driftfleet | Bishop Mingle!

[ for a split second, tadashi is alarmed when he hears the footsteps and spots the rapidly approaching blur, but then hiro is there and hugging him with a desperation that makes his throat threaten to close up.

well.

at least they'd put him on the right ship. ]

Hey, Hiro.

[ he's quiet, returning the hug and sort of bumping his face against the top of his little brother's hair. his stomach is heavy, and he wonders if it's the dread or a side-effect of the transportation. please let it just be a side-effect of the transportation.

finally, giving him a little squeeze, he murmurs: ]

Rule 221: Hamada brothers don't break each others' ribs.

[He loosens his grip, fine.

[But sorry, bro, he takes another couple seconds to actually let go. Then he's... well, wiping at his eyes. He's not sobbing like a baby like before, but he's definitely tearing up again, and he's trying to hide it.]

... They gave you the right ship.

[He doesn't know how to tell him. How do you tell the only family you can remember losing that you lost him?]

Yeah. I noticed.

[ his tone isn't scornful or mocking - tadashi is instead just faintly agreeing, because he's too wrapped up in trying to puzzle out what could possibly have upset hiro so much.

there are a dozen possibilities, and it turns out that tadashi doesn't actually enjoying entertaining the thought of any of them. he drops one hand to hiro's shoulder, seizing it gently. ]

I think we need to talk, little brother.

[ because he doesn't know if he can handle being in the dark any longer. ]

[He looks up at Tadashi, studying his face for several seconds before he takes a deep breath and nods.]

Okay...

[He turns, looking around him before he looks at the door. The library is probably the best place to do this. Quiet, with comfortable seating and less chance of anyone coming in. He'd been organizing some things for the computer system in there; no one was there a minute ago...

[So that's where he leads Tadashi now, motioning for him to follow.]

[ and follow he does, but he drops his hand to hiro's shoulder again from behind. letting him lead, and also subtly sort of anchoring himself to him, making sure he doesn't drift away and force them to repeat this agonizing week. ]

Glad I didn't have to build the rocket boots.

[Hiro appreciates it, silently, in the way he gets a little less tense as he walks. Not much, though. Tadashi is here, it's guaranteed that he's actually here, but...]

I wouldn't have let you use 'em even if you had.

[He says like he's the one in charge between them. There's less play in that tone than there should be. He leads them into the library and brings them around to the chairs, though he doesn't sit down. He's anxious, tapping his index finger against his thigh as he thinks about what he's about to have to say.]

[ and tadashi isn't oblivious to that.

he doesn't sit either, and instead just braces his hands on the back of one of the chairs, leaning forward. okay. this bandaid needs to be ripped off and fast. ]

Hiro. Just spill it. Please. This has been killing me for a week.

[ how can he fix what's wrong with you? ]

[He doesn't make eye contact right away because he knows the look that's waiting for him. He taps his thigh a little harder, a little faster, while he swallows back the wave of nostalgic pain.

[And when he does look up, he has to take a bit longer, because he's forgotten how to speak. But then he sees Tadashi in his mind, back at the expo, mouthing the word "breathe", and he takes a breath with the memory that's so much sharper now than it was a week ago.]

Callaghan made it out of the fire.

[His voice sounds incredibly forced. His eyebrows knit together, though, and the tears start to well up. The second time he tries to speak, it doesn't come out so even.]

You.... didn't.

[ this is the nightmare that had flashed in the forefront of his mind when he'd first woken up here. he'd rushed into the building one moment and then the next - he somewhere new, in space, with a new goal and new knowledge and surely he had to be dead, right? this was some bizarre version of the afterlife, some weird game he'd been committed to playing against his will?

except he wasn't, he was still living and breathing and talking and existing, and he's pretty sure that's not the sort of thing dead people did. he had dismissed that as a possibility almost immediately, because it just wasn't something that could happen to him.

it made for a good nightmare, but it wasn't something that could actually happen. he simply still had too much to do.

he wants to soothe hiro's tears, wants to reach out and pull him over, but his hands are cold and his lips strangely numb right now. definitely just a reaction to the teleportation. had to be, because hiro simply had to be wrong. ]

I'm not -

[ his own voice cracks uncomfortably. he clears his throat, tries again. ]

I'm right here. I'm fine, Hiro.

