driftfleet | 3. Unicorn Mea-Tina

Who: Tina Belcher and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Paisley
When: March 2nd

[Tina is humming a small tune to herself when she turns on the broadcast; there's a crate on the floor of the Paisley's cargo bay labeled "TINA BELCHER" on the floor, which she displays before turning the camera on herself.]

Uhm, I found this on my ship this morning and I assume it's one of those sponsor gifts so I thought I'd do a little unboxing video since it's my first one. I wonder what's inside? Let's find out.

[She resumes humming as she opens up the crate. There's a stack of cans inside, which from the top look rather like cans of Spam.]

... did they really send me a bunch of Spam? I'm not sure I'm going to eat any of it, but okay... [Frowning, she picks up one of the cans, then lets out a horrified gasp, for the label reads-]

CANNED UNICORN MEAT?? Who would... why would...

[The groan that issues from her mouth before she cuts off the broadcast can probably be heard throughout the ship. Sorry, Paisley.

If she or any of the crew ends up actually opening the cans, some of them will have plush unicorns inside, like the linked product, while others will have Floot Brand Potted Meat Food. It's labeled as being halal, but does it contain actual unicorn? The world may never know~]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Tina. I've loved horses ever since I was a baby.

Tina, I'm Sam.

And... A baby, huh? Sounds like you figured yourself out pretty quickly.

Good to meet you.

My dad has a picture of me riding on a carousel as a baby. I looked pretty happy, even though the carousel horse has a huge growth or something on his neck. I named him Mr. Goiter later on.

[Snerk.]

Mr. Goiter still going strong?

The carousel got torn down. I tried to save him- well, my sister did, anyway, by bike-locking me to him- but the workers just cut me loose, so it didn't work. I got to keep Mr. Goiter's head, at least.

[child you are too much]

... Wow, you do like horses. Did you have any imaginary friend ones?

Mmhmm. His name is Jericho. [There's 100% sincerity there.]

[He smiles.]

Oh, yeah? Mine's Sully. Got to see him again recently; it was a, uh, nice surprise.

What's this Jericho like?

We were stranded on a desert island together, and I was the only person who could tame him. Now we're good friends and I talk to him about my problems sometimes.

Wow, wait. How the heck did you end up on a desert island?

Well, it wasn't real, of course. Just in my imagination.

[He shrugs, smiling.]

I don't know. Your imaginary friend might not be so imaginary.

He could be a zanna.

[That gets a confused headtilt.]

... a what?

A zanna — basically, what imaginary friends are. They're guardians to children and come to help them when they're in need of advice or guidance. They can be seen by whoever they want, so they're often invisible to everyone but kids.

Oh! I've never heard of anything like that. Jericho's only visible to me... my siblings have never seen him.

Oh, yeah? Maybe they didn't need an imaginary friend at the time.

My brother never saw mine, and he was 13.

... that could very well be it, actually. Louise is too grounded in reality, and Gene... well, Gene's more focused on Earthly stuff like food and making fart noises on his keyboard.

... I'm kind of surprised Gene doesn't have one, then.

You the middle kid, or the oldest, or...?

His head IS in the clouds a lot, but he's mostly thinking about food. And food isn't imaginary.

I'm the oldest. I'm 13, Gene's 11 and Louise is 9.

[A new teenager. That suddenly puts a lot into perspective.

Sam was running into haunted homes and being thrown into shit at her age. Crazy.]

You've got yourself a pretty full house then.

Just a bit. It's more cozy that way, though, especially because they're my best friends.

3. Unicorn Mea-Tina

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