ᴀᴜᴅɪᴏ/ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ | too bad, so sad

[sylphystia]

Who: Dezel and you
Broadcast: Yes
Action: Crowley's bar or the Huntress, whichever you prefer.
When: Now

[audio]

[Someone is definitely growling. You'd think he was a dog, but then he seems to form words. Every consonant sounds like a knife against stone.]

I'm staying away from the planet for a while. If anyone needs me—

[He hesitates.]

—too bad. [And he hangs up.]


[action]

[Despite his grumpy broadcast, Dezel can be found in certain places. One of them is Crowley's bar. He's invisible, but that doesn't stop him from cleaning glasses and making tiny, pretentious food. If you can't see him, it's like some invisible Christmas elf keeps leaving tarts everywhere.

Alternatively, he can be seen (or not seen) sulking in the Huntress' cargo bay, sitting on some boxes beside a window. In his lap is a fuzzy happy little slug that he strokes with due diligence.]

[ooc: If you're meeting Dezel in person and haven't done so, please fill out his seraph permissions!]

Comments

[airily]

[ It's not as if Zaveid had ever intended to come out a victor either, he thinks; he had known that this wouldn't end in a success for himself or Dezel - it was only ever going to end in heartache and disappointment. It was only ever going to be pain, and suffering, and wearing down what was left of his strength, and now... Now he can't do anything but try and keep his head held up, trying and pretend that he's the strong one when all he wants to do is fall apart.

He doesn't want to let go of the hand in his, doesn't want to feel the leather slip away, but he knows he has to let it fall; he has to give in. He can't keep Dezel forever, can't force him to relearn what he's forgotten.

But then, oh, then, he speaks. I remember this - and the spark of hope bursts to life inside of him again, reigniting a fire that had burned low at the loss of Eizen. There's hope, then, for the future, for what might come here on the fleet, and Zaveid stares before he shakes his head. ]

I won't hold it against you, don't worry.

[sylphystia]

[He's not sure why he said that in the first place. It's pretty clear that Zaveid and Dezel knew each other before, but Dezel can't remember, and now that he knows that he feels obligated to... to smooth it over somehow. It's the truth, though. He can almost remember, but not quite, and he's not sure how to express this. He's never been good at social things.

Of course Zaveid won't hold it against him. He hasn't held any of it against him, even when Dezel screamed that he didn't know anything and tried to whip his head off. Even so, it's a small comfort. Dezel has been judged for so many things, mostly by himself, that he doesn't know how to put those worries aside.

He adjusts his gloves, still remembering the warmth and trying to ignore the nagging feeling that he is forgetting something. Yes, he knows. That's the whole point.]

... I remembered some things when I fought the girl, [he murmurs.] I remembered that it was my fault. [He doesn't dwell on this right now and he doesn't want to talk about it, so he moves on.] A lot of things are probably lost forever, but if it's really as important as you say, then it'll come back to me.

[airily]

[ There are, now, a thousand things Zaveid could say. He could make arguments that it wasn't Dezel's fault, that there must have been something else, but he doesn't actually know what happened - he wasn't there to understand the memories, he hadn't been there until after, when it was too late. He had failed, and he was paying the price for it now, standing before someone he recognised and being faced with the fact that he didn't exist in his world. It was hard, but, hey, he'd dealt with worse, right? He could tough this out.

There's just nothing he can say that will make this better. There's nothing he can do that can fix the broken bridge between the two of them, and he breathes out a heavy noise. This has gone better and worse than he had imagined, and he takes a step away, bending down to pick up his version of the hat and shove it back on his head - maybe he'd abandon it, in time, to let Dezel keep the memento. He's just not ready for that yet.

His body hurts. He's aching from the wind and the ground battering at him, and he knows he's going to be avoiding Sorey and Mikleo for a while until he's feeling better - but he's happier than he was. ]

Then they'll come back. It's my bad for trying to make it happen, I guess. [ He huffs, shaking his head, arms lifted. ] Sometimes you gotta stop yourself from getting carried away!

[sylphystia]

[Dezel is feeling it, too. He's probably going to take a day-long nap in the spartan room he has claimed for his own. Avoiding Sorey and Mikleo will be difficult, seeing as he's on the ship with them, but they're generally pretty good about giving him space. Sora, too... though Sora is probably the one who needs it the most.

He dusts the dirt off his own hat and dumps it back onto his head. Dezel looks like hell and he's sure someone will notice sooner or later-- not that he cares.]

All you did was give me a headache. [He says it dryly, but he is absolutely serious.] I've been trying to remember for a couple days. All I remember is why I stopped forcing myself.

