Don’t care if he’s guilty, don’t care if he’s not

[wolfehawke]

Who: Adalwolfe Hawke and you
Broadcast: Yes
Action: Yes (Three Twins med bay)
When: Now


[Video]

[Some may know and some may not, but even with the little communications crisis going on right now, Adalwolfe is not on the ship he's assigned to. Currently, he's been haunting the medical bay of the Three Twins instead, which is what's vaguely in the background of the video as it winks into broadcast.]

Hey everyone, Hawke here. The male one, obviously.

[He takes an awkward breath, looking a little dark and strained around the eyes, mostly from lack of sleep.]

I know there are other things going on, and these comas are perhaps old hat to some of you especially with how frequently they've been going around right now, but is it... is it normal to age so quickly in one of these mysterious comas?

[He rolls his chair out of the way of the device he has sitting on the counter, giving a side view of Anders laying prone in one of the hospital style cots, eyes closed and Ser Pounce-a-lot the orange tabby curled on his chest with no intention of moving. Anders has grown far more gaunt than when he was up and around last week, and has more than his carefully groomed five-o-clock shadow in stubble about the chin. The beard would be worse if Adalwolfe hadn't taken the time to carefully shave his fellow mage, but he's not about to announce that on the network.]

I hope it is. Otherwise I'm worried he'll waste away like this.

[Adalwolfe rolls back into view, blocking all but the swishing of Ser Pounce's tail.]

Also, to the First Breath crew, I'm sorry I'm not there to take care of the device. I'll be back--

[A glance back at Anders and Hawke shakes his head.]

I'll be back when I'm back. Until then, help yourselves to the bread and things I have stored in the galley from the last planet as an apology. There should be enough to last weeks. Just leave enough of the frozen meat to last Ser Drools until the next planet.

[With an uncharacteristically grim expression, Hawke pauses, then decides he's said his piece until someone answers, and shuts off the feed rather abruptly.]



[Action]

After shutting off the feed, Hawke leans back in his chair, flopping his forearm over his eyes for a moment as if that will somehow block out his worry. He's not sure what he's more anxious over - the thought that Anders won't wake up by himself and he'll have to try and desperately wake him in a panic before he turns to nothing but a husk, or the thought that Anders will wake up with memories of his future, memories of Kirkwall, and Adalwolfe won't be in them. It's a distinct possibility, either way. They both remember Riona, which bodes well, but so does Leliana and yet Leliana doesn't know him at all, which puts him back to square one on what to expect.

Ser Drools whines from under the console at Hawke's feet, responding to his master's turmoil. Or responding to his own turmoil at not being able to get close to Anders' bed for the cat keeping stalwart vigil on Blondie's chest.

Hawke lowers his arm and leans down to pet his dog instead, trying to stop moping and fretting for Ser Drools' sake as much as his own. He's just resolving to do that when the door opens and Adalwolfe's attention spins to that, hand poised over his puppy to see who's come in and for what.

"If you need medical attention, I'm afraid the doctor is out just now."

Comments

[wolfehawke]

I said I would get Doctor Keller.

[He smiles appreciatively, trying to take the edge off of his words as he knows she's probably frustrated with the augment issues. He can sort of relate.]

She was a Doctor even before coming here to the Fleet. I think it's best to leave things like that in her hands.

[Anders wouldn't like getting stuck with needles in the first place. Like fun is he going to let someone who couldn't remember what the thing was called set it up.]

[hearsthesea]

Oh. Right.

[The smile helps, honestly. Shirley is frustrated, and a little embarrassed while she's at it.]

I'm sorry. I wanted to do something, but it is better to leave this to an expert.

[wolfehawke]

You're doing something by being here, it's alright.

[He tries to be reassuring despite feeling like the one who needs it. He'd rather help her feel better than dwell on himself, though.]

I'm sure he'll be grateful that you came to check on him. He's always touched when people show him anything more than indifference.

[Hawke's smile turns a bit fond at that, knowing it comes from a dark place but still finding it endearing in Anders just how surprised he always is when people actually show they care about him instead of just need him to do something.]

[hearsthesea]

Is that so? That sounds...hard.

[Shirley can sympathize, even if not many people are indifferent about her back home.]

I'll have to stop by more. I mean, I was going to check on him as long as he's asleep! But I don't want him to feel like he was alone.

[wolfehawke]

He won't be. I mean, he isn't.

[Hawke hasn't left the Three Twins med bay since he discovered Anders' condition and he's not planning on leaving until the man wakes up.]

But if you want to come by when you have time, I'm sure he wouldn't mind.

[Moreover, neither would Adalwolfe. He feels guilty for it, but sitting around watching little change and worrying incessantly isn't just a call for a distraction, but Adalwolfe gets a little bored. He can't admit it, shamed by the feeling, but hours upon hours of just... nothing...

It's not just Anders that would be glad for the company.]

[hearsthesea]

Of course. I've done this before, with other crewmates who went through the same thing, and...it's still hard, to be honest. Just waiting, and hoping. But it's good to know you're not alone, so I'd like to come by again.

