Iskaulit mingle

[lord_wizard]

Who: Anyone!
Broadcast: No
Action: Iskaulit
When: Feb. Drift Week (and beyond?)

[The fleet, more or less patched up after their battle, has once again left civilization behind for empty space. Maybe it's a good time to distract yourself and get away from the endless repairs and nothingness, though there might still be cleaning up that needs to be done here too.

Whether you're grabbing a broom or grabbing a drink, this is a fleetwide mingle for the Iskaulit.]

Comments

[axiomed]

I know. I just — [ He stops, pursing his lips. It feels stupid right now, when they're both reeling from loss. But Erik is asleep and Charles is scared. Change happens, people change. He's seen years of it happen, both slowly and fast, like a kaleidoscope of memories. ] — Remember that?

I don't want to lose this.

[reconstitution]

[ It would be hard for him to forget that he's got Charles. Unless something makes him forget.. He doesn't want to think about that very likely possibility- especially with the frequency of glitches in the fleet lately.. ]

You're one of the only ones left.

[ The ones that he keeps closest to his heart, who he allows to see him in moments like this where his expressions aren't controlled. Winter can count on one hand how many of those he's got left. Charles is probably the one he trusts the most right now with his head and the fraying pieces of his heart. ]

[axiomed]

I'm not going anywhere.

[ Though he knows that's not much of a helpful (or hopeful) statement, Charles does believe voicing thoughts give them power. Strength. They're both stumbling right now, trying to bridge the yawning gap between them. ]

[reconstitution]

Not sure what I would do if you did.

[ Fuck, he wouldn't know what he'd do if Erik left, either. His constants are slowly blinking out of the fleet and it leaves Winter with the distinct feeling of being on a ledge. Any breeze might knock him over.

Pieces of this person he's been cultivating for nearly two years are being chipped away, left festering by the absences. ]

[axiomed]

[ He can hear it ticking away and he reaches out to squeeze Winter's shoulder. ]

You really don't, do you?

[ Softly, like his heart is breaking. ]

Oh, Winter.

[reconstitution]

[ People that are on his side back home don't know the person he's become here. Not the way Charles does- or how Wrath did. They try, but they don't get it. ]

Pathetic, I know. [ He knows it is. He should just shoulder it and carry on like a goddamn person. ]

[axiomed]

[ He shakes his head. Pathetic isn't the word he'd ever use and even then, he doesn't believe it. Recovering a person-hood isn't that simple. All Charles did was release the bonds of a program. He couldn't fix Winter, piece him together fully. And they both knew that. ]

No. Never.

[reconstitution]

[ Part of his problem is that he knows that he makes these connections and latches too tightly onto them. It's times like this that he's reminded why this is a bad idea. He can't regret it, but the burn stings. ]

..I hope she's okay.

[axiomed]

[ He brushes Winter's hair back lightly. ]

I told her to go to my world. If she found a way, she'll be fine.

[reconstitution]

Then I hope she's terrorizing your students and not in her world.

[ That's all they can really do since they don't know for sure what happens. Winter would like to think that she made it there. It beats the harsh realities, at least. ]

[axiomed]

[ Charles musters up a smile. ]

I'm sure that the students can equal terrors back.

[reconstitution]

..She'd like that a lot.

[axiomed]

She would.

[ He breathes out quietly. ]

Do you need anything?

[reconstitution]

[ He shakes his head automatically. ]

I don't know what it would be.

[axiomed]

If anything comes to mind, let me know?

[reconstitution]

I'll try.

[ Which is Winter for I will shove everything deep in my chest and not let it out once this moment is done. Easier said than done, of course. It will weigh on him for a while and then he'll cave and seek Charles out. ]

[axiomed]

[ Charles huffs. ]

I suppose I can't talk. I'm not much better.

[ Nothing like a trip to the future to be told how afraid he is of his own pain, that it drowned out his ability to fully express it at times. ]

[reconstitution]

I will if you will.

[ If anything, keeping each other accountable for it might be the only way it will work. ]

[axiomed]

[ Charles lapses into silence, looking down at his glass. He comes back to drinking even he knows he shouldn't. It's a vice he's curbed but never fully gotten rid of and the mass of self-loathing and fear is tangled in a knot. ]

I'll try, certainly.

[reconstitution]

[ Winter nods. It's about all he can do, and he'll take whatever he can get. It's hard for the pair of them in her absence.

He'll sit quietly until Charles is finished, he doesn't really feel like going back to the ship or getting lost in his normal vices when something is troubling him. ]

[axiomed]

[ Finally he drops the glass in disgust. ]

I'm done here. Shall we go?

[reconstitution]

We can.

[ He stands and waits for Charles, trailing behind him. ]

[axiomed]

[ He drums his fingers against the arm rest. The alcohol helps. It dulls the mind and the senses. The overwhelming need to feel, to reach out isn't as strong. For Charles, it's the closest thing to silence he can reach for. ]

What do you want to do?

[reconstitution]

I.. [ He stops himself from saying he doesn't know. It feels like he doesn't, but at the very least.. ]

I'm not ready to go back to the Heron.

[ It's too quiet right now and he doesn't think sitting still for long will yield any favorable result. ]

[axiomed]

[ His expression softens. ]

That's fair. We could . . . go to the gardens. Or the library.