driftfleet | A Wild Mingle Appears

[She gets up, flipping the light on and then moves back to him, phasing the blanket around him free before settling down next to him and gently recovering them with it. She blinks because the light feels really strong and sudden after being asleep, but she just wants him to feel safe.] I'm here. Everything's okay. [She softly brushes back his hair.]

[ for a moment he's blinded, but the second his eyes start adjusting to the light, they're trying to see everywhere. it's a small room, not a lot of hiding places, but still he leaves nothing to chance, looking under the bed and not caring how it's making him look.

that dream was too real. when he's finally convinced there really isn't anyone in the room with him but kitty, he leans his head back against the wall and shuts his eyes, fighting against the tears burning in them, pounding on his eyelids in an attempt to escape, and sucks in shaking breaths.

once again, nothing feels okay. ]

[She moves in by him carefully, not wanting him to feel attacked or crushed like before with Sascha, but comforted. She does her best to hold him without making it feel restraining.] I know it's hard to believe right now, but it gets better.

[ somewhere, his mind remembers why things have been tense with kitty, why she hasn't held him yet, why he spent a whole day feeling completely alone with his feelings, feeling like he might at any moment slip into madness because nothing seemed to work the way it should anymore. but the wiring to that place seems to have suffered a outage. exhausted and vulnerable as he is, he's reduced to his most base emotions and all those emotions want is to be held by kitty, allow her to do what she does best - save him, protect him. he needs it. he's helpless.

he leans into her touch, sniffling, still fighting against the flood of tears threatening to breach his eyelids at any second. what's left of his pride won't stand for it. ]

[She knows there are things to work out and say, but she just wants him to know she's here for him and she loves him and she'd die to keep him safe. Not that she wouldn't rather live while doing it because they have a lot of life left to live together. Her hold tightens when he feels responsive to it.] You're safe. You're safe. [Saying it for herself as much as him. She almost lost him again and she wasn't even there.]

[ he doesn't want her to die for him, that's a horrifying thought. he doesn't want to die, but he doesn't want her to die, either. can't everyone just stop it with bringing death into his life at every turn? it wasn't that long ago when the most dangerous thing in his life was pissing off his boss. how did he get here, to running away from another dimension's mythical monsters?

her words feel like taunting. he's safe? how can she say that? the atroma could target her next, and she could kill him in his sleep for all they know. nobody's safe, there is no safe while they're here.

for a change, he's grateful for the small dimensions of his room. it means he only needs to get up and stretch a little to get to his stash in his closet. sitting back down with a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of gin he procured for hank - he takes a long sip straight out of the bottle, and wordlessly offers her her pick.

he doesn't feel like crying anymore. he doesn't feel like feeling. ]

I came close before. [ to dying. ] But it was never like that. [ he never completely lost hope before. ]

[She says it because she desperately wants it to be true and at least in this moment it is. No attackers. No injuries too serious. Just them in a room.

She's surprised when he gets up, not expecting the alcohol to emerge. She just shakes her head when he offers. She feels like it's important to stay sharp right now. She doesn't want something to happen and not feel fully able to control her powers.]

What was it like? [She feels like he needs to talk about it so it doesn't stay locked up inside.]

[ he shrugs and just takes another swig himself. he started stashing it after she told him she had died and he didn't have anything to wallow with. he only opened it the first time with hank, after waking up from his coma.

this feels like a justified cause for a second round. ]

I was sure I was done.

[ not a glimpse of hope left, his final seconds, he thought, he was going to spend in complete terror, being eaten alive by someone he trusted - someone he loved, far away from anyone who could or would help him. would anyone have even known what happened? or would they just think he was sent home?

he sighs. he has no right to talk to kitty about this. she did die, he had a scare and bumped his head. ]

[A tear slides down her cheek at his words, honestly surprising her. She wipes it away.]

I'm so sorry I wasn't there. That I let this happen.

[ it brings one of last night's arguments right back into his head. ]

Why didn't you tell me?

It was late by the time we were together and I was still trying to process it. I was going to in the morning. [Shaky breath. She hates that she didn't do it immediately now.] He didn't feel like a threat.

