driftfleet | 07

Entry tags:

07 - video

Who: Winn Schott + you = awesome
Broadcast: yup!
Action: Tourist!
When: now!

[ the feed opens with a profile view of a sleeping winn. on his face, you can see an elaborate sharpie painted mustache (courtesy of opal) and from the ceiling right above him hangs a plastic flamingo in a coat and plastic sunglasses (courtesy of cisco).

to anyone who's been by to see him lately, it's a very familiar scene. but seconds into it something that hasn't happened in about two weeks begins to take place - movement. with a soft groan, winn reaches a sluggish hand to his face, shielding his eyes from the light. the hand then seems to decide that scratching above his upper lip is better use of its time and skills. slowly, his eyes blink open, struggling to adjust, to focus.

and then they do. on that flamingo.

he yelps, jumping up in bed, tearing the flamingo off its strings and throws it across the room, where he proceeds to stare at an off frame army of (four) flamingos. rubbing at his temples he mutters just loudly enough to be captured on film ] So Cisco's still here...

[ that seems to remind him of something, and with a sharp move his still sleepy mind can't seem to properly cope with, grabs at the communicator and misses. next attempt brings it into his hand and you finally get a close up of that glorious mustache.

he frowns into the camera ]

Of course it's rolling... [ his voice is raw, lips chapped, and he clears his throat in an attempt to bring back his usual volume ] Hi - Fleeters - if we're still calling ourselves that - Winn Schott here, back to the world of the conscious - if you recognize me check in and tell me how long I've been out - Kitty - you better still be here. [ because unless you call him within the next 10 seconds he's calling you as soon as he cuts this feed and if you're not there he will freak. he rubs at his painted mustache again, not quite realizing what's bothering him, and with a small tired smile fumbles to shut the broadcast off. ]

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[ he doesn't understand that question at all - how could it not be important to him? this guy who's in love with his girlfriend is hanging around her not telling her that he did manage to get her in a future she doesn't remember - that alone is bad enough.

but she could remember that future. he got a reminder of that just now, when he woke up remembering a whole other year of his life. not that he's going to explain that reasoning to pavel - he doesn't want to get his hopes up. he's not giving up on kitty, not until she tells him that's what she wants him to do. ]

She deserves to know. [ it matters. it matters so much. he can feel his heart hurting and he wants to lash out, but kitty wouldn't want him to and that just makes him feel so tired. he did not miss this part of the fleet, that feeling of utter defeat that falls on him whenever he dares to be too happy.

he doesn't have it in him to say any more without snapping, so he doesn't. ]

[In Chekov's mind, he didn't get her. They were together, but not the same way that Kitty and Winn are together. She couldn't even say that she loved him outside of that twenty-year glitch where they thought they had been married for seventeen of those years.]

Okay. The next time I see her, she will know... but I think that she realizes it. [She must, even if she hasn't consciously concluded that they were a couple. He didn't outright say hey Kitty, I know you don't remember this but we were dating, but he told her that they had blue bands. In the prison, that was permission to have sex. (Not that they ever got there. They were more symbolic than anything else because he was stupid and wanted to wait.)]

Winn, she doesn't love me. She never did. She never will. [As much as it hurts to admit it out loud to the person she does love, it feels necessary to spell this out. It's oddly cathartic, too.]

Edited 2017-03-19 22:30 (UTC)

[ a 17 year long marriage in her mind? yeah, absolutely nothing to be worried about. can he go back to his coma now? being blown up sounds like a less painful way to go than having to endure what would happen to his heart if she wakes up one morning and tell him that she's sorry but chekov is who she wants.

he nods at his agreement - and his stomach churns at the thought of her realizing it and keeping it from him. is this going to be another one of those times where she later tells him I was going to tell you, and he's going to have to accept it and not allow himself to be angry because there's really no way to prove that she wasn't, but still, she didn't?

his next statement doesn't help him any either. he doesn't think kitty would be dating him if she didn't love him at all, if she thought she never could. she wouldn't do that to someone she obviously cares about so much. protecting the people who matter to her means too much to her.

but how can he say that? anything he can say to argue his point or make chekov feel better - makes him feel worse, less secure. ]

I don't know about any of that, [ he finally says when he finds his voice. and he doesn't, this is his first time meeting chekov and he has no idea what kitty's like in the prison, what she's thinking and feeling. he knows he spent months in reid's shadow - he still worries that she compares them even now - and that's here, in a different universe from the man. he can only imagine how much worse it would be with him still around. ] but I do know I love her and she loves me, and that's not going to change. [ he doesn't say it to be cruel. well, he mostly doesn't say it to be cruel, the insecure part of him is enjoying lashing out a little bit. ]

[Yeah, waking up and finding out that Kitty wants someone else isn't that great. Zero stars out of five, would not recommend.

Pavel's trying not to ruin anything or make the situation messier than it inherently is, but it's becoming obvious (even to him, and he's never quick to notice when his help is less than helpful) that he's doing just the opposite. This started out so civil and now he's managed to goad Winn into going for blood. (Verbal blood. No one wants to see two nerds attack each other physically, that would be sad and embarrassing.)]

