driftfleet | [video/Action]

Entry tags:

[video/Action]

Who: Kitty Pryde and everyone who tags!
Broadcast: Yep!
Action: Planet fun! Or Windrose maybe. I'm flexible.
When: Now or nowish. Definitely now-adjacent.

[Broadcast]
I have an important request. I need someone who can make cheese. Do cheese makers have an old timey name like cobblers and haberdashers or are those only for clothes? Anyway, calling all of those.

Cheese doesn't seem to be a thing here from what I can tell, but we're just one ingredient away from some really great pizza. I have no idea what cheese requires other than cows or goats or something. I grew up so close to Wisconsin, but I feel like I learned so little.

I would also accept alternative cheese. I know there were vegan kinds made out of hopes and dreams or something I assume. I can pay you or share the finished pizza or do something in trade if I had skills. I could beat someone up for you maybe. [She's not going to do that. Probably.] We'll work it out.

[Action]
[She's on the planet doing all of these things and more but this post won't get to CAPTCHA! You might find her on the Windrose veeeery rarely!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[She nods slowly and something about sensing his feelings and reactions helps her. Instead of overwhelming her more which seemed all too possible, she draws a breath and sorts it out.]

I didn't do anything wrong. [It's not as confident as it could be, but it feels right when she says it and that's something.]

And you have every right to be jealous. [They don't sound like they should match up, but they do, right? There was nothing off in her heart but he's entitled to his feelings and it could look off. Just like if she were jealous of Kara it would make sense. She just hasn't been. Maybe because Kara was a pre-existing condition she always knew about.]

And I'm scared you'll get overwhelmed and tell me you can't do this anymore and leave me. [No one was the villain with Reid. Neither of them were perfect, but neither of them really did anything wrong either. It was lots of understandable things that ended with them apart.]

I don't know what to do.

I could never leave you.

[ it's honest, and echoed by their connection. it's plain and simple - he can't. even if she did end up hurting him badly in some way that was her fault - he'd take it, he'd let her. the only reason he's told her what he's feeling at all is because she keeps doing everything she can to make him feel like it's safe to do so. he still doesn't feel safe - but he wants to try, try and see what a real equal relationship feels like. ]

I don't think you did anything wrong, but I can't help how I feel. I told you you're too good for me, maybe now you'll believe it.

[ his tone tries to make it a joke, his skin on hers conveys the genuine fear that she will - and she'll decide she can't do this anymore. he knows how unattractive his petty jealousy is, but he's kind of naive, and not as honest or as open as she wants him to be, he overworks himself, he's useless in a fight, he has a long list of fears and he reminds her of her ex all the time (even now. there's just a wave of self loathing at how he reminds her of reid now - hurting her is the last thing he ever wants to have in common with that man). there're so many reasons to replace him. too many reasons. ]

I don't think you're feeling anything wrong.

[She feels everything he's putting off and she falls quiet as she takes it in along with his words.] Listen. [Almost like she's talking about holding a shell up to his ear.]

How alike are we? [Their fears are so similar and overlapping. She hugs him tighter. It doesn't wash their problems away, but at least they can understand each other and isn't that something?]

[ he holds her quietly for a long time, eyes shut tightly to keep the tears at bay as her feelings wash over him, so easily recognizable. he hates that she feels like this. he hates that he feels like this. it's a terrible feeling that the truth is - neither one of them deserves.

it takes him a little too long to find his voice. ]

Too alike.

[ she has enough pain in her life, must she have this too? somehow, that she's feeling it hurts him a lot more. maybe because he's so used to him feeling it himself, he's not sure what he'd ever do without it. ]

[Softly.] Yeah. [She doesn't like that he feels it either when his worth seems so clear to her. The way hers does to him.]

I love you. Thank you for being honest with me. [It really does mean a lot to her even if it can be scary too.]

[ he sucks in a quick breath - and lets it out slowly. ]

Yeah, sure.

