[What, would have been more careful? Wouldn't have brought Fenris along save on errands where magic was likely to be cast? He already did that for interpersonal reasons. Fenris is right that it wouldn't have changed anything, but even so he can't help but lament that he didn't know. Not for that, but because of what he's trying to do now. To actually get to know Fenris, the good and the bad, and find some kind of common bond that tells him he's not insane for caring about the damn elf when back home he'd tried to chop Hawke in half out of prejudice.]
It wouldn't have changed anything in action, no. It couldn't, not with what was going on, but I do want to know when I'm hurting someone I care about. It's never something I want to do. I have to wonder if you - the you from my Thedas - resented that I never thought to ask.
[How could Wolfe have asked, when he had no idea? But that logic doesn't enter his head. All he sees is where he did wrong, all the flaws in his best intentions. It's all he ever sees. At the very least, it shows it isn't pity, but something more internalized to Hawke. His fault somehow, inevitably, because everything is somehow his fault, and therefore his responsibility to make it right. Its been ingrained into him since he was a child. Be an example, protect and keep safe, and any failing of that whether he could have done something or not is a deep cut in him.
Not for the first time, he wonders if he deserves the great scar down his chest, the last memory of his Fenris or perhaps deserved worse. He couldn't, not in that final showdown. He had to get to Meredith, had to defend the mages, there was no way he could be allowed to lose that fight. But the cost...
He runs his fingers over his shirt, rumpling the vest that's part of his bartender uniform as he traces the scar, and looks grimly at the lit candle.]
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[What, would have been more careful? Wouldn't have brought Fenris along save on errands where magic was likely to be cast? He already did that for interpersonal reasons. Fenris is right that it wouldn't have changed anything, but even so he can't help but lament that he didn't know. Not for that, but because of what he's trying to do now. To actually get to know Fenris, the good and the bad, and find some kind of common bond that tells him he's not insane for caring about the damn elf when back home he'd tried to chop Hawke in half out of prejudice.]
It wouldn't have changed anything in action, no. It couldn't, not with what was going on, but I do want to know when I'm hurting someone I care about. It's never something I want to do. I have to wonder if you - the you from my Thedas - resented that I never thought to ask.
[How could Wolfe have asked, when he had no idea? But that logic doesn't enter his head. All he sees is where he did wrong, all the flaws in his best intentions. It's all he ever sees. At the very least, it shows it isn't pity, but something more internalized to Hawke. His fault somehow, inevitably, because everything is somehow his fault, and therefore his responsibility to make it right. Its been ingrained into him since he was a child. Be an example, protect and keep safe, and any failing of that whether he could have done something or not is a deep cut in him.
Not for the first time, he wonders if he deserves the great scar down his chest, the last memory of his Fenris or perhaps deserved worse. He couldn't, not in that final showdown. He had to get to Meredith, had to defend the mages, there was no way he could be allowed to lose that fight. But the cost...
He runs his fingers over his shirt, rumpling the vest that's part of his bartender uniform as he traces the scar, and looks grimly at the lit candle.]