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Who: Apollo and Whoever
Broadcast: Yes and Yes
Action: Yes for part b!
When: 22nd afternoon??

[A: QUESTIONS FOR ALL: Voice/Video/Whatevs convenient]
[This lawyer has been near comatose for about almost a month, so he looks even more tired and irritable than usual when he pops up on the broadcast.]

Er--this seems like an odd thing to ask the general public but it's been on my mind for a while.

Do any of you ever wonder what's going on while we're here? Are our bodies back home in some sort of vegetative state, or in some cases, completely non existent? . . .or, uh, dead, if I have to put some things more bluntly.

I'm fairly sure I'm not, but it's difficult not to think about it.

. . .

In other news, does anyone know any good recipes for a 3 week old giant turkey you forget was stuffed in the freezer, feathers and all?

[B: WORKING OUT action and video]

[For a less pessimistic option, Apollo is attempting to work out his unused muscles on the sad treadmill in the Bloodsport's cargo bay, video going because why not. He does not look unlike a very determined hamster. . .at least until he trips and nearly falls, repeatedly yelling OBJECTION as he stumbles back to finding his pace.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Kaito's mental theater is now playing images of Apollo fighting an angry turkey, tvm]

[. . .]

[SNRKS]

What'd you do to make it mad? Make fun of its wattle?

Nothing! Granted we were thinking of maybe finding something to bring back, but we didn't think everything would be a giant! Two of them cornered us, we didn't have a choice.

[points at the camera]

That must be it. The turkeys could sense your killing intent. They tried to take you out before you could take them out first.

Too bad it backfired.

[places a hand over his heart]

Poor birds. May they rest in peace. . . or pieces in your stomach, eventually.

[the dryness in his voice suggests he is being sarcastic]

Ha Ha.

You know, one got carried off by a space hawk.

Honestly I think ours got the better deal.

. . .

If I had to go out, I'd honestly rather go out by space hawk than by freezer.

[he's just saying]

Gah--! It was dead before it got in the freezer, thank you very much! I'm not some sicko!

[jiiiiii]

You sure? You sound pretty defensive over there.

[he says this with the UTMOST SERIOUSNESS but in reality he's just shitting with him]

[FLAILS A BIT]

POSITIVE! I've never caught anything bigger than a lizard before! This was pure luck, and we made sure it was quick!!

[omg this is funny. his mouth twitches, but he does his best to keep a straight face]

You know what they say about those who protest the loudest being the most guilty, don't you?

That is a myth! I'm a defense attorney, I'm supposed to be loud and defensive!

[SLAMS HANDS AGAINST A TABLE and then points at the camera all dramatic-like]

If you're a defense attorney, then defend yourself in the freezer-murder of that poor, defenseless bird! Claims of innocence without evidence to back it up mean nothing in a court of law!

[Kaito no]

--gkk! You're. . .you're right. . .!

[DEFENSE INSTINCTS ACTIVATE.

slams his fists down on his--table or dresser, where even is he broadcasting from??]

But I do have proof! Take this!

[PRESENT.............the shirt he was wearing when he fell into his comiatus, it is dirty and covered in feathers.]

This is the shirt I wore out in the forest that I just recently changed from. I'm not forensic expert obviously, but if examined, you'd find traces of the turkey on this. Not because I helped carry it back, no--only traces would be found on my back and the shoulder. But instead, it was contaminated when the turkey fell on top of me, still alive!

Therefor, that is proof that whatever actions I took were of self defense, and this was not a murder done in cold blood!!

. . .

Also we're not actually in court!!

[SLAMS HANDS AGAINST TABLE AGAIN. it's for dramatic effect. also, he isn't suppressing his shit-eating grin anymore]

Wrong! This is space court. And there's a perfectly good and simple explanation as to why traces of the turkey would only be found on your back.

[pauses. again, for dramatic effect]

It's because you were wearing the shirt on backwards at the time of the murder.

[AND YET, APOLLO CAN'T HELP BUT TAKE IT SUPER SERIOUSLY]

--huh?! What kind of bogus argument is that?! [STOCK HEADSHAKE ANIMATION]

While I won't deny it is a possibility, though a farfetched one, can you prove I was? After all, a backwards shirt is a pain to wear and get off at times, and there's no way I could have predicted nearly getting crushed by turkey dinner!

[Edgeworth finger shaking animation!! although he's adding a wink to it b/c he can]

Let me answer your question with a question of my own: does that shirt have a tag?

[SQUINTS what is this prose--kid, up to!!]

Of course it has a tag, how else would I be able to label it? [PRESENTS]

[aha! his expression lights up]

There's your evidence! Tags are usually how you tell if your shirt is on backwards or not, right? But if a shirt doesn't have a tag, then it's really easy to mistake the front of the shirt for the back of the shirt.

I think if you examine the stitches around that tag, you'll find that it was added after the fact! In other words. . . you doctored the evidence to make it seem like traces of the turkey were on the back of the shirt, when they're really on the front!

[spoilers: THIS IS ALL BULLSHIT AND HE KNOWS IT]

OBJECTI--............wait.

Did you just accuse me of forging evidence?? In space?

[oh my god]

. . .

You're making all of this up on the fly, aren't you?

I dunno what you're talking about.

[said with faux gravity]

This is a very serious matter and I would never make stuff like this up on the fly.

Are you even an attorney?!

[he's 18 Apollo, wtf do you think]

Of course I am. And I'm insulted you'd question my credentials so openly.

Edited 2016-12-03 03:25 (UTC)

[Remember how Fran, Klav, and Athena started out at 13, 17, and 18!!]

Oh really.

[DESK SLAM.]

Let's see your badge!

[reaches into his pocket, pulls out something, and slams it against the camera feed. BAM]

[. . .]

[it's a close up shot of the Jack of Clubs playing card]

Believe me now?

......................

[Kaito likely can't see the face apollo is making due to said card.]

Yes, absolutely. Truly, you're a jack of all trades.

I can't believe I just debated this.

[laughs as he pulls the card away and spins it around his fingers. one second, its there. the next second, it disappears into thin air]

Heh! It was way too easy. You sure got a lot of energy, Spiky.