driftfleet | "My mind's like a deadly disease..."

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"My mind's like a deadly disease..."

Who: Wanda Maximoff
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Starstruck
When: Now

Broadcast - Text

[Wanda's presence, both in the Fleet's comms and aboard its vessels, has dwindled, slowly but surely, over the course of the past month. There was period of time, around the beginning of the month, when she couldn't be found or reached at all--save for by Misty, Vision and Pietro. More perceptive fleet members might recall that her disappearance occurred around the time that rumors of a dragon and its rider terrorizing Solrius were circulating about. However, she did pop back up a little while later, seemingly as though nothing was wrong. However, those that know her well may have picked up the subtle tells that there was something she was not saying. Something that she was trying to bury. And so, she became more and more scarce around the Fleet. At least, until now...]

What do you think happens after death?

[The message is short and simple. Anyone familiar with the festivities of the month of October, perhaps this is simply her way of trying to get into the spirit of things?]

Starstruck - Action

[Friends and shipmates of Wanda's, if they want to go looking for her, will find her either holed up in her bunkroom aboard the Starstruck, or in a corner of the ship's kitchen or shuttle bay at times she thinks no one would typically wander in. By the look on her face, it is clear something is troubling her.]

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I did warn you -- [ peggy announces her intentions as she attempts the shoulder her way into the room. barring any magical barriers from wanda, she'll stride confidently inside. ]

[No barriers. Nothing like that. Just Wanda sitting on her bed in the darkness of her room, one of her legs dangles off the side of her bunk, while the other is pulled up to her chest. Her chin resting on her knee. The only light is the faint glow from her communicator's screen, sitting next to her on the bed, and the light that streams in from her now open door.]

[As Peggy answers, Wanda neither moves or gives any kind of verbal indication that she's aware Peggy is there. Though, her eyes do squint somewhat as they continue to stare at the wall opposite of her. The new light flooding in from the door is somewhat blinding to her after hiding away in the dark like she had been.]

[ peggy can all but barely abide brooding -- wallowing, she might call it, in one's bad moods. she can feel an outpouring of sympathy for the young woman, and yet still wish she had a set of heavy curtains to throw aside and invite light back into the room.

she sets the tray down heavily beside the bed. ] Sit here in the dark too long, straining your eyes, and you'll need glasses.

[ peggy stands back, crossing her arms over her chest. ] How long have you been holed up in here, then?

[She stays silent, ignoring the question. Though her brow seems to furrow slightly in irritation. Clearly, Peggy's question was not one she was interested in responding to or hearing.]

[Of all the times that Wanda and Peggy have had those hard conversations, this one was clearly unique that Wanda had never seemed quite so quiet and insolent before. In the past, she had spoken to and treated Peggy with respect. More than just her captain, Peggy had been like an older sister to her. This behavior from Wanda... something clearly was not right.]

[ -- peggy bites back a hard reply to all this silence. she'd never made a name for herself by way of her compassion, nor her mercy. though these qualities certainly exist in her person, they're never the easiest ones to access. until now, wanda has always made it easy for peggy to find them within herself.

were it someone else, she might have been quicker to sarcasm. my, my, did the atroma take your tongue? but for now, tamps down that instinct and merely stands her ground. ]

...This isn't you. I'm not offended if you don't want to tell me about it -- but it's not you, Wanda, and that makes me want to pry all the more.

[Wanda finally turns to look at Peggy. The look of irritation that been there for a second has melted away. Melted away to something quite different. It's a look of pain, but the kind that Peggy likely has seen in a long time. The pain on Wanda's face is reminiscent to the kind she might have seen on the faces of soldiers in wartime -- the ones that lost someone very close to them, or perhaps also were wounded yet lived while their buddy did not.]

[Wanda opens her mouth to say something, but then almost immediately closes it. She looks to be struggling to find the words to say. However, she does try again and finds a little more success. Though, her tone comes out choked and weak sounding.]

I don't... feel like me either.

