Mingle Post for Solace

[reflectedblight]

Who: EVERYONE
Broadcast: N/A
Action: On Solace
When: Second half of January

[Start your own headers, fix ships, buy stuff, get on those hoverboards, whatever!]

Comments

[beathach]

[it isn't all that strange. He's pretty reserved about what he says to and around Erik, if only because he knows some topics are sensitive or just plain off limits.

He takes off his glasses and rubs at his temple]

I'm pretty sure everything else he feels outweighs that.

[exothermia]

That doesn't excuse him.

[beathach]

No, it doesn't.

But that's the thing - he cares too much, and I think you know that better than any of us. But he's a damn hypocrite at the same time, because getting him to talk about how he feels is almost impossible.

Maybe I'm missing something, or maybe there's more to this that you aren't saying, but - the way I see it is, if he oversteps, tell him before it ends up like this again. Surely he's done the same to you.

[exothermia]

[If Erik glowers, it's only half at Hank's words. He hasn't explained the real root of his frustration, instead talking around it until it seemed to refer to something else. What counts now is whether he wants to explain it any further. It makes his stomach twist because it's not something that comes easily to him... and Charles's actions had reinforced his belief that it's a bad idea to do so.]

It's not about him asking. It's about how he reacted last time I did tell him about how I felt.

[beathach]

[well . . . he was right about there being more to it. He frowns, head tilting a bit]

How did he react the last time?

[exothermia]

[He taps his spoon... then bends it solidly in half.]

When he heard what I had to say he assumed things that he shouldn't have. He resented what I felt. And I know this because he showed me later.

[Charles had also apologised. It didn't relieve the burn of experiencing the memory, feeling all of Charles's pain and self-doubt that he had twisted Erik's words to fit.]

[beathach]

[that makes more sense, and understanding crosses his features for a moment before he sighs, reaching up to rub at the bridge of his nose]

And you were afraid it would happen again.

["afraid" may not be the right word, but as far as the saying goes and so forth]

I'm sorry.

[exothermia]

[Afraid, yes. It all comes back to fear, and that's what Charles had belittled.]

How am I meant to believe it won't happen again? He kept it to himself until he felt bad enough that he had to admit it.

[beathach]

[Charles keeping things to himself? That isn't a surprise. He rubs the back of his neck as he searches for the right way to say what he wants to]

Of course he did, he keeps everything to himself until he can't anymore. [he looks sympathetic for a moment, before he huffs quietly]

I can't say it will or it won't, Erik, I wish I could. But I think . . . [and this is getting in dangerous territory, he knows, but he pushes on] You shouldn't let that keep you from talking about how you feel with him. For your sake, not his.

If it happens again . . . did you two talk it out at all? Or - at least try to?

[exothermia]

[He presses his lips together, though it's somewhat relieving to know he's not being unreasonable about this. Even if he hates the way it makes him feel.]

It was discussed at the time.

[Which is not the best time to talk it out, when emotions are high and trust fractured.]

I haven't mentioned it since.

[beathach]

Maybe you should.

[he holds up a hand before Erik can respond] Not now, of course. Give it a few days, so you've had some time to yourself to figure out what you want to say and how, and . . . you've had time to be a little less upset about it.

[exothermia]

[His response is a low grunt. He knows it needs to be discussed. The problem is exactly what Hank is suggesting: finding a way to say things that won't blow up in their faces. It stings that he spent so long struggling to find the words to explain to Charles how his fear had made him left, only for Charles to minimise it and make him sound like a coward.]

That may take a while.

[beathach]

Mm, well. I wouldn't expect it to happen right away.

Just don't leave it for too long.

[exothermia]

[He's a bit gruff.]

Don't worry. I won't take ten years.

[Everyone is a bit tired of that span of time.]

[beathach]

Ha ha. I'm glad you still have your sense of humor.

[even if that isn't funny at all, gosh Erik]

[exothermia]

[Their ideas of humour have never aligned. Erik just huffs, and finishes off his coffee. This was exhausting, but he can't deny it's been a relief to be able to talk about it. It hasn't alleviated all of the hurt, no. Yet one of his strongest memories of that night was going back to his hotel room after leaving Charles, shutting himself in there and feeling ever more strongly Magda's absence.

Because he would have been able to talk to her. She would have listened.

He's tired of feeling wretched. More than that, he's tired of trying to avoid topics for the sake of others, out of some nameless fear that no one cares or will hear him. Crossing that bridge is something he'll need to do.]

[beathach]

[Hank doesn't know how Erik feels, but the fact that he brought this up at all says a lot, he thinks. It makes him worry about both of his friends, but Erik more than usual. If only because he understands that Erik has gone through a lot that he's still dealing with. Not that Charles hasn't either, but - Charles didn't lose a family.

He sighs to himself. It's never easy or simple or peaceful, is it?]

I didn't have any plans today, other than your call - did you want to see if we could find those parts you mentioned earlier?

[exothermia]

...I suppose.

[Erik had no plans either, other than scoping out the hospital.]