[ he can't help but feel a little bit like he shouldn't have been, though, because now what? he doesn't want her to be uncomfortable around her friends because of him, but he also really hates how he's feeling right now because it really is just...like shit. ]

I love you too.

[She can feel his hesitations and she's not wrong. It will be harder in some ways, but it would have been worse if she knew he was hiding something from her. She would have almost definitely made up something worse in her mind. She reaches up, rubbing his back as they lean on each other.]

Should we...talk about boundaries? Or I don't know. I guess we never even really said we were exclusive, but I think we both felt it. [It's not something she's ever done before so she's not sure how to talk about it let alone how to go about it.]

I'll be honest with you, I don't think I have any idea how to be anything but exclusive.

[ he can't be with someone without developing feelings (usually instantly) and he can't develop feelings and go be with someone else. he's felt jealous of handsome men around her after one meeting.

even now, that he knows without a doubt that they are exclusive - that's what boyfriend means. exclusive. that's what her feelings, which he's been feeling so strongly since they got here, mean - there's a pang of panic there, that maybe she's trying to say she doesn't want to be. ]

I don't want to make things awkward between you and Tyrion.

I don't think I do either. [Hooking up with Winn was an attempt at not being exclusive and if failed in the best kind of way.] And I want to be exclusive with you. I don't even really know what I'm asking. Just to be on the same page for what that means I guess.

[She frowns at him mentioning Tyrion again.] Are you really worried there's something between me and Tyrion? [Was he worried before tonight?]

[ she definitely picked the worst person she could to try and not be exclusive with. ]

Alright - [ he nods. that's probably a good thing to clarify. he gestures towards the bed ] Let's -- sit. [ it feels like a sitting sort of conversation and he's so tired; emotionally and physically. it's been a hell of a day between work, talking to margaery, and talking to kitty. he settles in with a sigh. ]

No. I dunno. I trust you, and I know you love me. I just...got a little blindsided.

[ by how romantic the meal she was describing was. and it's hard for him to let go of fear. they're really close. the right mood, the right drinks, it doesn't feel as impossible as he wishes it would. then again, when they were starting out, he was jealous of jim - look how that turned out. ]

[No regrets.]

[She settles in next to him on the bed and she rests her head on his shoulder.] I didn't mean to blindside you. [Her fingers absently intertwine with his.]

Other than you, Tyrion and, of course, Kurt are probably my closest friends here. Like Kara and Cisco for you I guess. [Except they're different people getting different things out of their friendships. And Jim might be a better one to throw in since the close connections come from how much they've opened up to each other.]

I'd do anything for Kurt. [And that one is non-negotiable. Kill for him. Die for him. Making him a special meal definitely falls somewhere on the list. Also smacking him when he's being stupid and holding him all night if he's having nightmares.]

[ he gives her hand a little squeeze. ]

No Kitty I don't - I don't want us to negotiate what we can or can't do for our friends - anything you wanna do for any friend - you should do it. Just when it's that date-like...do you think you can just mention it before it's happening? So it doesn't feel like it's behind my back?

[ he doesn't want to be the crazy jealous boyfriend. maybe if he knows what's going on he wouldn't be...he's not sure if this is fair to ask, but it definitely feels fairer to both of them than him walking around with these feelings and her -- worrying about how he'd react to her doing something nice for someone she cares about. thinking of it that way makes him feel like such a jerk - why doesn't it make the jealousy and insecurity go away? ]

[She leans against him, maybe glad for that reaction, but still not sure what to do with it.] I can see where it seems like a date now, but I didn't when I was thinking about it or doing it. I mean, I've run into people at the carnival and had snacks and gone on rides with them. Was that like a date too? I'm not trying to be difficult, but do you see what I mean?

[ it's difficult to explain because he's not quite sure where the line's drawn himself. ]

No it's...you didn't plan that - [ she didn't go to the trouble of hunting their favorite meat for those snacks, she didn't make those rides, she didn't spend -- who knows how long thinking about it, looking for a chance to make it happen. it's not them sharing a meal that made him uncomfortable it's -- how romantic that meal sounded. ]

You know that...that's the sort of thing that I wish I could do for you, if I had any idea how to make mustard or there was any chance of me making hot dogs without hurling.

