Eugene Woods (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
survivalistcookbook) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
driftfleet2016-09-27 10:31 pm
survivalistcookbook) wrote in driftfleet2016-09-27 10:31 pm
ii - action/video - open
Who: Eugene Woods
Broadcast: Video
Action: the Wonderduck
When: Tuesday Evening
[Eugene has been on a ship full of teenagers long enough - it's time he delivered on the promises to actually feed them adequately. Which is why he's now broadcasting from the galley, flour-speckled and far, far too pleased with himself. So pleased, in fact, that he'll just go ahead an monologue at the rest of the fleet.]
Some of you out there may have heard a saying, that there's no such thing as bad pizza. Now maybe you haven't heard this - say, for instance, if you come from a world that doesn't actually have pizza. But if you do, this is probably a pretty common truism. Whether you agree with it or not-? Well. That's a matter of taste.
[Pun fully intended, as the little curl of his lips and glint of his eye gives away. But he continues, because in space, there's no one to cue a laugh track.]
But in a hermetically-sealed tin can drifting through the cold vacuum of space, I think we can all agree that standards change. And in celebration of finally creating something that sort of, basically behaves like cheese . . .
[Camera pan to the oven, which he opens with a showman's flourish to reveal . . . a pizza! Basically. Sure, the cheese is a little more yellowish than usual, and the toppings are mostly diced canned meat product and mixed vegetable compound. But it's close enough for him to grin as he shuffles a hand into an oven mitt and withdraws his creation to rest on the stovetop.]
Voila. One down, and another five pies' worth of dough and cheese ready for the crews of the Wonderduck and Vanquish. Not exactly a New York slice, but hey, if anyone wants the next best thing this side of Alpha Centauri? Let's talk.
Broadcast: Video
Action: the Wonderduck
When: Tuesday Evening
[Eugene has been on a ship full of teenagers long enough - it's time he delivered on the promises to actually feed them adequately. Which is why he's now broadcasting from the galley, flour-speckled and far, far too pleased with himself. So pleased, in fact, that he'll just go ahead an monologue at the rest of the fleet.]
Some of you out there may have heard a saying, that there's no such thing as bad pizza. Now maybe you haven't heard this - say, for instance, if you come from a world that doesn't actually have pizza. But if you do, this is probably a pretty common truism. Whether you agree with it or not-? Well. That's a matter of taste.
[Pun fully intended, as the little curl of his lips and glint of his eye gives away. But he continues, because in space, there's no one to cue a laugh track.]
But in a hermetically-sealed tin can drifting through the cold vacuum of space, I think we can all agree that standards change. And in celebration of finally creating something that sort of, basically behaves like cheese . . .
[Camera pan to the oven, which he opens with a showman's flourish to reveal . . . a pizza! Basically. Sure, the cheese is a little more yellowish than usual, and the toppings are mostly diced canned meat product and mixed vegetable compound. But it's close enough for him to grin as he shuffles a hand into an oven mitt and withdraws his creation to rest on the stovetop.]
Voila. One down, and another five pies' worth of dough and cheese ready for the crews of the Wonderduck and Vanquish. Not exactly a New York slice, but hey, if anyone wants the next best thing this side of Alpha Centauri? Let's talk.
no subject
I feel like I got called on in class unawares and was just thoroughly schooled about bird science. They're just...
[He holds up his thumb and forefinger.]
...so fuckin' small. I've eaten bigger nachos.
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Two points, actually. I . . . am almost positive I could fake nachos at this point. I mean, you know. Horrible stadium nachos, but that still counts, right?
no subject
[Oh my god.]
Dude. Please. The best I can do is Doritos. Nachos are just the vastly superior option.
no subject
no subject
He pops the bag open and offers it to Eugene.]
I can make pretty good knock-offs of the shit they stock in Mad Snacks Yo, but anything less than fifty percent high fructose corn syrup and Red 40 is beyond me.
[Quietly whispers "what the fuck is Homestuck" in the background of this thread.]
no subject
[Said in the tone of softest reverence, though Eugene is very careful in reaching into the bag, pulling out a chip, and sniffing it. Cheese powder, corn chip, basically everything he expects except for the whole glowing bit.]
How have you not died of scurvy already.
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[He filches out a couple chips and munches on them.]
I can do four different flavors, but I dunno how authentic any of them are besides the Nacho Cheese.
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[Wait. WAIT.]
Oh my god can you make chocolate.
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[Basically, all manner of chips, Cheetos included. He could probably pull off that nasty spray cheese, if someone reminded him it exists.]
Energy drinks are doable, but I haven't got them right yet. They still taste a little weird.