It's been months, Tadashi. I've got pictures, your hat, Baymax's videos of you, but...

[He has to look down, head shaking slowly, and he raises a hand up to cover his eyes because he's starting to cry again.]

I tried to chase in after you but the building exploded. I knew you could show up here. But back home... You're gone.

[He's definitely crying now, silently at first, but as the moment moves and the weight of his words settles on the room, it brings him to trembling, and his shoulders start shaking.]

Edited (this wording was dumb) 2015-03-16 04:20 (UTC)

[ 'I tried to chase in after you but the building exploded.'

it hits him like a punch to the stomach. he'd gotten himself killed, and he'd almost taken hiro out with him in the process. (but hadn't part of him known all along? maybe he wasn't a genius like hiro, but he was brilliant in his own right, and the way that hiro had cried when he'd first seen him had been grief, pure and unfiltered. hiro had been little more than a toddler when their parents had died, but tadashi will still always recognize that sort of anguish on his face.)

he thinks he might be sick, and means to -- do something. apologize. wipe his tears away. grab him by the shoulders and remind him that he's here now, that he's not going anywhere as long as he can help it.

instead, what he manages is a shaken breath, followed by voice unsteadier than he can ever remember his own being. ]

I wouldn't leave you like that, Hiro. I wouldn't leave you alone.

[ but he knows. it's clear on his face that he knows, that the denial is simply out of shock. ]

Edited 2015-03-16 04:27 (UTC)

It happened, Tadashi!

[Hiro doesn't look up, but his voice raises to a shout so fast he can't stop it.]

I... I know you didn't mean to. You were trying to save Callaghan. Someone had to help...

[He understands that so well now. If Callaghan had been in real trouble, maybe Tadashi would have been able to do something about it, like Hiro had with Abigail.

[Hiro's voice sounds completely withered and barely like his own now, only able to squeeze it out through a slightly higher pitch.]

... B-but it happened...

[ the shift in pitch is what causes his vision to finally refocus. his heart is hammering in his throat and he feels unnaturally short of breath for someone who's been standing still for as long as he has, but he can deal with that later.

tadashi opens his mouth to speak again and finds himself at an absolute loss. there's no fixing this. there's no making it better.

he gives up for now and sort of just pushes the chair in front of him to the side, striding over to grab hiro into another hug. his head is ducked down, grip tight, while guilt and regret war each other for rein over his emotional state. when he manages words again, his voice is hoarse with apology. ]

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

[Hiro can't return the hug at first, just leaning into it, but after that apology, his hands grip the sides of Tadashi's shirt like they're the only thing keeping him on his feet.

[It would be so easy to blame Tadashi for this. It would be so easy to call him stupid. "I told you not to!" "You're such an idiot!" "I was alone without you!" "He didn't deserve to be saved!"

[But he can't. He knows that part of him is childish, that Tadashi did exactly what a hero would have done. His brother died a good man and an inspiration. His death spurred Hiro on to do so much good in the world in so short a time... His voice is muffled in Tadashi's shirt, still shaky and tone uneven.]

I missed you so much...

[ he'd left him alone. he had died and left him alone.

tadashi can feel tears in his own eyes, a product of frustration and terror and a wave of hot anger at himself. how could he have let himself die when he still had so left to do? so much left to see, to say. he takes another breath and then swallows them back, because now isn't the time for that. right now, he has to be strong for hiro, has to make up for all the time he'll never get to be that for him ever again. ]

I'm here now, little brother.

