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(no subject)

Who: Caster, everyone, and one unfortunate victim.
Broadcast: Text! Anonymous text. She's so sneaky.
Action: On the Vanquish!
When: Backdated to yesterday, the 19th!

[Bright and early in the morning, there's an anonymous text post flagged as urgent to the network. Does the network even have urgent flags? It apparently does now. Magic is great.]

ATTENTION, FLEET:
Today is the birthday of an incredibly amazing and talented person! The Vanquish's very own Hermione Granger!
It seems like she's keeping it secret, because she's humble along with everything else, but that won't do at all! People of importance have to be recognized!
So, be sure to shower her plenty of love and praise today, and also gifts! Birthday presents are important too!
All celebrators are to come to the Vanquish immediately!
This is how birthdays work, right?

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[ He shrugs, nonchalant. ]

Why not? It might be easier to express that way.

[ He's nonchalant, but Hermione is cautious, watching him before she softens. Nodding her head, she closes her eyes and tries to smile. ]

It is easier - I know that from experience. As long as you tell me to stop if it gets too much?

[ He nods. ]

I promise.

[ She's still hesitant, but that's not because she doesn't trust Charles - it's because she doesn't want to place this on his shoulders. It doesn't feel right, no matter how many times he offers, how many versions of him she comes to care about.

But she does. She opens her mind and relaxes, just like she did so many times in the Drabwurld, and she just breathes.

What's pressing at the forefront of her mind is what she learned from Katsa, about Gilgamesh. Gilgamesh, who had tried to murder her best friend, who had called her a queen, a word Hermione had thought was meant for her, Gilgamesh who she had trusted so much and she now realises was likely laughing behind her back. Using her. Manipulating her for his own ends. Saying the right things to her, the perfect things, to make her do what she wanted, like a puppet.

It's enough to make her question her other friendships, or at least the ones she knew were touched by Gilgamesh himself. Did Dorian want other things from her as well? Did Flora? Gawain? Diarmuid she knew didn't, but that was only because they had been connected, mind to mind, spirit to spirit.

Under all of that, though, is something she can't escape from. Even with Katsa here, even with a friend close, there's a bone-deep, exhausting loneliness that she can't run away from. The only thing she can do is let it settle inside of her like some kind of sickness, sapping her energy even as she tries to be happy. She's so used to being around friends and family that being here and being alone... It's hurting her, and she doesn't know how to voice it. ]

[ Don't question everything in the past, he replies, otherwise you'll end up doubting everything you ever cared for. It's a dangerous path, one he's familiar with and he can empathize with that feeling. Only you should decide what matters and what doesn't. No one else should change that for you.

Loneliness, though. He can't take that away. There's no cure for that kind of feeling, only substitutes.

You need to find a purpose. I think that would help. ]

[ You make it sound so easy, Charles. Hermione doesn't mean to dwell and most of the time she's good at it - ignoring things and working hard to fight onwards has always been a strong point of hers, especially in the Drabwurld where disasters and curses kept happening, time and time again. But there are some things you can't help but think about. Things like that... It won't go away, no matter how hard I try.

Mostly because it haunts her, a set of red marks on her hand, the knowledge of being a Master, of what it means, how close she came to being bound to Gilgamesh for her entire life, not knowing the truth that was right in front of her nose.

Pursing her lips, she turns her gaze back to him and offers a small smile.

I don't suppose supplying every single ship with a lifetime supply of potions counts, does it? ]

[ There's a silence that descends on her reply, as if he's holding himself back before it eases into the comfortable connection they have forged. It's raw, evoking, but still real in the way they trust. Tentative, guiding trust.

I have to, he says, I have to make it sound easy.

Erik and Charles were in love. Then they woke up one day and everything changed. Everything was gone. And Charles finds himself looking back wondering what happened, what had he done, what went wrong when he remembers doing it right for the first time in years.

There are no answers for that kind of feeling.

Probably not. But besides going home, what would you like to do? What do you think could make you feel like yourself? ]

[ She's completely open to Charles, and it's strange but she can almost feel when the connection comes back to her, how her heart bursts inside of her. It's trust, the kind she had almost forgotten, and it's always been there with Charles - time and distance hadn't stopped that. She doesn't think anything will, and perhaps that's overwhelming, but... She can't change herself.

Charles... There's no way for her not to move closer, and she shifts, wanting to wrap herself around him. She always does when they're open and sharing with each other like this, and she thinks she understands. Maybe Charles empathises with her in ways that are borne of more than just being in her mind.

