driftfleet | Windrose Mingle

Hell, Kitty, do you think I have McCoy in my back pocket? [The words are soft, punctuated with a twitch as the rhetorical question brings to mind the young Raven's deplorable taste in men.] I won't throw my life away kätzchen. Still have you to look after, don't I?

I doubt you even have a back pocket. [Is this an apology? Close enough. She looks at him thoughtfully.]

For the rest of our lives. I'm a lot of work. We die together of old age while sparring.

Of course I do. Wrath needs somewhere to rest her hands.

[The smile he offers is worn and more than a little wistful, but genuine.] Not exactly how I'd pictured going out, but not a bad way to die. I would be happy with that. [A pause, and then he shakes his head.] Gott, you old. You know, I can still see that fey girl with hair like a dandelion and eyes like a moonless night, clear as day.

There's a mental picture. [As if she hasn't become the queen of PDA with Winn.]

And I can't imagine who you're talking about but she sounds lovely. I was a broken mess of a thing. [She was stronger than she remembers, but also deeply marked by her parents' murders and time in hiding.]

Don't pretend you don't love it.

[Kurt snorts inelegantly.] Of course you can't. You're a brat of a woman, Katherine Pryde. Clearly none of us kicked your ass enough.

I love the idea of you happy. [Too real?]

Jerk. [Better?]

And maybe you didn't kick it enough because you couldn't. [You left out stubborn and sassy.]

She does make me that. [And if occasionally he has to remind himself not to love her too deeply, or if he stares at his wedding band and wonders if Linda would have ever forgiven him for finding someone to soothe his broken heart, it's enough.]

Atrocity.

Please. I could still turn you into a pretzel, but then your boyfriend would get jealous.

[See that first part? It warms every corner of her heart. She responds in the most emotionally mature and productive way she can.]

Teleporting disaster.

And jealous? Really? I am concerned about all of your fighting techniques now.

[Have the most obviously fake look of outrage ever.]

First you insult my powers, and then you insult the ~~Armstrong~~ Darkholme fighting techniques. Keep it up, I'll have to duel you for my honor. Or Wrath will.

[He should probably not grin at that thought.]

[She returns a positively unaffected look.]

After that jealous comment I'm just afraid you'd enjoy that too much. No wonder sparring with me takes you out.

You're going to fault me for enjoying the prospect of watching my--Wrath fight? You know what kind of man I am, Kitty. You know the types of women I'm attracted to.

Yes. Non-redheads. [Said as if she thinks that is the only criteria, but she's mostly kidding. Honestly, she'd never really given it much thought. She didn't see him in that light often. Always a flirt certainly, but it's not exactly like relationships happened much for the X-Men during her time unless they happened between teammates like her and Piotr. She missed him being with Emma and his wife although she's heard about both since.]

Have you guys gotten over pretending your not in a relationship yet?

(OOC: Let me know if any of that flies in the face of your headcanon. Easily changed!)

I'm a bit pickier than that. [Kurt pulls a face at her, briefly.

The expression fades when she asks about Wrath, his lips thinning as they press together.] Kitty... We keep each other company when we're lonely.

I think you feel more than that. Things have a way of turning into more even if they weren't meant to. [Thinking back on how things grew with Tyki. On the plus side, Wrath isn't evil. Of course, Kurt isn't Kitty either, and she doesn't really know what he's like in relationships outside of teammates but she feels like she's right about this.]

[Kurt simply stares at her, eyes unblinking and wearing a shuttered expression. He considers telling her exactly what he did for love and vengeance; manipulating Logan to get the full resources of X-Force on his personal vendetta, then literally stabbing him in the back for the promise of vengeance for his wife. Manipulating a version of his own mother to the same ends, ruthlessly using her desperation for a child that loved her and then leaving once he'd healed.

He's still considering it when he opens his mouth.] You'd better hope you're wrong.

[She looks at him feeling more disconnected than connected in the moment and not liking it.] Kurt, why? What's going on in there?

[His tail swishes through the air sharply, and then an answer occurs to him.]

Kitty, if I'm willing to let McCoy get his hands on me to rescue Sascha, what do you think I'd do if the person I loved was taken from me?

