driftfleet | Twelfth Gate [Video]

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Twelfth Gate [Video]

Who: Jennifer Keller and you
Broadcast: Flootwide
Action: Wonderduck, if despired
When: NOW

[When Jennifer opens the feed, a very canine whine can be heard in the background, and Jennifer reaches back to soothe Naga and offer her a squeaky Flootemon toy that looks suspiciously like Beartic before speaking.]

So, uhm, does anyone know how to take care of a polar bear dog? Korra's in cryosleep, and I think Naga's feeling upset and restless without her. I've never had so much as a normal puppy before, so I don't know the first thing about dog care, much less... polar bear dog care. Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

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Oh. We still have some dinosaur left over.

Oh, that's good- it's a good start. I'll cook some up and see if she takes it. Luckily she's not very big yet, so we won't have trouble filling her stomach.

Yeah, though if she actually gets polar bear sized, I dunno where we're gonna put her. Seems like she's chiller than Newt, at least.

I was about to say "I doubt Atroma would do that", but that's just asking for trouble. Either she'll get big, or at least one of us will augment glitch and get small enough to ride her.

Welp. If we weren't fucked before, we're fucked now. Hate to say it—and maybe kinda relieved—but you and Korra are probably the top picks for victim of the week.

What can I say? Trouble tends to find me even when I go to great lengths to avoid it.

Yeah, and you've got bonus connection points to the dogbear. It's like the perfect maelstrom of impending misfortune. We better stock up on more chew-toys.

Maybe the sponsors will be nice and give me a crate.

They just better not stock any bird-shaped ones. I got enough problems with Newt slobbering over my feathers. He doesn't need the encouragement and Naga doesn't need the bad habit.

If we do, I'll just hide them or give them away- because you've got a pretty salient point, actually.

I do? I mean—hell yeah, I do. Hopefully that doesn't encourage anyone to send a bird-only crate, 'cause that sounds about the right level of sadism for reality TV.

Well, I mean, they DID send me the cheese crate after I happened to mention I was from Wisconsin.

Cheese is way more awesome than birds, though.

[He sounds totally serious.]

Think of all the pizza possibilities it's got looming on the horizon. Compared to that, what have birds got going for them? We just shit on things sometimes.

I didn't get any actual cheese, though, mind- just stuff that smelled like it.

Besides, birds can fly. I'm envious of that.

That's cruel and unusual. I'd have figured they'd at least leave you a wedge. Maybe a tiny wheel.

But ok, I gotta give you that one. Flying is pretty cool. Kinda limited a lot of the time in space, but still cool.

Nope, not even a packet of cheese slices. It was a big disappointment.

Yeah, that's true. Kinda hard to get into the air when you're in the confines of the ship.

Think that calls for a strongly worded letter, to be honest. But yeah, I get like a couple feet off the ground before I risk hitting the ceiling like an overaspiring whack-a-mole.

Oh, believe me, I've had choice words for Atroma before. The complaints go unanswered, as always.

[She then snorted.]

Sorry, that's just... that's a heck of a mental image.

Well, it's true. I'd be like a feathery spaceball that got dribbled turnways. Isaac would probably get his head stuck in the ceiling first, though. Somehow.

See, I could never leave this ship behind because of that. I wouldn't want you all hurting yourselves and not be there to help.

You're the hero the Wonderduck deserves. And also probably needs, 'cause it's arguable how much the rest of us know about first aid. Maybe I learned wrong my whole life.

I could teach you if you want. Although... I'm not well-versed in bird anatomy. It'd help with the parts of you that are humanoid, though.

Uh.

[Give him a few seconds to actually think that over.]

...Ok. [It's tentative.] Why not. I kind of know some stuff already, but more can't hurt. Don't think it's a thing I'm ever gonna be good at, though.