[ it won't ever be enough. he just doesn't know where else he could possibly start. ]

[He can't stop the tears, himself. He didn't cry about this anywhere near as much as he should have when it happened. He shut down from the shock of seeing it, of watching Tadashi disappear in a giant roaring blaze...

[So he lets it out. While Tadashi is here, while he still has him, he lets out all of the mess he's been sitting on for the last several months.

[It'll take him a couple of minutes to finish that.]

[ yeah, tadashi isn't going anywhere, not as long as hiro is crying. it'll give tadashi time to compose himself, too, to throw off the urge to weep with bitter and guilty uselessness.

eventually, eventually, he allows his arms to go slack, and angles himself backwards. the way his hands grip hiro's upper arms seems to suggest he's afraid that he might disappear or float away through his fingers without warning. ]

You're okay. It's okay.

[He releases his shirt with one hand, using it to wipe some of the tears away. Tadashi's shirt is definitely a little wet. He's trying so hard to pull it together, but nothing's been this difficult in... well, a while.

[But it strikes him in the middle of this that there's no point in crying over it now. Crying on Tadashi won't fix it back home. Nothing is going to, and he knows it. He's proud of who he is now, and he wouldn't be that person without Tadashi. He wouldn't be half that person...

[So he sniffs a few more times, hiccups once, and then he shakes his head and forces himself to breathe as evenly as he can.]

... You're right...

[His voice is tense, but far more even than it was before.]

You're here. I figured out you could show up here over a month ago, I... I knew this was possible.

[And now he looks up.]

And I'm not gonna waste it.

Good. You know how much I hate wasting time.

[ it feels like he's slipped into autopilot. he feels oddly distant from himself even as he hears himself speak, and squeezes hiro's arm again, just to reaffirm the fact that he is there and solid and breathing.

a beat, and then tadashi exhales. it's a low breath that nearly causes him to shudder, and his fingers relax; one hand drops down to his own side before the other reaches up to tousle hiro's hair with a measure of gentleness that he usually lacks when harassing his younger brother. ]

So you've been hanging out with Baymax, huh?

[ the shape of his words feel flat in his mouth, and he wonders when his senses will straighten themselves out. he needs to sit down in a quiet room for a while. ]

[He can tell there's a level of space between them right now. It kind of stings... but he's thinking about it, and he decides it'll get better. Tadashi just found out he ran to his death. There's no way he's anywhere near okay. Maybe this conversation will help give him cover to start trying to process.]

Yeah... He's a lot more impressive than I thought he was.

[ there's a space there, but it's born mostly out of tadashi's distance from himself, not from hiro explicitly. that strange out-of-body feeling means that he's operating almost entirely on autopilot now, though, and autopilot is what causes him to lean back slightly and to gently flick the very tip of hiro's nose. it's the same annoying little gesture he's done for as long as he can remember. ]

Oh, and you couldn't figure that out when I showed him to you the first time?

[And Hiro flinches, just like he always has.]

Uh, rude? I was in pain from a vicious duct tape attack.

Hey. Just be glad I didn't do any permanent damage.

[ and another tiny little flick. tadashi will then seat himself more heavily than anticipated into the nearest available seat tyvm. ]

[Hiro picks up on that, too. So he naturally just kind of kicks his foot on his way past to sit in the seat closest by.]

... You know, he downloaded a database on personal loss without me telling him to. Called the whole gang and forced me into a hug.

What? He wasn't -

[ tadashi glances sideways at hiro. brow creased, he looks for all the world like a little of the fog behind his eyes is clearing. ]

I mean, he's supposed to be able to scan neurotransmitter levels, but he isn't supposed to try to treat anything psychological, that's way too complex for -

[ good job, tadashi. this makes 2/2 sentences where you have literally cut yourself off you before you finished speaking. ]

He got them to come hug you? Holy crap. My program is awesome.

Edited 2015-03-16 06:02 (UTC)

(no subject)

everydayhero - 2015-03-16 06:04 (UTC) - Expand