driftfleet | "My mind's like a deadly disease..."

Entry tags:

"My mind's like a deadly disease..."

Who: Wanda Maximoff
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Starstruck
When: Now

Broadcast - Text

[Wanda's presence, both in the Fleet's comms and aboard its vessels, has dwindled, slowly but surely, over the course of the past month. There was period of time, around the beginning of the month, when she couldn't be found or reached at all--save for by Misty, Vision and Pietro. More perceptive fleet members might recall that her disappearance occurred around the time that rumors of a dragon and its rider terrorizing Solrius were circulating about. However, she did pop back up a little while later, seemingly as though nothing was wrong. However, those that know her well may have picked up the subtle tells that there was something she was not saying. Something that she was trying to bury. And so, she became more and more scarce around the Fleet. At least, until now...]

What do you think happens after death?

[The message is short and simple. Anyone familiar with the festivities of the month of October, perhaps this is simply her way of trying to get into the spirit of things?]

Starstruck - Action

[Friends and shipmates of Wanda's, if they want to go looking for her, will find her either holed up in her bunkroom aboard the Starstruck, or in a corner of the ship's kitchen or shuttle bay at times she thinks no one would typically wander in. By the look on her face, it is clear something is troubling her.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What are the proper steps?

[The rest of Kara's message seemingly ignored.]

There's a ritual. Funeral rites, I think they're called on Earth. We had to do it for my aunt, recently.

So they're not steps someone can take. It's something that has to be done for them after they die?

Well, it's important. Like a Catholic priest delivering Last Rites. But how someone conducts themselves before death is also important.

[A pause before the next response.]

What do you imagine the darkness feels like?

[ it takes her some time to respond. she starts and stops a bunch ]

I don't know. Nothing? But not nothing like the negative of something. An active absence. Loneliness.

[ she's probably thought about it before but the setting; the conversation; not needing, in that moment, to perform okay-ness for anyone else... her parents, Kal-El's parents... an entire planet weren't sent into the Light of Rao with the traditional process. she's being thrown, uncomfortably, into confronting all of what that might mean ]

[Kara likely does not realize it, but her words hit on a particularly poignant note for Wanda at the moment. Though, it seems Wanda has accidentally done the same to her.]

Absence. Loneliness. Darkness.

[A pause.]

Sounds like the opposite of the light you described.

I guess all that's left is trying to decide if a religion is true if almost everyone who believed it is gone.

...Are you hanging out somewhere? Do you want to meet up?

[And that's when Wanda realizes the unintended consequences of her question. She had supposed the subject would be difficult for some to discuss, but still... in Kara's case... she hadn't meant for this.]

I'm sorry, Kara. I didn't mean--

[The message cuts itself there, as Wanda has apparently cut her public feed. There's a pause, long enough to maybe suggest that she's dropped the conversation entirely. But then, a private feed opens.]

Private: I'm on the Starstruck. In the shuttle bay.

I won't blame you if you don't want to come.

?

Of course I'll come. I asked. Be there in a few?

[ and she's good on her word, showing up a few minutes later. she's not her normal bouncy self, but most of that is concern for Wanda. What prompted this whole line of conversation anyway? ]

[When Kara arrives, she'll spot Wanda sitting on a crate in a far corner of the shuttle bay. Basically, just keeping to herself. However, when kara arrives, Wanda does look up to give her a weak smile and wave in greeting.]

Can I give you a hug? I want to give you a hug.

[Wanda's eyes pop slightly at the request, but there's a flash of genuine in her eyes and for a second in her smile that suggests she would appreciate it very much. She gives Kara a small nod of her head.]

[ she comes over and gives Wanda a warm hug, then she sits next to her ]

So, what's going on.

[Wanda is content to sit in Kara's hug for a little while. She gives back, weakly, one of her own.]

[As they pull apart, Wanda looks down and slightly away. Her eyes searching and as her eyebrows arch upwards in a look of sadness. She's silent until she can find the words she wants to begin with.]

Do you believe it's possible for the dead to be brought back to life?

Well, here, I think anything is possible. At home? I guess I wouldn't be surprised at this point. Are we talking zombies or time travel or something else?

