audio.

[delincuente]

[The audio feed rattles to life with a blare of feedback, and the voice that comes through is bright, cherry, and possibly familiar to a few.]

Gooood morning, outer space! I'm pleased to announce that I've just taken over your fleet. You can call me Your Majesty, or Supreme Overlord, or Beyoncé. One of the three. Mom jeans and aerobic dance are officially outlawed, and nothing is allowed to start before noon.

Kay, thanks. Beyoncé out.

Comments

[delincuente]

[Maybe the Fleet has just sucked the soul right out of him. This is kind of depressing, honestly.]

Still Alex. You're crew, and that's sort of like family.

[reek]

[ His soul was almost sucked out of him by the Fleet when Asha and Jojen were around, but he didn't reach rock bottom until he left for a short time. Rock bottom has a name, by the way. It's Ramsay Bolton. ]

Is it?

[ God, his flat tone must be so depressing. ]

Why have they brought you back, then? They couldn't find anyone more interesting?

[delincuente]

I was causing enough trouble back home. Negotiations happened, and they pulled me back here to destroy something else for a change.

[I mean, she did sort of blow up her high school. It's not a total lie.]

[reek]

[ Okay, so now she can't ever judge him for what happened in Winterfell, got it. ]

How wise of them.

[ S a r c a s m ]

[delincuente]

Come on, you know you missed me. Unless they got another irritating-yet-fashionable witch on the ol' Paisley.

[reek]

I didn't have time to miss you.

[ That's kind of depressingly honest. ]

Disappointing, I know.

[delincuente]

... Well, that's cryptic. [She can't figure out if she should ask or not, but, since she's Alex...] What were you busy with? Raising a barn somewhere? Churning butter?

[reek]

I've been told that it's called "a mental breakdown".

[ His tone is still dull, but there's something oddly nonchalant about how he can own up to it now. It seems so insignificant, after all that's happened. ]

Ask Kirito.

[ Poor Kirito. He had to do all the repair work after Theon destroyed most of the appliances in the kitchen. ]

I returned home not long afterwards.

[delincuente]

[The record scratch double-take is almost palpable.]

Wait, what? What happened, dude?

[reek]

I learned of some things that were going to happen to me back home. Then I experienced them first hand.

[ THEON. STOP BEING SO NONCHALANT. ]

[delincuente]

[The concern on her face now is real and open.]

... What kind of things?

[reek]

It's easier to show you.

[ He switches from voice to video and there he is in all his glory: snow white hair, tired eyes, broken teeth and missing fingers. He looks better than he did a few months ago, but that's not saying a lot. He smirks, but not out of cruelty. ]

Don't cry. I can't stand it when women cry.

[delincuente]

[She doesn't cry - she isn't a crier, not in all but the most helpless situations. Instead, her expression shifts through deep concern, confused sorrow, and then into a raw, slowly blooming anger.]

Okay, who the hell do I have to beat up?

[A laughable threat, but it's not empty - if she met Ramsay Bolton, she would absolutely throw down with him.

Or attempt to.]

[reek]

[ That’s part of the joke, really. He knows Alex is cut more from the same cloth as Asha. Asha hadn’t cried when she saw him, but she looked as if she might. That much probably had more to do with being one of her last remaining family members than anything else.

He chuckles, but takes care to cover his teeth. It's still something he needs to have fixed. ]

You may be one of the few people to frighten him. He doesn't fear much.

[delincuente]

You bet your ass I would.

[She'd turn him into a box of cereal and then set him on fire. And that's just her first idea.]

Look, man, I know we piss each other off, but you're my crew, and I meant what I said about family. He ever shows his face here, you let me know first.

[reek]

[ He might pay to see that, but he isn’t so certain that he can handle seeing Ramsay’s face again. He’s done a lot of healing, but there are some wounds that can easily open once more. ]

You’re not on the Paisley. I’m not your crew.

[ He smirks, as if it’s the funniest thing in the world. He’s still an ass, but he’s not completely unruly anymore. He still uses that smirk as something he can hold onto when he doesn't want to show too much weakness. ]

Perhaps a very distant family.

[delincuente]

Jokes on you, I already put in my transfer.

[But her usual jeering tone is lightened - she knows Theon would resent any different treatment from his crew, but she feels none of her usual desire to mock him right now.]

[reek]

Just when I thought we were finally rid of you.

[ the joke is always on him. ]

[delincuente]

I know, I'm like a virus.

[Which is apparently hilarious to her, as she laughs right along.]

[reek]

You are.

[ He’s not even about to argue with that. Why argue against the truth? ]

Do you intend to steal captainship from Stefan now?

[ Again, he smirks. See, Alex? He can be missing all sorts of body parts and still manage to joke. ]

[delincuente]

[A tiny snort-laugh.]

No. He can have it. I'm tired.

[A lie. She just doesn't want to take something he deserves so much.]