driftfleet | 3. Unicorn Mea-Tina

Who: Tina Belcher and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Paisley
When: March 2nd

[Tina is humming a small tune to herself when she turns on the broadcast; there's a crate on the floor of the Paisley's cargo bay labeled "TINA BELCHER" on the floor, which she displays before turning the camera on herself.]

Uhm, I found this on my ship this morning and I assume it's one of those sponsor gifts so I thought I'd do a little unboxing video since it's my first one. I wonder what's inside? Let's find out.

[She resumes humming as she opens up the crate. There's a stack of cans inside, which from the top look rather like cans of Spam.]

... did they really send me a bunch of Spam? I'm not sure I'm going to eat any of it, but okay... [Frowning, she picks up one of the cans, then lets out a horrified gasp, for the label reads-]

CANNED UNICORN MEAT?? Who would... why would...

[The groan that issues from her mouth before she cuts off the broadcast can probably be heard throughout the ship. Sorry, Paisley.

If she or any of the crew ends up actually opening the cans, some of them will have plush unicorns inside, like the linked product, while others will have Floot Brand Potted Meat Food. It's labeled as being halal, but does it contain actual unicorn? The world may never know~]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, yeah, I would. I'm kind of afraid to touch it now, though, let alone cook it.

Come on, surely it wouldn't be that bad...

[It's his turn to groan.]

I'm a little busy at the moment, but I'll take a look at it later. If you want.

I'd appreciate it. I mean, I guess they wouldn't give me something like this if it was going to, like, seriously hurt someone. Would they?

I'd sure hope not. Atroma's supposed to value our safety above all else.

Then maybe if it IS cursed it's something harmless. Like you're cursed to stub your toe at random when you go through a door, or to take cold showers for a month.

Potentially. You never know with Atroma - so uh, who told you it was cursed?

Allen. He said his ex once killed a unicorn and it cursed a whole kingdom.

[ . . . . ]

Allen, huh. [Dammit, bro. Stefan's going to have Words with him later.] Okay, look - if the meat really were cursed, it wouldn't be your fault. Or Kirito's. Neither of you were responsible.

I'm sure he was just trying to be helpful.

True, but I still don't want anybody to be cursed to begin with. Whether or not it's really my fault.

They won't be. Look, Allen's experiences are 110% real, but they're nowhere near "normal" either.

If he lived in a place with cursed unicorns... yeah, I'd believe it. I haven't met many people here who've lived lives I'd see as "normal".

[He laughs,] Okay, I'll bite. What do you think is 'normal?'

[Sheepishly:] Uh, well, my life was ordinary back home. Painfully ordinary. I mean, "normal" for me is going to school then coming home and working, or maybe going to Wonder Wharf or riding bikes. Stuff like that.

Oh. Wow, yeah, that's a life I haven't had in years...

[He sounds almost wistful. Stefan kind of wishes for those times; things were simpler then.]

In high school, I used to help my dad out in his clinic. Filing papers, entering data into his charts, that kind of thing. I thought it was boring at the time, but I kind of miss it now.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I miss the restaurant, and I never thought I would. But then again, it was my family's place, and even if we didn't always have a lot of business, we had each other. Me and Mom and Dad and Gene and Louise... Uncle Teddy was there a lot, too. [And there's a stab of pain in her heart at that, as she thinks of her family, but then admits-] ... But I kinda like it here, too.

Yeah? [He hadn't meant to remind her of home, but there's a bit of hope in his voice - ] What do you like about this place?

[There's a pause before she admits, feeling a little pathetic:] ... everybody's so nice to me. Not that people weren't nice to me back home. Gene and Louise would tease me sometimes but would stick up for me if anybody else did it, and Mom and Dad always supported me, and most of the adults in my life felt like my friends. But people my own age, well. I guess they think I'm weird and they don't go out of their way to hang out with me. Everyone here's been so encouraging and friendly, though, and you and the rest of my crew make me feel like I belong.

Of course you belong. [God, if he ever meets those jerks, he'll teach them a Lesson or three.] That's not even a question - you might've not chosen this place or our crew, but you're one of us now.

Don't ever let anyone else make you think otherwise.

I feel like I definitely lucked out. I could never replace my family, but I like all of you, and all of you like me, and we all have each other. That's helped me deal with being away from my family more than anything.

I'm glad. We shouldn't be replacing your family, anyway, but we're glad to have you along for the ride.

[You can't see it, but she's tearing up a bit.]

Thank you. That means a lot to hear.

Anytime. Now, uh - I've really gotta go, but the minute I get a chance, I'll see what I can do about your meat situation.

Okay. [And she has full confidence that he'll have a good solution.] I left it in the cargo bay.

3. Unicorn Mea-Tina

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