[At least he still knows Lafarga's face, and when he stepped in to save Rose as a little girl. There's just one important person left.

He covers his hat with his hand.]

... I won't tell Sorey about this if you don't.

[Bargaining is the third stage of grief.]

[airily]

[ Zaveid is lucky that no one knows him on his ship, and he doubts anyone is going to come looking for him - if they can even see him, which is just as unlikely. He's going to be able to get holed up and hidden away without too much fuss and without worrying about someone bugging him about his wounds, which is a good thing. Dezel might not have the same luck, considering he's nesting with the Shepherd himself - yeah, he's heard all the gossip already.

He shakes his head all the same, crossing his arms behind his neck and trying to appear nonplussed, as if he doesn't care a lick about the fight they just had, battering each other and whipping one another with wind and artes and emotions. He does, of course, and it's going to sting for a while, but it's a step forward as much as anything else.

Listening, though, is easy, and he tilts his head, watching. ] You got off easy if it's just a headache.

[ But, aha. Zaveid's not an idiot, and he knows Sorey will find out one way or another - either Mikleo will find out and tell on them, or he'll check on them and dig the truth up. It's what he does.

So, instead of agreeing; ]

I'm not gonna lie to him.

[sylphystia]

[Yeah. Despite beating the snot out of each other, this is a step forward. It's better that they didn't get anyone else involved, too; Dezel is sure he would've acted differently if they had a witness.]

You think?

[It's a pretty bad headache, all things considered, but it does lessen when he stops trying to grasp what lies just out of his reach. But then again, maybe Zaveid has had experience with this kind of thing. He's older than he acts, something Dezel gleaned from Lailah and Edna's hints.

Zaveid has a point though. No one wants to lie to Sorey, especially when Dezel's tried so hard to get it through his head that his dying wasn't Sorey's fault. Straight up lying to his face won't fix anything. It'll only make both of them feel worse. Dezel understands that, too; for all his gruffness, he does try to be honest. His way of escaping is less about white lies and more about just not saying anything ever.

He lets out a little sigh.]

... Yeah. [Everyone's gonna be mad. Now that his emotions have boiled down some, he's not looking forward to Mikleo's stern lecture or Sorey's sad puppy eyes. God.] I'm not going to fight you anymore. That should be enough for them.

[airily]

[ They've done what they needed to do and, for now, that's what works. Sure, it ended up with Zaveid having his fair share of bumps and bruises, but who cares about that? He's a Seraph, he can walk it off - and it stops him from having to worry too much about getting himself into more trouble later on. Knowing his luck that's coming anyway. ]

You're not the only one that's gonna be nursing their wounds tonight.

[ His body is sore, and he's got a handful of scrapes and bruises up and down his back and, yeah, it's going to suck later, but right now? Zaveid is actually happy. He's content, and he can feel it brimming through his body. He and Dezel might have come to blows, but he'd gotten through in the end. He'd managed to keep himself - mostly - in check, and now there was a sparkle of hope.

Somewhere, Sorey would be proud of him.

Shoving his hands into the sides of his trousers, he shrugs an absent shoulder. ] No, I'm not planning on fighting you either. Once was enough for both of us - and more than enough for his Shepherdness.

[sylphystia]

[They're both going to catch hell for this. There's no doubt.]

... Yeah. [A pause. He adjusts his jacket, which is torn in places. It'll be all right. He can mend it on this planet, no problem.] Didn't think I could hit you. [That's... about as close to an apology as he'll give. He doesn't want to say sorry for something they both desperately needed, but Zaveid probably didn't deserve to get hit as hard as he did.

-- Nah, he totally deserved it.

Dezel is aware of Zaveid's happiness, but he can't bring himself to feel it. He has a lot to think about. A lot to work on. There's some relief that they won't have to scratch and bite at each other for space anymore, but he still can't shake this bad feeling. He tucks the brim of his hat down lower and turns away.]

I'd better head back.

[airily]

[ All he can think is that it's a good thing the ladies aren't here. ]

You're stronger than you think you are, Dezel. [ Neither of them are going to apologise for something they both needed to get out of their systems, and while it isn't easy - well. It was necessary. It had to happen, otherwise they'd lose themselves somehow and end up taking Sorey down with them, and he didn't deserve that.

Zaveid might, but Sorey didn't.

Pulling himself together, Zaveid nods his head before he shifts, turning his gaze back over towards where the fleet has landed, trying to appear a little more carefree than he actually is. ]

I'll see you around.