[ aha! she has a voice. but, as peggy learns while scrutinizing wanda's face, she harbours a great pain as well. most often, she tried to take a gentle approach to wanda's predicaments. somehow, tough love felt more appropriate tonight. ]

Something happened in the last system, didn't it? [ it doesn't take an international spy to suss that much out, at least. ]

[She doesn't verbally respond, but she doesn't look away from Peggy either. She stays meeting her gaze, and the look behind her eyes does not change. She gives a small nod in answer to Peggy's question.]

To you? [ peggy did not mince her words. if the best she could hope for were responses that were monosyllabic, or non-verbal, then she needed to make her questions easy to answer. ] Or to someone else?

[ -- is she witnessing trauma, or grief? ]

[Wanda finally breaks from meeting Peggy's gaze. She looks down and away for a moment. She looks to be debating with herself on what to say. But, it shouldn't be that difficult of a question to answer, right?]

[Seemingly coming to a decision, Wanda looks back up at Peggy. Her expression now more akin to a look of grim determination. Wanda unbuttons the first three buttons of her top, pulling the collar to the left with two of her fingers. It's enough for Peggy to see the beginnings of looks to be a long, grisly scar. It begins an inch or so under Wanda's left collarbone, roughly about where it meets the neck. The scar had to have belonged to a wound big enough and deep enough that, by all rights, should be lethal. Yet, Wanda sits here, watching Peggy with a calm, dark expression.]

[ -- the lighting is poor. without asking, peggy leans back and keys in a brief command to raise the level of illumination in the room. the clinical light sets the whole moment in stark relief, and peggy turns back to see the tell-tale signs of violence.

thing is, there's nothing to any of this that suggests it was done to wanda. for all peggy knows, it might have been some accident. an adventure gone wrong, or maybe a run-in with some of the less hospitable landscapes in that last system. but the dark-and-stormy part of her reacts quicker than her discretion. she swallows hard.

her voice is strained, and it barely conceals either her anger or her assumption: ] Who did this to you?

[Wanda winces ever so slightly at Peggy's tone and question. She turns her gaze away again, tears bubbling at the edges of her eyes. Wanda's tone now sounds more like that of a guilty child caught red-handed than a sullen teenager.]

On the last system... there were those rumors of a monster, a dragon and its master terrorizing one of the planets... Pietro and I... we wanted to help. We thought we might be able to do something.

[She swallows, shaking her head. Her voice becoming more strained and cracked, as she's clearly trying to hold back tears now.]

We didn't know... the beast- it was so massive, and the rider... [Remembering those pitch-black eyes and no mouth, a notable spark of fear courses through Wanda.] they were too dangerous.

We tried to get away but... we were separated. [Wanda's volume starts building and her tone becomes increasingly more panicked sounding as she goes on.] Piedro was in danger. They were going to kill him. I- I couldn't... not again... I didn't want to lose him again!

[She stops herself. She looks about ready to collapse entirely now. Once again, her eyes return to meeting Peggy's own as the tears slowly start to fall.]

He lived. I didn't.

[ and so, wanda sacrificed herself for her brother. peggy's fury is no less fierce -- but she can understand the choice wanda must have made. split-second, and heartfelt. whatever softening that understanding might usually impart, it's overshadowed by a sharp retroactive grief for the young woman.

peggy's gaze is still caught on the scar. her fists tighten at her sides. ] And yet here you are, alive. [ she'd heard rumours, but she'd never witnessed... ] Is that the Atroma's doing?

[Wanda's gaze shifts subtly downward, and she shakes her head. However, she doesn't give any response beyond that. It seems that, for whatever reason, Wanda does not want to share how it was exactly that she was brought back.]

[Though her eyes seem to wince slightly, likely as she remembers it. However it happened, it was clear that her resurrection was not pleasant.]

Someone else, then. [ she's near-ruthless the way she reads between wanda's lines. can't help it; she's been moved to concern and righteousness. like a mama-lion, prodded over her pride. peggy's mouth maintains a stern line. ] Someone with the power to do so.

