driftfleet | "My mind's like a deadly disease..."

Entry tags:

"My mind's like a deadly disease..."

Who: Wanda Maximoff
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Starstruck
When: Now

Broadcast - Text

[Wanda's presence, both in the Fleet's comms and aboard its vessels, has dwindled, slowly but surely, over the course of the past month. There was period of time, around the beginning of the month, when she couldn't be found or reached at all--save for by Misty, Vision and Pietro. More perceptive fleet members might recall that her disappearance occurred around the time that rumors of a dragon and its rider terrorizing Solrius were circulating about. However, she did pop back up a little while later, seemingly as though nothing was wrong. However, those that know her well may have picked up the subtle tells that there was something she was not saying. Something that she was trying to bury. And so, she became more and more scarce around the Fleet. At least, until now...]

What do you think happens after death?

[The message is short and simple. Anyone familiar with the festivities of the month of October, perhaps this is simply her way of trying to get into the spirit of things?]

Starstruck - Action

[Friends and shipmates of Wanda's, if they want to go looking for her, will find her either holed up in her bunkroom aboard the Starstruck, or in a corner of the ship's kitchen or shuttle bay at times she thinks no one would typically wander in. By the look on her face, it is clear something is troubling her.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It may be different for other peoples' worlds, but in my own, peoples' souls move on to the afterlife.

That is one of the views where I'm from, too.

We know it to be true, at least- that's how my soul was able to come back when I was armor, because it hadn't gone to the other side yet.

[There's a pause before Wanda responds.]

I don't understand. There's an afterlife, but your soul was able to come back before it was on the other side. Was there someplace in-between?

Yeah. Alchemy requires an equal exchange- to obtain, you must lose something. Brother and I tried to do a transmutation that was way beyond our level, and it backfired. Brother lost his leg, and my whole body was left in the in-between. My soul didn't move on because my body hadn't died, it was stuck. Brother then gave up his arm to bring my soul back into the world, because taking my whole body would have been too great of a cost. Does that make sense?

[If it does or doesn't, Wanda's response doesn't seem to give much indication.]

What did it look like? The in-between?

Nothing but blank whiteness- and the door that represented the way back to my world.

[A pause before Wanda's next response.]

Do you think it's possible for different people to see different things when they die?

It could be- I only have my own experience, after all.

[There's a pause and then the public feed cuts out. Wanda apparently having switched it off from her end. However, a moment later a private feed to Al opens from her.]

I saw nothing. There was only the pitch-black darkness.

[Oh. OH. So that was why she was suddenly asking about death. Al's kinda glad this is over text, because this was a pretty heavy thing to learn.]

And that was your last memory from home? The... nothing?

[She pauses, but only because it was a surprisingly difficult question for her to answer. And it was one she's been mulling over on her own for some time.]

It wasn't home. It was here.

And... I do not know if the darkness was what I experienced, or if that it is the only way I am able to process whatever happened to me, or if it purely serves as the gape in between.

[Clearly, she still doesn't have an answer, and that was likely one of the reasons for her present mood and behavior.]

[Another pause as Al considers that.]

It could be that your brain blocked something out- shock or trauma can make you lose memories. Or maybe it really is the gap in between here and the after. It's hard to say for sure...

[There's a pause. At first, it seems to imply that she doesn't find Al's response helpful. However, when it does come, it seems to go back to a point they've glossed over twice before. Once in this conversation, and once when she first met him in his human form.]

Al... when you went to that place-- the place of white and the doors, what happened before then? Why were you there?

[There's a long pause before Al replies. Trying to bring someone back to life was taboo- especially so in his world, but he was sure it was the same everywhere. Could he trust someone with the answer? He'd have to tell, sooner or later.]

Brother and I began studying alchemy when we were kids because Mom praised us for it. Dad left us when we were toddlers, but left behind a lot of study material. We'd read Dad's books and make little things... simple toys and gifts for her. She thought it was the best thing in the world and was so proud of us for it. But when Brother and I were 7 or 8 years old, she died, and we would have given anything to bring her back.

Can you see where this is going?

Edited 2016-10-16 23:40 (UTC)

[The pause was so long that Wanda wasn't sure he would answer. Not that she would have blamed him. However, when he does respond, everything begins to click for Wanda. All the peculiarities about Al that had stuck out to her when they first met... they were beginning to be explained now.]

You brought her back? Even though it cost you so much? You knew that you would lose your body, but you still went through with it.