We all do stupid things for love. You know I did. [Not phasing. There's something apologetic in the way she looks at him.]

Sometimes it does good things like reminding you that you're valuable and worthy of love too.

[He nearly laughs right in her face; his mouth twists harshly, and the breath he huffs out sounds like the beginning of a chuckle. But the apology on her face for how she died cuts the desire down, and Kurt closes his eyes.]

No, Kitty.

[She frowns, feeling the beginning of the mocking. It doesn't feel like he's mocking her though. It feels like he's mocking himself. The idea of his own worth and it upsets her as a person who loves him and as someone who feels like him. Cut from the same cloth. Bloodied hands. Tainted. Hearing Kurt come even that close to mocking the idea that he could love feels like saying she can't either. If she were fully secure in herself that wouldn't matter, but she's not and Kurt's opinion means the world to her and that's why...]

Well, I love you, idiot! And I think you should have good things and be happy and if that means loving a woman who is at least ten percent glitter and pink then that's what you're going to do!

[...he's getting yelled at.]

[Kurt's eyes snap open when she starts to yell, and for a moment he looks completely taken aback. And then he starts to match her for volume.]

I can't mourn another lover, Kitty! Everyone I loved in our world is dead, nearly everyone I've gotten close to since coming here has left, and I can't fucking handle losing another girlfriend! I will lose what little of my sanity I have left, do you understand?!

I'm not dead! [But she is. She is to him in ways she never had to feel for herself. Her death has been more academic to her. Something she knows was supposed to happen the same way their world was never supposed to exist. They were never supposed to exist. It's hard and heavy and strange, but it is something she thinks about not something she lives the way he lived her death. She knows that, but she also wants him to know she's here for him. He got one back. Things can get better. And she feels like the last person who should be trying to convince him because she's the first one to think they'll get worse again.]

And I lost everyone too, [Her family, their team, everyone in the prison, every man she's loved romantically except Winn.] but I wouldn't have Winn if I shut myself off from it! And I'll probably lose him too and it will crush me, but I'll keep going because if I don't I won't have whatever comes next!

If we're alive something will always come next. That's how I got to you.

[The last words are more gravely, not so loud. She's too close to tears even admitting that she still thinks she'll lose Winn and at the thought that she might have to move on without him. She keeps bringing up their happily-ever-after where they go to National City and get married and have kids and she doesn't believe it's going to happen. She wants it, and she'll fight for it, but she can't trust it. She lived in a horror, a tragedy, but never a fairy tale. She's going to have to see it to believe it.]

And I am! [So is she, but even in the heat of his anger, even when he wants to grab her by the shoulders and shake her, the urge to protect her is too strong for him to say something that horrible to her face. Not like this, as a weapon to hurt her and make her go away and leave him alone, goddammit Kitty. He's more considerate to her in this moment than he was to his own mother, and the realization sends a sharp pang through his chest.]

I wasn't whisked away the second before, I felt myself wither away and I-- [He bites his tongue on the words that come next, 'And when I woke up here I wished I didn't.' His head starts shaking when she says she'll lose Winn as well, his face setting in stubborn lines.] I can't. But you can, and you will, and I'll make sure of that if it's the last thing I do with my godforsaken life!

[And then she's moving forward, throwing her arms around him and holding him—solid and unyielding and crying into the blue. She may be hearing, "I felt myself wither away" repeated in her mind for a long time to come. She shakes her head as if to argue. To reaffirm that he'll find happiness. That he'll go on. But the words won't come. Her throat is locked up and not having any of it. But mostly she's just holding on.]

[He very nearly shoves her out of reflex. They've been shouting, his heart is pounding in his ears, and then she lunges at him. Kurt's hands are at her shoulders by the time he registers the arms around him and the muted sound of Kitty sobbing.

Fury rises in his throat and is crushed by regret before he can spew hateful words. They have a second chance at life, albeit short, and this is what he does with it; he makes her cry. Kurt's arms slide down to wrap around her, his face burying in her hair because despite his best efforts, he can't quite seem to keep his breath from catching.]

Windrose Mingle - November

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No it's exactly what i assumed.

<3

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blah blah suicidal idealism warning

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