[ never-they-mind that they likely didn't have to. peggy suspects the atroma wouldn't allow too much death. but it's not fair to quibble over those problems now. ]

But not enough to power to leave you unscathed.

It wasn't her fault! She- she was not the one who killed me! She was only trying to help!

[Wanda stops herself. The outburst had been so sudden, and so loud and angry that she had even surprised herself. She had not given away the identity of who it was that resurrected her, or why she did so... but she had given away that whoever it was, she was "she."]

I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I... The person who brought me back... She did so because she was asked.

[She looks guilty, shaking her head.]

I... I promised not to tell who it was. She... she doesn't want people to know she has this power to bring back the dead.

She's... she went through many horrible experiences, because of how people have reacted to her power. She's... she's scared.

[ a flat wave of her hand. ] Snap all you want, my darling. I can survive a good snapping -- so long as that is all it is.

[ but wanda has, indeed, revealed a great deal with her rushed words. not only a gender, but also a line of vulnerability in this unknown person. peggy doesn't want to use such weaknesses against good folk -- but old habits die hardest, and she stores this information away in the back of her mind. ]

It would be an awfully big power. [ ... ] An awful lot of responsibility.

[Peggy's gesture and words seem to relieve her somewhat. The last thing she wants, truly, is to pass on her pain and poor mood to others. Hence, her isolation in her room. Peggy's been around long enough to undoubtedly notice the patterned behavior.]

[She nods solemnly at Peggy's comment about power and responsibility.]

It is not something she freely advertises as being capable of. I didn't even know she possessed such an ability until... well, until I experienced it for myself.

Were I her, I would be equally discreet. I may not boast any preternatural powers of my own -- but I can empathize with those who might want to hide them from the world. [ she recalls the 'home video' recorded by hydra. experiments. horrible, grotesque actions. all to unlock powers they had no right to exploit. ]

[Wanda nods her head. Not sure what needs be said at this point. She knows Peggy is not likely to let this die. No matter what Wanda has said at this point. Instead, she looks down at the scar once more, and begins buttoning back up her top.]

So now you know...

I- I had wanted to keep it a secret. Didn't want everyone concerned over something that has already past.

I thought, I could move past it. All of it. Dying and coming back. Like nothing had even happened, but... but I can't stop thinking about... death. What I experienced. What it felt like. It's...

[Tears start to well back up.]

It's haunting me.

And so the something that has already passed -- well, it hasn't really passed at all. It lingers in the present.

[ she produces a handkerchief from her pocket. she offers it, folded between two fingers. ] Who have you told?

Only a few that have reached out over the communicator. No one else in the crew knows.

[Yet. Her meeting with Steve and a few others in the cargo bay would come later, followed by her conversation with Max in the Starstruck's kitchen.]

[She does accept the handkerchief, but, at first, she just kind of holds it. Not even really looking at it. Though she does use it to wipe a few errant tears that start to descend.]

Can I... How do I keep going on after something like this happens? I can't pretend it did not happen. So how... how do I address something like this and move forward?

[She speaks the question out loud, though not even sure Peggy can provide her an answer.]

First, you stop even considering pretending it never happened -- my dear, you lost your live in the service of...[ they have no official word for what this? this community. this spectacle. ] You sacrificed. You needn't trumpet it from the mountaintops, but it isn't your duty to hide it.

Hide it, and you'll never move forward.

[Wanda thinks on this for a moment.]

So, should I-- this scar, it's not exactly pleasant to look at. Is it really okay for it to be visible?

[It's less a question about appearances and the opinions of other's thereof, and more about... well, Wanda did not want to draw a lot of unwanted attention to herself. People would want to know how she acquired it, and the thought of tell its story over and over again was not appealing to her.]

[She knows Peggy has just said not to hide it, but... still, having to recount the events behind it over and over made Wanda feel ill.]

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"My mind's like a deadly disease..."

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