text/action

[hijackass]

Who: Handsome Jack and you, cupcake
Broadcast: text
Action: all Fleet-owned vessels
When: Now

H̴̘̜ͥ͒e̲̤̔͡y̳̮͂͒͆̎̕!̳̺̱ ̣͉̰͔̭̼̄́͗H̴̩͆e̽̏ͦ͗͡y̘͈͕̻̮̟̗ͤ͝ ̽͗͏͕̼i̬̻s̜̼̜̈̋̊̑́ ̢̞̖͋̓ͅt̤̟̙͜h̘͎̪͓̗̤͗͗̈́̈́̑ͅḯ̖͈̞̖̼̰̞̾ͬͥ̃̄͘s̱͔ͬ̆̀͌ ̛̬̊̓͗̈́t̡̍͌̅̎̋̈̊h̶͍̲̎̌̔͊ͩ̚i͕͕̪ͅn͉̮̞̠ͪg̨ͤ̃ͭ ̗͇̆͆ó͊n̗̰̲̠̲̦̏̅̓̿̾͋?̼̼͍͙͕̠̼̃̍ͤ̈͑̈́̂͟ ̤̫̜̯̝̦̒͐̐̐ ͉̪͛̇̑ͥͥͧG̵̖̙̮̜͈ͨ̋ͨ͌ȏ̬̟͇̜͎̬̈́͐̈̂̅̈́d͖̯̬̈̈́ͧ̚ ̫͂ͬ̾ͯ̉ͅt̰͉̗̜́ͯ͒ͫͩh̗̑͑ͨͧ̽͋͘iͧ͂̂͏̱s̯̦̞̹͍̋ͫ͒ͬ̔ ̪̦̬̠̣̞̈́̓͡c̖̠̰̥̎̃͟ȑ̘̟͚̘̜̥͋̿̈ͮͅâ̹̦͎͖͔̻̻ͮp̿ ͖̑͜i̝ͨ̋̄ͨͩ͘s̝͜ ̧̬̠̒̈́̌̓̂͛a̋̿̅̚n͚ͦ͆̽̂̍ͮͫḉ̐͌ͥ̒ͬ̚i̳̤͌ͬė͑ͪ̃ͭ̚̚҉̼͚̙͉̻ͅn̫͙͓̞̹͒̒͛ͪͥ̚t̬̫͕͖̥̓̿͗ͨͨ.ͧ̑͂̽ͬ̽͏̟͍͕ ̸͓̺̝̬͒ͯ̾.

Lͨ͛̈͒̎̒emͤ̇͝m͛e͂̈͒ ̿ͦjͭ̿͠u̓ͭ͢s҉t̨--ahh that's it there we go. Hey kiddos. Handsome Jack here. I know I know, the Hero, the Legend, here in the digitized flesh or whatever! Totally missed all you peons while I was doing the whole "dead" thing and all that, super-stoked to be back lemme tell ya.

So yeah. Just a quick quesh for you guys:

Where the hell is Rhys.

I mean not that I'm terribly attached to the guy [ HAhaaaaa the jokes. Get it, because before this he was stuck in that loser's brain????? ] but sorta weird to go from hanging with my best meatbuddy to whsht, back in a space station. Sssoooo if one of you kiddos could do uncle Jack a solid there I'd really appreciate it. Like so much I might not even vent all the air in your stupid little ships!

That's a joke! It's a joke, haha! We're having fun. This is fun.





Nah it's totally the truth. Still fun though!

[ So that's....yeah. That's Jack. In a measurably good mood??? A little disoriented sure but hey! It's a jarring experience to go from living in some loser's head to suddenly being uploaded into network. Totally killer (haaaaa) but also jarring. He's getting used to it. Which means even if your character isn't on the network? Jack's going to be working his ways through the systems any way he can to peek and pry around. For members of the Golden this manifests as glitch-riddled access panels and weird random texts full of gibberish and code...and the odd door slamming itself shut in your face. Or refusing to open at all.

Members of other ships will find themselves harassed in other forms! a.k.a Jack's just going to stalk them, see what they're doing, and then start offering super-helpful commentary on it. You're welcome. ]

Comments

text;

[notanoptimist]

That's your idea of fun? Personally I'm a fan of bar-hopping. Same thrill, less death.

text;

[hijackass]

[ Hahaa, this guy. He has to hop bars because he doesn't own like thirty of his own. ]

I dunno I feel like the two kinda go hand-in-hand? The boozing and the death I mean. Psychos back home know what I'm talking about.

text;

[notanoptimist]

You have a few screws loose, don'tcha? I can help with that.

Golden

[hot4engines]

[Kaylee was in a happy mood. She was getting new shipmates, so the place would feel a little less lonely without it being just her, Tempest, Takeshi and Maggie. However, as she went to the bridge to check and see if they'd arrived yet, she suddenly found the bridge door slamming shut in her face.]

What the hell...? [And then when her communicator vibrated with a text, she looked down on it to find a bunch of nonsense.]

[hijackass]

[ Hahaha, oh god that actually worked perfectly? I mean yeah he might've been trying to catch her in the door but this also sorta works. Kid just has no idea what's going on with it and you know what, why not: Jack's going to have some fun here.