[ if he weren't exhausted, and terrified, and angry at so many different things - he would've understood it, this would be it. but he is all those things, and he can't understand it. ]

He's my friend too. You should've told me.

[ everything feels like a threat when you're the one powerless untrained useless human being in a fleet for of superpowers. ]

[And if she wasn't so busy beating herself up for things that aren't anyone's fault she probably wouldn't let him.]

He tried to kiss me.

[ he just stares at her in disbelief. how could this keep getting worse and worse? how is that even possible at this point? ]

Oh I take it back, no reason to tell me at all.

Winn... [Voice small.] I wasn't keeping it from you. [It doesn't even occur to him to say she didn't let him kiss her. Of course she didn't.]

No. You were gonna tell me in the morning.

[ it's not an unreasonable need, time. didn't he get upset with her, for not giving him time? but exhaustion and depression are fertile breeding grounds for hypocrisy. ]

What happened. [ he recounted his night for her, much as it was the last thing he wanted to do that night. then why is he still in the dark, picking up a piece here, a piece there? ]

[The way he says it makes her feel like he's mocking her words. He leaves frequently, but to the Iskaulit?

But no, she still hadn't told him because they had a fight and they were busy and he hasn't asked.] I saw him and thought it was Sascha and I think he tried to be that for me a little. I could tell something was off, but it's Sascha. Something is always off. I wanted him to talk to me about it, so we went to the library and he explained who he was and we talked about his past and the Sheol and he told me how important I am to Sascha and I asked if he was in love with me and he didn't really answer and then he was leaning in to kiss me.

[ despite all his anger, a protective instinct takes over when he hears her tell it, and he seeks out her hand, his voice softening.

it's a terrible and painful betrayal, but not on kitty's part. it would be hard to say. say the shoe had been on the other foot, say it was margaery who had changed and tried to kiss him. it would be hard to process, and it would be hard to tell her, because of the way it would color their relationship.

he told the sheol he didn't hate him. but now...now he's not sure that's true anymore. is that crazy? ]

And you left?

Yeah. [~~The thread isn't over but she's not still there so it's a safe assumption she at least eventually left!~~ She's glad for the softer tone because she wasn't sure if telling him would make things better or worse at this point. She curls in closer to him—tired and worried about him and worried about them and worried about Sascha too.] I kept reminding him I was with you. Do you think that's why... [Her voice trails off as it breaks. Is she why he was attacked?]

[ that hadn't even occurred to him. with all his raging paranoia, his brain couldn't take the leap to connect between he tried to kiss my girlfriend and he tried to kill me. ]

Why'd he let me go, then?

[ it's not a bad plan - eating his body would guarantee he'd be gone without a trace, and kitty would be crushed, vulnerable.

he feels sick to his stomach, and his heart starts to race again. ]

[She nods, taking that as logic for why she's wrong and she desperately wants to be wrong. She doesn't want to think any version of Sascha would have done that. It was instinct and hunger, right?] You're right. He wouldn't have if that was the plan. [She clings tighter.]

Unless he changed his mind...

[ but why? he didn't seem interested in convoluted conspiracies, but how can they be sure? if he's just a superb actor, then they could never trust him, no matter what happens, no matter what they do. but he just didn't feel that way to winn, and now his brain is a jumble, nothing connects, nothing fits, nothing makes sense... ]

I talked to him.

He cares about you. [But he was still willing to try to kiss his girlfriend. Things would probably seem a lot clearer on a full night's sleep.]

That's what he said.

[ and he believed him because why wouldn't he? his actions certainly seemed to prove it - he attacked himself to give him those precious few seconds to make it to safety. it could be that the two things - liking winn and wanting kitty - just don't connect for him, in which case winn really was just an opportunistic hunt...

he shakes his head. ]

It was the Iskaulit in the middle of the night. If he wanted to get rid of me, that wasn't exactly a safe bet, it's the first time I went further than Kara's office or Margaery's lab in the middle of the night.

Why did you go? [She's been wanting to know since she woke up and heard from him, but she didn't want him to feel like she was blaming him for getting hurt. But it did make her wonder if he was doing that often or if he'd go to other ships even. She's relieved to hear there isn't a ton she doesn't know about him at least.]

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