⚛ 02: why this edition; video

[beathach]

Who: Hank and you!
Broadcast: fleetwide
Action: The Blameless
When: now!

[when the feed flips on, it focuses on a crate on the smaller side, but clearly yet another sponsor drop. Only this time, it appears to be full of brushes, of all shapes and colors and sizes. There's also a note attached on top:

"Because normal brushes are just infuriating. Keep that blue fur shiny with these purrfect alternatives!"

there's a heavy sigh from behind the camera and a mutter, just audible enough to be picked up by the microphone]

Someone thinks they're being funny.

[another sigh, and the camera turns around, focusing on a woman's face. Reluctantly, it seems, because she looks incredibly awkward and uncomfortable]

Anyway - I know some people have pets on the fleet, so if you'd like a brush for their fur, feel free to come over to the Blameless and pick one up. I certainly won't be keeping them.

[she goes to turn the feed off, then pauses]

Also, Winn? This is your fault. Get over here so I can blame you properly.

[and with that, the feed disconnects]

Comments

Video

[beathach]

[a little dryly]

Thanks, I think. Hello, Loki - want a brush?

Video

[complicatedliar]

Only if the bristles are sufficiently stiff for hair as willful as mine.

At least you've a view of how temporary such things are.

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[beathach]

That's something you might have to test. I'm not the best judge.

[he makes a face] I already knew that much, the personal experience wasn't necessary.

Video

[complicatedliar]

I suppose I could pay a visit to see.

[He laughs.] But now you have an opportunity it would be sad to waste.

Video

[beathach]

You're welcome to if you want.

An opportunity. I suppose I could look at it positively.

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[complicatedliar]

[He grins whitely.] Any ladies you might take as lovers shall surely thank you for it later.

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[beathach]

[of all the people he expected to hear that from Loki was nowhere on that list.

He sputters, turning bright red]

That isn't - that isn't what I was thinking at all.

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[complicatedliar]

Then I shall also later accept your thanks that I drew your attention to it.

The female body is a delicate instrument, Hank. I suggest you learn to play it well whilst you have the opportunity for close study.

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[beathach]

[loKI WHAT ARE YOU DOING.

The screen goes shaky as he loses his grip on the communicator and fumbles not to drop it]

That—! I'm not going to do anything like that, because I'm not - [sdjfklsd] I'm familiar enough with the female form, thank you.

Get over here and get your damn brush.

[so he can CHUCK IT AT YOUR HEAD]

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[complicatedliar]

Really, Hank. Is that so? I wager I could show you a trick or two, but alas, my lady would object. [He punctuates the statement with a flick of his tongue.]

What a tragedy it will be, that you might let a chance for such invaluable first-hand experience go because humans are inveterate sticks in the mud.

Video

[beathach]

[nevermind, he isn't going to chuck the brush.

He's going to beat Loki with it instead]

My lady would object too. [it comes out weakly and quickly and oh god why is this a conversation he's having]

And - yes, well, I like being a stick in the mud. You're insulting the wrong person with that particular phrase.

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[complicatedliar]

Perhaps I ought talk to your lady. Is she a sensible sort?

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[beathach]

[...............]

Yes, she is. And I'm fairly sure you don't want to talk to her about this. At all.

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[complicatedliar]

Care to make that a wager?

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[beathach]

Absolutely not.

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[complicatedliar]

Coward.

1/3?? idk my bff incoming girlfriend

[beathach]

[....................................................

Oh that's it]

Fine. You want to talk to her? Hold on.

[beathach]

[he sure is handing his device to his lady.

And commenting LOUD ENOUGH FOR LOKI TO HEAR]

This asshole wants to talk to my lady.

[athru]

[ Quiet, at first, because, hey, background. ]

Your lady?

[ Oooh, boy, here we go. She takes Hank's device, frowning straight away. ]

Who's the asshole, then?

[complicatedliar]

[Oh, but this is fun.

He tilts his head in something that gives the impression of a genteel bow.]

Loki, son of Frigga. I don't believe we've met.

[athru]

No. We haven't.

[ And she's not currently impressed, either. Someone that's irritated Hank this much probably isn't going to be her new BFF. ]

What do you want?

[complicatedliar]

[He props his chin in his hand. Oh well. He'll find out a name later. He has ways.]

Merely giving Hank a bit of advice. I spent a bit of time as a woman and the experience did wonders for my technique as a lover later on. I think I've rather shocked him.

[athru]

[ ... No wonder Hank gave her the phone. ]

Maybe. But there's no need - Hank's technique is already amazing, thank you.

[complicatedliar]

With all due respect, lady, there is no such thing as perfection. One never stops learning. [His lips twitch.] I would ask my own lady for a testimonial to the fact, but she might fling a shoe at my head.

[athru]

So you decide to risk getting something worse thrown at you by me?

[ He might smile and act sweet, but Raven's having none of it. ]

What we do together is none of your business, so I'd go back to working on your 'technique' with your lady before something bad happens.

[ She turns to Hank to say, quietly, I didn't know hands could talk, you know... ]