Yes, I know. I know that. [But by all means, keep telling him. There are still pieces of his heart that haven't been smashed yet.] Since you know this too, why are you upset?

[ actually, jim has been teaching him self defense and bullying him into exercise for most of the year, so a little less embarrassing on this end. ]

Why am I upset? [ his voice goes into a higher register, he's so upset. ] I don't know - could it be because my new crewmate just casually mentioned that he's the future boyfriend of the love of my life? [ he never called kitty anything more than his girlfriend in front of people, but it doesn't seem to do it justice, and he needs pavel to understand what he's dealing with here. girls like kitty...they never go for guys like winn. heck, most of his life it feels like no girls go for him and he was always willing to take whoever showed any interest.

kitty changed that. she loves him in a way he never thought he could be loved, she builds him up. they've discussed marriage when they go back to national city, kids, they're planning out their life together. for the first time in decades, he doesn't feel lonely and it's all thanks to kitty and now this guy comes in and tells him not only can she potentially be taken away from him back to that prison because she already has a future there which, in order to not break the timeline, she has to go back there to live at some point - that future leads to him.

now, if he disappears tomorrow, it's not a vague notion that kitty would move on with someone - chekov is right there under his nose, close by, ready to offer comfort. no wonder he doesn't want time and space, does he even mean to get over her? ]

[Oh, another way in which Winn is better. Cool.

Chekov is a Starfleet officer and an adult and he wants to keep it together and get along, but Winn is being unreasonable. Doesn't he see that he has no reason to be upset? He has Kitty's heart. He has a future with her. She loves him and nothing Pavel does is going to change that. There's no going back to the prison where she could maybe, someday, if he just keeps being patient and present, want him. That's gone. Maybe there's another Pavel Chekov with another Kitty Pryde who will get there eventually, but their paths have diverged. Now Chekov is trapped in this other universe with this stranger who refuses to appreciate his good fortune.]

I'm not her future anything. She loves you, she chose you, she will follow you when we find a way home. Of course she did! Winn Schott is wonderful, everyone says so. [This is escalating quickly. There's not much he can do to stop now.] I'm not a threat to you. I was her second choice, even in the prison. Even if she returned there and remembered--and I doubt that she will, I have seen no evidence that these universes work that way--she would come back here and you would remind her of how superior you are.

[ well that. that is just. jarring. he knows the place chekov is talking from, he knows it so well - but he's never been on the other side of it before. it's confusing and he's not sure how to handle it.

everyone says so - well, plopping him onto the tourist was definitely a cruel move on the side of the atroma - with his best friend from home and a lot of the close family he built for himself.

but this is good, he thinks. him taking it out on him is good. he has to take it out, has to let it go because bottling things up is only going to end in an explosion that would make everyone involved miserable. his voice goes back to its normal register. ]

I'm not superior to you, Pavel. This isn't about threats, or a competition. I'm sure you're a great guy, you wouldn't be Jim and kitty's friend if you weren't. [ her terrible taste is usually limited to the men she dates. ] But as long as there's a part of you that's clinging to that possible future her, being around her is just going to kill you from the inside out [ it's very clear he speaks from experience ] and that's not fair to anyone. I don't know how the future's gonna turn out, but I do know that if you don't give yourself the time and space to grieve and get over her, it's probably not gonna be good.

[Chekov doesn't bottle things up! He likes to think of it as... compartmentalizing. Acknowledging emotions and thoughts that aren't useful, boxing them up, and putting them in storage where they can sit quietly and not bother anyone.

But since nothing about this situation is going to sit quietly, getting it out there is probably for the best. Unfortunately.

The anger and indignation that Pavel was working himself up to dissipate when Winn doesn't respond in kind. Now he's back to sad resignation. It's not his favorite, but at least it's familiar and isn't going to lead to him doing something stupid and alienating himself from all of Winn's fans. That would be uncomfortable.]

I'm not clinging. I know that future is gone. [Someday he'll need to sit Winn down and explain his theories about memory and identity across universes and through time. It's fascinating stuff, really.] Kitty is my friend. If I give myself space from her, then I won't have anyone who knows me. [Except Kirk and McCoy, but they don't really. This is all extremely complicated, okay.]

[ that is bottling things up, hate to break it to you, chekov. for someone who seems to think they're so very different...you are remarkably winnish.

it's unfortunate winn doesn't think that giving him cause to get angry would be helpful, then. he's mostly focused on trying to think of a way to sort this out with minimal pain for kitty. oh and, for the two of them, too. ]

This is probably gonna sound condescending, but I know how you feel. Back home I was in love with my best friend, and she was kind of...my only real friend, at the time. And when she turned me down, it would've been so easy for me to pretend it didn't happen, stay by her side and let it keep eating me alive cuz that's what I was used to doing. It was a lot harder to tell her to back off for a while - and it didn't last long - but if I hadn't done it, I don't know if we could be best friends right now, and I don't think I would've been open to it when Kitty came into my life. I know it's different here, the whole world is foreign and weird - but I just think taking a couple days to let yourself feel what you're feeling is gonna pay off in the long run. I don't want you to lose each other as friends, you've both lost enough.