Something else.

[Wanda's response is flat. She still looks troubled. She then turns to meet Kara's gaze, and there is a deep sense of pain and fear behind Wanda's eyes.]

Do you think the dead should be brought back to life?

[ Kara will take Wanda's hands, if she's allowed ]

I think it depends on the context. Some things should be left as-is, but... sometimes we have more to do.

[Wanda doesn't stop her from taking her hand. She looks down at it though, being clasped by kara's. Apparently no longer willing or able to meet her gaze.]

What if it wasn't your decision? Does that change things?

[ a small squeeze, and her voice is soft and empathetic ]

To die or to come back?

Sometimes we don't get to make those choices. Usually, actually. I didn't get a choice in coming to Earth, but it's so important for me to move forward and make the best out of bad situations. I was given a chance to live and help others, and I try every day to do that.

"A chance to live and help others..."

[Wanda repeats the question thoughtfully. For her, it feels like a third or fourth try. So many tries that she's been given. Has she been able to make anything of them?]

[Her expression changes from one more somber to one more troubled and contemplative. Wanda is more hesitant to ask her next question, as she does not wanting to make her pain Kara's pain. Yet, there is a question she wants answered, or at least... if she can perhaps say it out loud, it will not persist in her head as much.]

To be given such a chance, isn't it hard to not wonder... why you? Why not someone else?

I wonder that all of the time. Why did my mother choose to save me, and not herself or my father, or any of the other children, besides Kal-El? Why were we the two who were sent to Earth? I've thought about it constantly for over 12 years... But I don't find it useful. I'm someone who has to keep moving, and maybe that's why. Maybe if I move enough and look ahead enough and help enough people, I'll make up for escaping Krypton that day. But I can't, can I?

What I can do is make sure no one else has that bad of a day again... I want to make sure no one else feels the way I feel about what happened. But I guess I can't get everyone.

What is this really about, Wanda?

[As Wanda listens to Kara's words, a look of sincere understanding and almost, perhaps, relief flashes across her expression. There is a truth to Kara's words that Wanda has tried to tell herself so many times, and yet, finally hearing it externally, seems to give the words an impact that she struggled to give them herself. The sympathy of their similar experiences having just been spelled out abundantly clear to Wanda. She wants to say something, something to let Kara know how much Wanda appreciates what she's said. How painful it must be for her to relive and go over these thoughts that have been tormenting Wanda these past few weeks.]

[However, at Kara's question, Wanda again looks troubled. However, she knows she can't keep dancing around this with Kara. She's strung her along too far already without truly explaining herself. So, with a bit of hesitance, Wanda's arm reaches up to unzip the top of her jacket. It's enough that, when she folds the collar down, Kara can see the start of a large, grisly scar. It begins about an inch or so from where Wanda's left collarbone meets her neck, and likely extends a fair distance down her chest. The wound that created it must have been nasty. Life-ending in fact. Yet, here Wanda was sitting before her. However, there's now a grim, eery calm to her expression. Though, perhaps "resignation" is a better way to describe the look on her face as she watches Kara's reaction to this little reveal.]

[ Kara lightly places her fingers on Wanda's jacket, so she can properly see without getting gropey. Her eyes widen and her face stills. She looks up at Wanda, perhaps the most serious Wanda has seen her, but her voice is soft and compassionate ]

Wanda... what happened?

[There's a short pause.]

A dragon.

[She answers so candidly that it even causes her to chuckle somewhat at how crazy and stupid it sounds, even though it was the truth. The chuckle though... there's not much humor to it. She just sounds hollow.]

In the last system, there were these reports... rumors of a large beast attacking and terrorizing some settlements. Pietro and I... we thought... I thought we could do something about it. Help those people.

We weren't looking to fight this beast. If the rumors about it were true, we knew we'd likely be in over our heads. We just wanted to see if the reports were true, and then see if we could do something to help the people of that planet.

We ran into the monster anyways. And... we were proven right. It was too much for us to handle on our own.

[She gestures faintly at the scar. Further emphasizing how stupid she feels. As if this was almost the deserved result.]

"My mind's like a deadly disease..."

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