An encoded "system" message pops up: ]

Password: _

[hot4engines]

... password? They ain't never asked me for no password. Someone prankin' me?

[She typed "serenity", just in case. Because, while she couldn't remember setting a password, that would be the first thing she'd try.]

Action!

[aigue]

[Renart is pretty good at disregarding most network posts, this being no exception. Some loser looking for some other loser, who cares? She's too busy moping to be smarmy.

Moping in foxmode in a small nest of blankets and pillows she's managed to acquire. It's definitely a work in progress but it's big enough to house one small black fox with her tail sticking out.]

[hijackass]

[ Soooo this is something Jack hasn't seen in a long time: actual wildlife that doesn't want to kill you immediately upon sight. It's practically nonexistent on Pandora (actually no even those weird spores explode so never mind), and seeing some of it just lying around here in the middle of space is weird.

Not a bad weird, just the general sort. But it's intriguing enough that Jack flickers into existence, arms akimbo as he walks across the room, visibly peering down into that pile of blankets. ]

God, who's the idiot that brought a fox of all things into space? Like that isn't going to get torn apart the moment you step down planetside. [ SCOFF. Roll of his eyes. Why is everyone an idiot his life is so hard. ]

[aigue]

[What is super Not Fun is random ass people making their way into her room, even though she didn't hear footsteps or the door opening or anything like that. Teleporting, maybe.

Teleporters are jerks.]

Wouldn't that be unfortunate.

[Her tail twitches and she buries herself further in the blankets.]

text

[robitussin]

1. i have literally never heard of you

2. what the fuck are you talking about, in general

text

[hijackass]

Me? Basically? Like what else would you want to talk about am I right? Haha.

But yeah I guess Rhys is in there too somewhere. Ya seen him around anywhere sweetcheeks?

text

[robitussin]

call me that again and you'll regret it

[probably not, but.]

haven't heard of anyone here with that name. might want to get used to getting by without him

[ text ]

[precedented]

[ Now this was interesting. A sentient hologram, trapped within the ship systems. ]

Surely you'd prefer the ships to meat buddies.

[ text ]

[hijackass]

[ To be fair he hasn't actually appeared as a hologram yet. That is a handy thing he is saving for....as long as it takes him to go bother Renart I guess LMAO so not long at all. ]

Well yeah no contest there I mean, kid wasn't exactly a full deck in the brains department. But he had his uses. Kinda. Could take a hit real good, haha that's for sure.

[ Seriously the amount of times Rhys has taken a blow to the noggin is incredible ]

Re: [ text ]

[precedented]

Of course. But everything has uses. What made his better than most?

text

[ecclesiophobic]

Act a little less like a car salesman and someone will help you find your boyfriend.

text

[hijackass]

Whhhoaaaaa, hahaha! Ohhhh, oh man--I was just. Man I was gonna have some crazy reply to that but then I looked at you at just. Haha! What the hell's is up with you kiddo??? You're a friggin' blueberry! Please tell me you were dropped in radioactive chemicals or something.

text

[ecclesiophobic]

Evolution and good breeding, which is more than can be said for you if you think you're original or hilarious. Do delusions like that run in the family?

action;

[ahappylie]

[He'd only just arrived and was reeeeally still very confused despite reading up on what he could find on the network. But because the 1860s didn't exact prepare him for being tossed into space with an implant in his head and, you know, pants, he's having an awkward time.

Made all the more awkward by the fact that he arrives on the Golden about the time that things go haywire. Fanfare, confetti and now a door slamming shut in his face while he's trapped in the bathroom.

How fun.]

Well.

[He picks some paper from his hair and looks around, pressing his hand against the door to see if it'll budge. Nope.

A little harder shove? Nope.

But oh! There's a message on his communicator...thingy. How the heck does he do this?]

Hello?

[hijackass]

[ No okay so this? This just made Jack's whole goddamn day. This is classic, hilarious even--he can't believe he can totally just lock people in the bathroom, that's like. That's awesome??? Oh man the only thing that would make this better is fi the bathroom had an airlock or something. God.

He files that away under "changes to be made on this ship like yesterday."

And then turns out all the lights in the bathroom, just because he can. ]

action;

[hot4engines]

[Kaylee heard the voice calling from behind the bathroom door. It was unfamiliar, but she knocked anyway.]

Hey- let me see if I can help you out of there.

action

[spacebro]

[Mon-El is thrilled to be off of the Marsiva and after a quick scouting of the Golden, not very interested in it either. There's the Iskaulit, but from what he's heard the hotel is the place to be. He just needs to get to a shuttle. Why isn't this door opening.]

Uh, open? [He tries knocking in confusion.]

[hijackass]

Nnnope! Not the password. Try again though! [ Hello this is your custom Handsome A.I. speaking, on behalf of Hyperion we hope you enjoy your day!

Because yes Jack is totally projecting his voice through the overhead speakers and keeping that door shut. Just because he can. ]

1/3

[throwsdown]

[Takeshi is standing patiently, trying to make a door work on the SS Golden.

....

....

....

WHO THE FUCK LOCKED THIS DOOR FROM THE OUTSIDE.]

2/3

[throwsdown]

[......................................]