driftfleet | "My mind's like a deadly disease..."

Who: Wanda Maximoff
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Starstruck
When: Now

Broadcast - Text

[Wanda's presence, both in the Fleet's comms and aboard its vessels, has dwindled, slowly but surely, over the course of the past month. There was period of time, around the beginning of the month, when she couldn't be found or reached at all--save for by Misty, Vision and Pietro. More perceptive fleet members might recall that her disappearance occurred around the time that rumors of a dragon and its rider terrorizing Solrius were circulating about. However, she did pop back up a little while later, seemingly as though nothing was wrong. However, those that know her well may have picked up the subtle tells that there was something she was not saying. Something that she was trying to bury. And so, she became more and more scarce around the Fleet. At least, until now...]

What do you think happens after death?

[The message is short and simple. Anyone familiar with the festivities of the month of October, perhaps this is simply her way of trying to get into the spirit of things?]

Starstruck - Action

[Friends and shipmates of Wanda's, if they want to go looking for her, will find her either holed up in her bunkroom aboard the Starstruck, or in a corner of the ship's kitchen or shuttle bay at times she thinks no one would typically wander in. By the look on her face, it is clear something is troubling her.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[It takes Wanda more than a few minutes to respond. This was a lot from someone to share with her all of a sudden, even considering the nature of her question. Especially from someone that she's hitherto had no prior interaction. The dark, brutal honesty of it though... Wanda, on the one hand, can appreciate the difficulty one might feel in sharing this. So, perhaps in a gesture of equivalency, Wanda offers her own experience.]

It happened in a flash for me. I was one place, fighting, and then I remember the sudden cold, sensation of my death. The impalement through my chest. Then darkness that wasn't quite anything. I remember a warmth of some kind, distant and beckoning to me.

Then all of a sudden, it was like I was being forced to experience the agony of all the pain that I'd been spared at the time of death. I woke up to that feeling. I was alive again.

[Interactions like this are why Kurt is so reclusive. Life was cheap in the world Apocalypse built; grand connections between people often flared from first contact to fruition in hours. The man you meet in the morning could well be your bosom buddy by nightfall, for no reason other than tomorrow was a child's dream and the now was unrelentingly harsh. The pressure on his shoulders to wring every second dry is a lifetime's habit hard to break, especially when talking to another version of someone he once called a team-mate.]

And you want to know what might have happened if you'd gone to it.

My answer won't comfort you. I'm an atheist.

[The atheist bit at the end there actually makes Wanda chuckle for a moment. There's not much life to it, but the deadpan delivery over text just made that line a tad humorous to her.]

I don't know if it's so much wanting to know what would have happened if I'd gone to it. For me, there wasn't much choice as to whether or not I could go to it. No, instead, I was brought back by someone else, and not by my choosing. Though, I certainly am not ungrateful for it... I think...

No, it's not about what might have been on the other side. It's more... is it okay that I did not end up over there?

As for the atheist bit... well, I don't know what I am anymore.

There's no shame in wishing you had died, if you do. Back home, I don't know anyone who survived both wars that didn't wish otherwise. [Himself included.] Death is peaceful, but it's also the end. No more pain, but also no more joy. No more you. If you're conflicted over how that makes you feel, then you're not ready to die.

I'm the worst person to tell you whether a thing is right or wrong. I'm a Darkholme, we tend to have an odd view of morality. Perks of being raised by a shapeshifter. I will tell you that I don't think there's any celestial accountant. You're here and you're not hurting anyone. I'd say that's a solid 'okay'.

[A Darkholme? Wanda didn't know what that meant, but, for someone who claimed he wouldn't be much help, his words certainly were finding purchase with her.]

Not ready to die, huh?

[She supposed that bit was true. She certainly had not been seeking death when it came to her. Right now, it was more the feelings of what has came after her death that are weighing upon her mind.]

Is it so simple then? I'm here again, and I'm not hurting anyone. So, I should just consider it what? A lucky one-off? A miracle?

[It's not that Wanda wanted death now, or that she felt it would somehow make things even -- a debt needing to be repaid to the grim reaper or whatever. No, if there words to describe what she was feeling, perhaps they would best be labeled "survivor's guilt."]

"My mind's like a deadly disease..."

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[text; private] (cw: mild suicidal idealism; SUCH A LOVELY FIRST CONVERSATION)

[text; private] (cw: mild suicidal idealism; I'm just waiting for her to hear his first name. :3)