She doesn't know how to ask, and so she breathes out, reaching for his hand, wanting to touch, wanting to feel connected. It's a physical reminder of her trust in him, and her eyes close as she lets herself feel it.

I don't think I can pass my NEWTs here, or fight in a war... Any war. I don't know if I can be the person I was before, and I can't be the Marchioness here either. I feel as though I'm stuck between two places waiting to see what happens to me. It sounds silly, doesn't it? ]

[ Charles rests his hand on top of hers, knuckles brushing against his fingers. He's not unhappy and he's cognizant of that fact. Perhaps he's not happy because there is a void where something precious used to be and there's no solution. But his heart can hold so much more than that. It can carry a world.

He squeezes her fingers, continuing. You don't have to go back to before or after. How about the middle? What would you like to be on the Fleet? A guide? A learner? Someone who can offer something back or someone who needs to rediscover? ]

[ Maybe that's something that binds her and Charles together; they both want, at the end of the day, for the people around them to be happy. Hermione's happiness has depended on others for so long that now she's alone she's not entirely sure how to cope with it. Rebuilding her life when she feels a little empty and lost isn't as easy as it had been when she had first started in the Drabwurld.

Charles anchors her, and she takes a deep breath.

A guide, I suppose. Someone who can teach, who can - help other people. That's all I ever wanted to do, at home and in the Drabwurld. I wanted to do something good for the world, to make it better, to make people... Happier. ]

[ Charles, at least, has found something else. Even though it's far away from him and he worries for the school, they've given that hope back to him. He'll not lose sight of it now.

There are a lot of people who are lost here. They don't say it but it's there all the same. ]

[ Lifting her eyes, she looks over at him with a tenderness and a softness she can't hide, and her hand grips his gently.

Am I supposed to help them? ]

[ Supposed to. He wonders at that wording, but it shouldn't surprise him. Charles himself had asked those questions, had listened to the words of his older self for support. Knowing what he's meant to do had helped him greatly in finding his way.

But he ponders the cost of it.

Do what you feel is best for you. Helping others helps you, Hermione. I've seen it. ]

[ She thinks that it can't possibly be fair, her asking Charles all these questions, laying her burdens at his feet and not considering how he might feel, but she relies on him - she trusts his advice. When she looks at him she sees family, and she knows that what he tells her will come from the heart.

He won't be cruel, or guide her wrong. Hermione has faith in that.

Does it? It's been a little while. But it makes sense. It's how she kept her head on in the Drabwurld. I'm sure I could think of something. ]

[ Something will come to you. He's certain of it. Charles knows how difficult it is at the beginning, how lost and uncertain one feels when they lack a purpose but there's purpose all around them. Even in places like the Fleet where it feels like their agency has been taken away.

You just need to find it. ]

[ Breathing out, she softens, nodding her head. It had been easy in the Drabwurld because she'd had a thousand and one things to keep herself busy - she'd buried herself in paperwork, in quests, in travelling, enough that she didn't have to think about anything else - but here it's... Calmer. She knows she has to figure out how to make herself comfortable in an entirely new situation.

I've always been very good at finding things out. Maybe that'll work out for me here, too. ]

[ His answering smile is kind. It takes time, trying to find our way but there's a way for all of us, even in places that leave us bereft. Nothing can take away purpose. It exists in our hearts. ]

[ I always knew you were a very good teacher. Hermione's hand squeezes his gently and she breathes out. I promise I won't always be like this, too. I won't always have to burden you. ]

[ Charles shakes his head.

I'm not burdened. His tone is light. He's not lying about it. This kind of sharing, of connection never feels like a burden. It's unfortunate that people don't always understand it or see the worst possible uses for it.

You don't have to promise anything. You're fine the way you are. And you'll be better too. ]

[ Their connection is still there, open and real, and there's a warmth that Hermione can feel that eases the tension that might have risen to overtake her somewhat. She breathes out a soft noise, tilting her head up to look at Charles before she smiles, expression gently, soft - completely loving, too, because she does love him. He's still family to her.

I'm glad. I'm glad we can do this, together. That you know that - that nothing that happens will change how much I trust you, Charles. ]

[ He finds himself smiling despite himself. Carefully, he squeezes her hands and lets go. Charles even brushes some of her hair back.

As am I. ]

[ Leaning back, Hermione breathes out a quiet noise, relaxing a little before she tilts her head up and looks at Charles with a gentle tenderness she can't hide. ]

Thank you.

[ He shakes his head, smiling ruefully. ]

You're welcome.

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