Mingle post for the First Breath (& guests)! ]

Comments

[treasureling]

It's possible, obviously, thinks Malak - the gods can have powers like that, terrifying as it is. But he doesn't think there's a way for mortals to become gods.

"Was it true?" he asks.

[proteusmoon]

"I don't know for certain." Cecil shrugs a shoulder uncomfortably. She's suddenly rather upset, agitated thinking about it all— and realizing that there are so many gaps and missing pieces to her memory of Court that it's more disturbing than she originally thought. "I do not believe it was though. No one had ever reached that rank before and no one was even close while I was still there."

[treasureling]

He reaches out and touches her, his fingertips to her arm. "I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't mean to upset you." Women who are warriors may not like to admit it, usually, in his experience, but they do have emotions, and they can be upset. Sometimes it just takes a man, more emotional, quicker to anger and lust and more, to show them.

[proteusmoon]

Cecil isn't like most women warriors though. Kain was that sort-- the type who buried everything and was good at it. For her part, she tried to be the same, but she always has felt her emotions far too keenly to ignore them entirely. She doesn't shrug off Malak's touch, but nor does she lean into it exactly. Her shoulders slump and she frowns more sharply, but she doesn't try to hide that she's upset.

"I know," she says softly. "It's fine, Malak. I don't blame you. It's not your fault. You couldn't have known and there's nothing wrong with asking questions." She takes a deep breath and slowly reaches up to wrap her small, white fingers around his hand where it rests on her arm. She squeezes reassuringly. "It's difficult... Sometimes I still have nightmares. I just can't always remember what they are."

[treasureling]

He should have known, anyway. His thumb strokes over her fingers, and then he pulls away, not wanting to push the physical contact.

"I'm sorry, anyhow," he says. "We all have our scars."

[proteusmoon]

She forces a smile. "I know," she says, "That's why mine aren't remarkable."

[treasureling]

"They're all remarkable," he corrects her. "They all matter."

[proteusmoon]

She laughs a little at his insistence, finding it endearing and recognizing that she is being a little hypocritical here. If their places were reversed, she would be saying the same things to him. "You're right-- I just don't know how to deal with mine, I suppose. There isn't anything I can really do about them and even if I did know, I'm not sure I should want to."

[treasureling]

"There's never anything we can do about the past."

Something he has struggled with, himself. He still does, sometimes.

"Only what we do next." His eyes drop, then; he feels keenly his failure to move on from what's happened to him.

[proteusmoon]

Seeing the expression that was just on her face reflected on his is awfully telling. She lifts a hand and comfortingly rests it on his back, rubbing lightly.

"Some things cannot be moved on from so much as they have to be lived through. Everyone heals differently."

[treasureling]

"Some things aren't supposed to be wounds in the first place." He actually snaps this, a little too harshly, and in the next instant looks a little startled and a lot sorry.

[proteusmoon]

She's startled herself even and she takes her touch away from him immediately, folding her hands in her lap and slouching her shoulders in an instinctive move to make herself look even less intimidating than she already does. She doesn't get up and leave though or snap back at him, realizing from how he looks back at her that he didn't mean it. Still, she's wary of causing another similar reaction.

"...No... I... I agree," she says, her voice much quieter and a touch more timid than he has ever heard it yet. That's all she says though.

[treasureling]

He doesn't know what to say. He didn't expect anything to bring it out in him like that. Slides his head into his hands.

"I'm invisible where I come from," he says, softly. "Everything about me is invisible, except the girls."

[proteusmoon]

Cecil still doesn't make any move to leave. Impulsively, she lifts a hand again to touch him comfortingly, but she stops herself just short of touching his head.

"The girls?"

[treasureling]

He looks up to her.

"I never told you about my daughters?" he asks.

[proteusmoon]

"You have babies?" She asks not in disbelief so much as surprise, then she shakes her head. "You didn't. But that explains all the cooking. I suspected you were used to preparing meals for more people than just yourself."

She falls quiet for a moment though, then adds on softly:

"You're not invisible to me."

[treasureling]

"It's different here." His way of giving an apology, acknowledging her words, thanking her, even if he can't come out and say it quite yet.

"I have two daughters," he says. "Brinna is the elder; she's nine years, already drawn her first blood in combat." He is proud of her. "Viere is younger, only four."

[proteusmoon]

Cecil isn't one to hold a grudge over something like this. She sympathizes with him, really, and she remembers some of the things that happened to her in Court that make his reaction earlier make a little more sense to her.

"Pretty names for strong, pretty girls, I'm sure," she remarks. "And you're right— things are different here. Most look at women, even those like myself, the way you are used to people looking at you."

[treasureling]

"As someone beautiful, and helpless."

He lets out a breath.

"I'm sorry I reacted that way," he says. "I didn't expect it." He's calmer, now. Whatever it was, it's gone back under the surface.

[proteusmoon]

"I know," she says softly, "It's all right. No harm done."

Well, that's not entirely true; it did sting a little to be rebuked by him like that. Still, she does believe he didn't do it intentionally and she forgives him.

"You know... if you ever want to just talk to someone about it, I'll listen."

[treasureling]

"It's the past," he says, after a long pause. "I didn't fit right. I missed my chance to be happy. That's all." He'd been honestly resigned to living the rest of his life the way he is now, unattached, earning his own money - in the name of his daughters, of course. Loving them, and making that most of who he was.

"Do you want something to eat?" he asks. "I thought I might try a new combination of flavors tonight."

[proteusmoon]

She hesitates. She wants to hug him, shake him, tell him that, no, he hasn't missed his chance to be happy. Just because he doesn't have what his society's idea of happiness for him is doesn't mean he can't be happy...

But she can tell he wants to move on from the topic and so she bites down on her lower lip to stifle her disagreements and simply lets him steer the conversation away from the scars he doesn't want to talk about.

"We do have a new crewmate to welcome," she says, "I think he's going to be a picky eater, honestly."

[treasureling]

"He doesn't eat meat," says Malak, dryly. And Malak doesn't particularly like him, though that's not something he'll come out and say. It's probably visible in his expression, though.

[proteusmoon]

"What? Really?" This is obviously an unheard of practice to her. "Well... why not?"

Cecil kind of commiserates with Malak's feelings towards their newest addition. She's trying to keep an open mind about Jordan, but she's not quite sure what to think of him. His obsession with his... partner or whatever it is they've going on and how he refers to the other man simply as "his" doesn't sit well with her.

[treasureling]

"I didn't ask," he says. It does give a convenient shortcut: if he doesn't want Jordan touching some dish, he can put it next to something with meat in it, on the same plate. "When I did ask questions, things only got worse."