[It reads as more accusatory than Wanda means it to be. In fact, in all honesty, she can completely emphasize with Alphonse more in this moment than ever before. What would she have given? What price would she have paid if it meant she could have brought back her parents or Pietro? She didn't have an answer.]

It didn't work. That's the thing. We knew that trying to create life was forbidden, but being the foolish kids we were, we thought grownups were just overexaggerating the danger, and decided to keep it our little secret. Teacher suspected what we were up to and tried to steer us away from it, but she lived so far away, once we were done with our lessons, she had no way of knowing or stopping us. So we did everything as we thought we ought to- the transmutation circle was perfect, we had the raw ingredients for a human, and we used our blood for the soul.

But Mom didn't come back. The transmutation resulted in an unviable... thing. I never saw it with my own eyes, but Granny and Brother both told me it didn't resemble Mom in any way. It lived for a few minutes before expiring. Mom's soul was truly with the dead, so there was no way to bring it back, and trying is what caused the backlash.

Edited 2016-10-19 00:01 (UTC)

[Wanda can hardly believe the words spelled out on her screen. Such suffering and such hardship to have to go through, and to receive nothing from it... Her heart aches for Alphonse and his brother. The sorrow and grief they must have had to endure, twice over.]

[It's at this moment that Wanda feels texting back and forth is not enough. She switches on the video feed of her communicator. Despite the overall wearied look about her, it's clear from the look in her eyes how much she sympathizes for Alphonse right now.]

Alphonse, I- I'm so sorry. I should not have pried... You... you went through so much. So much pain and suffering. It was callous and selfish of me to force you to relive all that.

[Al smiled shakily.]

You're the first person here I've told about it, so believe me, I didn't make that decision lightly. You have no need to apologize. We managed to do everything we could to fix our mistake. It's just... hard to talk about, because the attempt to create life is such a big taboo.

[She nods her head solemnly, pure sympathy radiating from behind her eyes.]

Al, I won't tell anyone. I will keep it a secret. You... thank you for sharing with me even though you didn't have to with something so personal and so painful...

[It feels sort of one-sided. So, with a bit of a heavy sigh and an uncertain look, one of Wanda's hands slowly works it's way up to her jacket, and tugs the zipper down partially.]

You trusted me. I will trust you.

[She's not sure how Al will take this. Especially after what he's just shared with her, but... it didn't seem right to have strung him along, gotten him to confess something so painful and personal without confiding in him why she had done this to him in the first place.]

[As the zipper drops a little, she then pulls the jacket's collar to the side. It gives Alphonse a good look at the start of what appears to be a rather grisly, long scar which begins just below where her left collarbone meets her neck. The scar almost looks fresh. The ghostly white of it clashing with her natural complexion. Actually, given the placement and likely length of the scar, the wound that created it would have been lethal... yet, she was here on the communicator talking to him.]

[She studies his reaction. Her face showing more fear than ever before in their conversation.]

I appreciate it. It's been hard to keep it in, believe me- even the people who knew me when I was still armor don't know the full story behind it. Zuko did, because he met another version of me in a place called Adstringendum, but, well... it's not exactly a good topic for casual conversation either.

[He's then silent, a little confused at first as she unzips her jacket, but then he understands. That was definitely a nasty-looking wound, and though he's no doctor, he's quite sure that would have been fatal, and he nods in understanding, his face sad.]

So you were given another chance at life here, but at home... you're going back to death, aren't you? Or don't you know for sure?

[Wanda cannot help but look panicked at that question. The idea had never occurred to her that her death here, her resurrection, that any of it would affect her back home.]

Is that possible? Did my dying here mean... did I die back home, too?

[She looks about ready to crumble all over again. This new shock and terror mounting on top of what already existed... it's about to become simply too much.]

That I don't know. [Al looks sad and a little frustrated at his inability to give her some sort of reassurance.] I'd say no... things that happen here don't affect us back home. After all, time freezes, doesn't it? So it wouldn't make sense.

[Wanda hesitantly nods her head. Though, the troubled look on her face tells Alphonse that this new possibility still alarms her.]

You said... creating life is a taboo... what then... what does that make me then?

You're still alive. [On that, at least, he can be firm in his beliefs.] Even if you were created, your life still has value. I knew people who were made into fusions of humans and animals against their will, but they found each other, cared about each other and found meaning in their lives anyway.

"My mind's like a deadly disease..."

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