driftfleet | (no subject)

There were four people involved in breaking every fucking bone in my body: York, North, Malcolm, and Carolina. I was friends with all of them after I got out of the hospital.

And my best friend in the world up till then was my doctor. Whiskey. He was friends with most of them too, after.

So maybe you're right. But I hope your friends can manage to be fucking adults.

[Wrath, this is the Avengers we're talking about. The veritable kings of hurfdurf. He seems to shrink in on himself, impressive for someone as tall as he is--and for as confident as he's usually presented himself.]

I can't make any assumptions about it, Wrath. Most of them won't even speak to me any longer.

That sucks.

Shit happens under fire, sir. Squad mates don't desert each other just because shit happens.

Sounds like you need better friends.

[Is agreeing with that betraying the last year of his life, though? But he'd already apologized to the person who'd meant the most to him, and Wanda at least had returned with an apology of her own. Things are better between the two of them, and that helps to think about.]

Please understand I have no quarrel with anyone on the Windrose, and I do believe it would be different if the incident had happened here. You're here on my ship by choice, and could leave to join another at any time. With the Avengers there were no other groups of extraordinary individuals; we were stuck with only each other.

So what? Do you think I hand picked everyone I ever served with? [Or go ahead, and tell her that doesn't count because it was a bunch of infantry grunts who were definitely not extraordinary. Maybe that makes a difference.]

[She shakes her head.] If your group didn't mesh right and people are being dicks, that's not your fault. Fucking up? Sure, that's worth feeling bad about. But feeling bad also doesn't fix anything. All you can do is keep moving forward and do better next time.

Your squad being dicks to you also doesn't fix anything either.

No, of course not. But they were the only ones I had ever thought of as friends. now I don't even have that to fall back on.

Then perhaps you see why I didn't wish to talk of it. As you say, it does no good. What is the use in bothering?

You're here now. Starting over like that sucks, but you're strong enough to do it. [She's had to do it too, man. It sucked. She did it anyway.]

Feeling bad doesn't help anything. Feeling bad about it isn't the same as talking it out and try to figure things out with someone. [She shrugs.] But you don't have to talk to me. I'm just your first officer. I'd be your friend, too, but that's your choice.

I do consider you my friend, Wrath. But I truly do not wish to speak of it any further. If that's a reflection on anyone it is on me, and not your suitability for the task.

Nah. I'm shit at this stuff. [She's not offended. And she really does believe she's terrible at it. This is certainly proof, since she hasn't managed to talk any sense into her captain.] Guess it's not really my business if it's not making you less effective anyway.

[He visibly relaxes when she says she won't push him. While he recognizes he still has plenty of issues to work through, it would be best if he could actually talk to a professional about it.]

As I said, I don't believe it should affect my performance here. The incident involved an ability I don't use on the ship at all, as it could possibly cause a hull breach.

That's not the part I'd be concerned about.

[He winces a little.]

And what would that be, then?

When people fuck up in combat, they start second-guessing themselves. They hesitate. I've been through it too, and it only makes it worse.

[Ah, yes. That.

He hesitates long enough that it's telling.]

That's not likely to fade any time soon, I'm afraid. I've no issue with my defensive abilities, however, and that should suffice for the time being.

[Yuuuup.]

You're probably right. I just don't take that stuff for granted.

[Hello paranoia, my old friend. Few people realize how deeply paranoid she is, probably because she smiles all the time. She stands.]

I hope you do talk to someone who doesn't have a hovercycle in this race, and listen hard to what they say back to you.

[That's good advice, and he nods.]

Perhaps that's it. I feel as though there are no unbiased spectators that I'd burden with the story here.

[And it's too raw within him to feel comfortable with just yet.]

Thank you.

[She starts turning away, then pauses.] On thing. It's important.

When you tell a friend something, it's not a burden. It's a gift of trust. Remember that.

[Maybe he really doesn't have any friends, then, because he can't imagine that it would be anything but a burden.

And now Wrath thinks he doesn't trust her. Nice job, Vision.]

As you say.

[She snorts.]

Which is captain talk for "I am too busy wallowing in hurfdurf to believe you, but I'll superficially agree so you'll stop bugging me."

[~~She's not wrong.~~]

If you're truly that desperate to know the many ways in which I have failed, by all means, go ask the other Avengers.

Wrong. I don't give a shit about them. I just don't like watching my captain beat himself up.

[She's right - the ship deserves better than to have him in charge. He scrubs at one of his temples, reconsidering for a long moment his resolution not to abdicate.]

We must be held responsible for our actions by someone.

If we're going down that road, there's a lot of us ahead of you in line.

[His expression returns to a careful neutral and he shrugs noncommittally.]

Nevertheless, it is how I feel.

The thing you don't seem to get is that you're like the rest of us, sir. And that's okay.

I'll be on the bridge.

(no subject)

unbearablynaive - 2016-08-31 04:25 (UTC) - Expand