Okay. I think that was the only premeditated nice thing I've done. [She nuzzles him a little.] You do so much for me already.

[She's quiet a moment before her mind settles on some other things and she wonders if she should bring them up. The problem with wandering minds here is that they don't wander alone. So when she thinks about the times (yes, plural) that she was talking to Tyrion on the network and he seemed sad and then they met up just so she could hug him, that gets fed to Winn through the link. It never felt like a betrayal. Just friendship. But she doesn't know how Winn will feel.]

[ he'd be lying if he said he was thrilled - and he can't really lie on this planet - but he gets it. he dropped everything to see cisco when he needed someone to listen to him. he went to hang out with kate and dance with her when she looked lonely. if kara needed a hug, no force in the multiverse could get between him and giving it to her. when a friend needs you - you're there, and the rest of the world's just gonna have to get over it.

he kisses the top of her head. ]

I mean it, I don't wanna come between you and your friends. This stupid jealousy's my burden, not yours. [ and it's not even her fault, she's been reassuring him from day one, even when he had no place to ask for it. she's been putting up patiently with his awkward sometimes inappropriate questions and even now she's letting him have this instead of getting mad at him. it's time he figured out some way to deal with this. maybe jim'll have an idea (not because he thinks jim has any idea how this feels but because, well, jim's the one person he could possibly bring himself to talk to about this). ]

I'm with you for all the good and the not-so-great. [She kisses his cheek.] Really with you. We're a team, right? [There might be something a little insecure in that question as she feels the tail end of him thinking of confiding in someone who isn't her. Not that she'd ever begrudge him that! Just because she'd like to know things not just because she pulled them out of him or felt them because of the planet.]

[ jim is easy to talk to exactly because he pulls things out of him. sometimes with physical violence. ]

Right. Partners.

[ he offers her a small smile. he still doesn't feel right dropping this on her - it's his problem. but having her understand, it makes dealing with it feel a lot more feasible. ]

[She hugs him more fully.] You know I'd never do anything to hurt you, right? [Which is not the same as saying she could never hurt him. It could still happen unintentionally, but she doesn't ever want to do it on purpose at least.]

I do know.

[ he holds her tightly, leaning his head against her neck. ]

I know it doesn't make a lot of sense - but I do trust you. [ it's why he doesn't want her to do anything differently with tyrion - he would hate himself if he sabotaged their friendship, he likes tyrion himself and he loves kitty - he wants her to have everything and everyone who make her happy. is it weird to feel helpless at your own feelings? because that's what he's feeling right now, in a big way. it just sounded...she has to realize what it sounded like, right? he's not crazy, he's not. the jealousy has subsided almost completely, leaving behind it mostly anxiety at the reaction it got from him.

he trusts her. then why did he feel so shitty? ]

Feelings don't always make sense. That's not their job. [She doesn't think he's crazy and she doesn't think he's turning into his father or anything like that. She thinks he's been lonely and hurting a lot of his life and he's afraid of losing the people he has now.] You know the quest for cheese is for you, right? Or well, for us. [But it's more work than she'd go to for just herself.]

I figured.

[ he smiles again and presses a soft kiss to her cheek. ]

I'd say you shouldn't but we've been talking about pizza so much I'm actually starting to have the weirdest withdrawal dreams.

[ or more like, he'd say she shouldn't but that it's also for her makes it easier to accept gracefully. ]

Nothing weird about that. Pizza is the best. And this has led me to learning to bake with a pony.

[Pause.]

I mean a pony is going to teach me to bake. I'm not baking ponies. Life is strange.

Tell me about it.

[ look the pony is one of his favorite people around here. life is very weird. ]

[There are two! But yeah, it's the pink one.] I don't really have a lot more to say. Pinkie Pie knows how to make the cheese if we get all the ingredients together and she offered to teach me baking. I figured that was something I had to see.

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