driftfleet | [muffled spooky scary skeletons playing in the distance]

[He clenches his jaw slightly. It was what bothered him most, about his efforts with other people. That lingering fear that they would grow tired of it, realise there's nothing of value here to wait for, and want him to go. It was why he left the mansion, before his poison could take root in a place of optimism and hope.]

They shouldn't have to put up with it.

[she pauses at that, hands coming to a stop. It's a familiar sentiment, one she had subscribed to for years. Still did, in her worst moments]

Mmm, maybe. But I doubt that is how they see it.

[He wonders. His conversations all tend towards the superficial, the business-like; maybe they prefer it that way.]

I don't know what it is that I contribute anymore.

[she glances over with a frown, before she turns her attention back to her little art project. The knife cuts off another piece of bark]

What is it that you contributed before that has changed?

I-- [He starts, then stops. There are a lot of things he could say, but many of them relate to just one person, and are bound up with feelings of guilt.]

I used to do more for others.

[she purses her lips, finally just sitting down proper. The stick she's been playing with has had the end sharpened, and she sticks that in the ground and puts her knife into the ground next to it]

What else?

I had plans. Goals. Things I wanted to do.

[He looks at his hands, lined with dirt and age.] It feels absurd now.

Why are they absurd?

...because none of them worked.

[And it feels obvious, in hindsight, that he was wrong to hope for the best. To think things might work out for him. He wishes he could have been more surprised when it all imploded on him, snuffed out like a match. But he wasn't.]

[she doesn't have to ask about them, not really. She can take guesses, from what he's told her and what she's heard otherwise.

She sighs quietly. She was the last person who should talk about any of this]

I would say make new plans or goals, but I know it is not that easy.

[He huffs, not saying anything, but glad enough that she's acknowledged how difficult it is. Where is he meant to go from here, when his dreams have died and hope was never really at home in his soul? His next reply is a bit halting.]

I think... this is the first time in my life where I've really not known what to do.

[In his youth, he existed purely to kill Shaw. After, he fought to free mutants from the tyranny of humanity. Later, he had lived for love. He'd resolved to find a way forward with Charles, together. He had failed in that, but stumbled into another love with Magda, and Nina. And then...]

[there's a lot of things she could say. Each one on the tip of her tongue, something innocent enough that she isn't falling back on her own experiences, but everything seems too . . . empty. Hollow. Like it won't be enough.

She purses her lips for a moment, watching him]

Mmm, you've said that before. That you did not know what to do now.

[a pause, and then:]

How long has it been?

[since he lost his family]

[There's a long silence, as Erik stares off into the grass.]

Four... nearly five months.

[she picks up her knife again, only this time she shifts to put it back in her boot, before she pushes up to walk over and sit closer, next to him]

May I be honest with you?

[it's less about being honest, which she always is with him, and more being less careful with her words]

[He watches as she shifts closer, and nods. It would be gauche to refuse, given he's doing the same thing... maybe in lesser words than the depths of his feelings really go to, but all the same.]

[she tangles her fingers together in front of her, focusing on those. This is not something she finds easy to talk about and it's clear in her voice, the way she drops most of her usual formal talk]

It doesn't get easier. Figuring out where to go next, or even what to do with yourself. It's like coming to a crossroads where one road is pointing to the easy way, and the others are all uphill climbs that look impossible.

[she clasps her hands tighter together, lips pursing for a moment]

I've stopped trying to take the easy road, so I am like you, without anywhere to go and no idea what to do. And . . . I think it's okay, to wait there a while. To focus more on - waking up the next day. To do normal things other people don't give a second thought to. To grieve, when you feel like you need to, or be upset when it's too much. To just live, at those crossroads, until something comes along that finally clicks.

I could be wrong. But . . . that is my take on it. From where I stand right now.

[He listens in silence, expression less guarded than it was before. Hermione had said a similar thing - that it could be weeks, months, years before it felt like he could move forward. There's a truth in it, as well, but it still agitates him. The driven part of him, whatever's left of it, hisses its scorn at his behaviour. It's hard to please it when there's nothing he's driving towards.

He's quiet a while longer after Aurae finishes, turning a leaf over in his fingers.]

It is like that. Only I don't think there's even an easy way left, anymore. [If there ever had been one. If he's at a crossroads, it's one at the bottom of a pit, and all roads lead up.]

[her shoulders slump a little bit when Erik finally talks, both in relief and something else. She wants to say the same - that she doesn't have an easy way, either, but she's considered it. More times than she'd like to admit to, even though there hasn't been much in the way to remind her of it here]

I would think that is a good thing. You aren't a coward like I am.

[He can't and won't make the connection. That easy way had nearly destroyed him once, and he's past it now. But he shakes his head.]

I am. Fear rules me, more often than not.

[she reaches over to gently nudge his shoulder]

That is not being a coward, love.

[He looks at her, not arguing the point but not accepting it himself either.]

Maybe not all the time.

[she has no rebuttal to that, so she just hums quietly and nudges his shoulder again before letting her hand drop]

In any case . . . I understand where you are right now.

[He sighs, more at himself than anything Aurae's saying. When her hand drops away he reaches out to pinch her little finger lightly.]

It means a lot.

[she quirks a brief smile, shifting to push to her feet. Sitting for so long was making her legs numb]

I know. [she leans over to press a kiss to the top of his head, before heading over to one of the plants Erik was taking cuttings from] Do you need more of these?

Ah - just a few of the nuts. I want to see if I can store them.

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