[ he would love to theorize with him someday, would love for them to get along well enough to be able to do it. he isn't sure if this approach he's taking is good or idiotic, but...he has to try something. he cares too much to watch someone go through what he did when he knows how much that hurts. he had no one to talk to about it and if pavel is anything like him - he probably doesn't either, especially if the everyone he refers to include his big brother who happens to be one of the only people pavel knows in the fleet. ]

[Excuse you, he--no, actually, that's a valid observation.

He listens to Winn. Really listens. This is new territory for him and he likes being well-informed when he finds himself in new places, even if the information comes from an emotionally-confusing individual who can't seem to decide if he wants to stomp on Pavel's heart or make him feel better.]

Okay. [Space sure doesn't feel like the thing that he needs, but Winn speaks from personal experience and seems sincere. Sincere advice shouldn't be turned down.] I understand, and I'll do what you advise. Maybe this is difficult to believe considering what little you know of me, but I don't want to be eaten alive.

I'm sorry that this happened to you before.

[ enjoy the confusion winn also experienced in the fleet when that best friend who rejected him had a crush on basically...mutant him.

sorry pavel, this is pretty confusing territory for him too and trying to sort out his thoughts out loud and in front of him is going to result with some weirdness. he's torn between wanting to be mature about this, wanting to protect kitty and pavel and himself, too - and between wanting to childishly demand he get the hell off his ship. considering how bad it could go - he feels like he's not doing too terribly here so far. ]

I find it hard to believe anyone does. [ he offers him an awkward little attempt at a smile and shrugs. ] Don't, it turned out to be the best thing that could've happened. [ he and kara wouldn't work as a couple, they just wouldn't. and kitty gives him everything he needs. ] And don't worry, I won't talk to Jim about this so feel free to talk to him if you need to.

[This could definitely be going more terribly! Not that it isn't already pretty terrible. He's not going to look back someday and say that it turned out to be the best thing that could've happened. Pavel knows that he and Kitty can be good together. She didn't love him, but they were close. They slept next to each other more nights than not, woke up together, and spent ages trying to convince themselves to stop talking and kissing long enough to get up and make breakfast. He was so completely, stupidly willing to wait for it to become more.

Er. Not that he's going to say any of that, obviously.

He returns the smile with about as much conviction. He won't be talking to Kirk about this, not when there's a two-year gulf between them that Jim doesn't know about yet. It was nice of Winn to leave that option open, though.] Thank you, but please don't censor yourself on my account.

I... ah. I think that I should start backing off right now. Thank you for the advice, Winn. [And Pavel hates himself a little for it, but both of the thank yous are genuine because he has no idea how to go about disliking someone--especially someone is who is so well-liked.]

[ winn would argue that that right there is exactly why he needs the space, the time to realize that he deserves more than someone who doesn't love him but maybe someday if he's patient for long enough, could. he deserves someone who will see him and think - that's who I want, who will make him feel like no one is superior to him in her eyes. and if he finds that, it will be the best thing that could've happened, the same way it has been for winn.

of course, he would only argue that if he were calm, uninvolved, knew chekov, and was also a mind reader so leaving it unsaid is probably for the best. ]

You're welcome. [ that feels like the weirdest thing in the world to say right now, and no, he will absolutely censor himself in front of jim because they do not need to make this any weirder than it already is. he rubs the back of his head with obvious discomfort. ] Look I know that just cuz it worked for me doesn't mean it'll work for everyone but - trying for a couple days can't hurt, right? We're gonna stay planetside, so you can make yourself comfortable here. [ he nods and uh, yeah. backing off feels like the best idea either of them had this whole conversation. ]

[Yes, unfortunately none of those conditions have been met. Would this be better or worse if Winn was a mind reader? We will never know.]

No, it can't. I imagine that very few things could. [That was him trying to lighten the conversation. Didn't work very well, did it?]

Yes, of course, thank you. I will try to do that. [Being comfortable here is entirely impossible since large amounts of water are one of exactly two things in the entire universe that scare him. Thanks, Winn. Thanks, universe.

So, uh. This still feels weird and unresolved, but it'd be weirder if Pavel didn't excuse himself. He waves awkwardly and retreats to his bunk where he intends to live unless someone gives him a compelling reason to not do that. Please send food. Maybe have Jarvis toss a flamingo in.]

[ well, he would probably drive himself crazy so on the one hand pavel would have to watch kitty watch the man she loves go insane. on the other, she'll be available.

hey, winn's afraid of heights. his first few months on the fleet have been spent freaking out cuz space is as high as you can go. he feels you. also, he almost drowned on their last stop so water's not that appealing either...they really need to stop being each other.

he returns the little wave and goes back to what he was doing while waiting for kitty to call and say she found a place. ]

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