[She remembers Cullen and Elize, and how you couldn't get Cullen to leave Elize's side for a moment when she'd been asleep. She assumes Hawke and Anders are something like the same.]

[wolfehawke]

[Adalwolfe chuckles at that.]

Are you saying that for his benefit or for mine?

[Even if he was suggesting Shirley visit a bit for himself, she's Anders' friend. He has no illusion that he's the reason she's here at all. Anders has that effect, really, most people gravitating to him because they have a sense of his kindness. It's why Adalwolfe had too, that fierce determination to keep all under his protection safe from any harm. Hawke was gone the second the met the man.

But this Anders, when he wakes up, might not know Adalwolfe from anyone else in the Fleet. It drags the grin slowly from his face, weary lines a bit more pronounced as that permeating thought poisons everything else again.]

[hearsthesea]

[Shirley doesn't know exactly why Hawke loses his smile, but she's sure he needs some reassurance too - even if she can only give him so much and be able to back it up.]

I came here for Anders, but if you're going to be here for a while...I've known people who do that, too. Have you eaten recently? One of my old crewmates barely did, when he was in your position.

[wolfehawke]

I've been eating.

[He sounds vague and non-committal. It's not a lie, he has been eating, but not recently and not a whole lot. Every time he tries his stomach is just so jumpy he can't get down more than a few bites before starting to feel somewhat ill and deciding to just... not.]

I'm more worried about him than myself.

[hearsthesea]

And what will Anders say if he wakes up and see you haven't been taking care of yourself? I'm sure he'd be worried about you.

[It's not an accusation, but she is concerned. Senel used to be the same way when it came to her.]

[wolfehawke]

[Hawke purses his lips, forced to concede he has a point. What he really needs is sleep; he has been eating and drinking, usually water though alcohol has certainly played a part as well. Not nearly enough to get drunk, just comfortably numb for a little while. No, what his problem is is that he can't make himself go to bed, and if he does happen to drop off, it's never for more than twenty minutes. The cat naps are likely what's keeping him sane and not seeing things, but he certainly doesn't feel rested. Nor does he look it.

But he can't ask anyone else to sit in vigil for him while he conks out for awhile. He doesn't know or trust anyone here quite that much. He makes a joke out of it instead.]

That's playing dirty you know, trying to pluck at my heartstrings.

[hearsthesea]

Well, has it been effective?

[Translation: no regrets. Shirley will back off if he asks, but otherwise she isn't going to let things go without trying.]

[wolfehawke]

[He mulls it over a moment, making a show of it, but even as he had no intention of acquiescing before, his very tired mind gnaws at him that he should feel guilty, that Anders would look disapprovingly at him over it no matter how hypocritical that would make the spirit healer for all the sleep he never got in Kirkwall - something that had worried Adalwolfe something fierce - and he's forced to concede Shirley's point.]

Yes. I'll make a better attempt at sleep, at least. I suppose there's other cots in here.

[He's still not leaving, but its an improvement over dropping off for only short spans of time in the console chair.]

[hearsthesea]

Good. Do you need anything to eat? I can go get something, if you need it.

[Just to make sure he'll be okay.]

[wolfehawke]

I'll be alright, I swear. No need to mother me.

[He reaches down next to his chair and picks up a box of cheese crackers from the floor.]

See? I have food.

[hearsthesea]

[Just. Have this unimpressed look, Hawke.]

Never mind. I'll cook something.

[wolfehawke]

You really don't have to-

[His stomach growls traiterously in protest. A man cannot subsist on Cheeze-its alone.

Adalwolfe rubs his forehead.]

Well I guess, so long as it's not too much trouble...

[hearsthesea]

It's not, really.

[Easier to just make him food.]

I'll be back in a little while, all right?

[wolfehawke]

Alright. Thank you.

[He collapses himself into a console chair, too tired to argue. It's not even the sleepy sort of tired, just the bone-weary feeling that comes with helplessness. He barely resists the urge to apologize.]

[hearsthesea]

[Shirley goes off to the kitchen, and after a while she comes back with some warmed protein solids and a few pieces of homemade bread. She makes plenty of it, so no use sparing Hawke the good stuff.]

Here, have some of this.

[wolfehawke]

[The protein solids he could give or take but the bread makes his eyes light up just a bit and he takes the entire tray gratefully.]

Thank you. Are you hungry? We could share. It's awkward being the only one eating.

[hearsthesea]

I could take a little bit.

[She isn't really hungry, but if it helps him feel better there's no reason not to either.]

[wolfehawke]

[Wordlessly he holds the tray out for her to take some, taking some of this bread of his own to munch on in the meantime.]

You're a kind person, has anyone ever told you that? Pushy, but kind.

[hearsthesea]

[Shirley takes a piece of bread for herself, but doesn't bite into it yet. She's taking a second to mull over that comment, and then she smiles.]

That's the kind of person I want to be.

[wolfehawke]

[He snorts in amusement, he can't help it. It was such a stupid pun and he's not even sure she knows she made it.]

The kind of person, huh?