Ninth Blight

[bryces_pup]

Who: Riona, a crate of blow up sex dolls, and you
Broadcast: Yep
Action: On the Blue Fish (any visitors keep in mind, the locks are in place again so someone would need to let them on the ship)
When: Tonight

[The video flickers on, panning to one very, very annoyed queen. Behind her and off to the side is a large crate. It's been opened, and if one looks carefully, they might see what looks like arms and legs flopped over the side. Riona begins opening a letter, her movements jerky.]

Lucky me, it's been so long since I've gotten one of these. They appear to be plastic... dolls, I suppose. You're supposed to fill them with air and they take shape. I highly doubt they sent all of these for me, and thus this broadcast. What their purpose is, though, I do not know. They seem a little large to be for children. This note should be enlightening, I think.

[Riona holds it up and begins reading:]

"For Riona and the other sorrowfully separated or single persons in the fleet-" It's going to be one of those kinds of drops, I see. "We sympathize with your frustration and separation. Have some of our top quality models, free of charge, for those nights where the loneliness just gets to be too much. And for you, Riona - after we saw your awakening from your coma and learned of your heartbreaking situation, we were moved. We created a special model, just for you. We think you'll find the likeness striking. We already blew it up for you, and it's ready for immediate... use..."

You - Maker's breath, are these for what I think they're for? [Riona shakes her head in disbelief.] And what did they mean by-

[Frowning, Riona drops the note and walks over to the crate. Rifling through it for a moment, she eventually goes "Ah, found it, I think". She seems to wrestle with something for a moment until, after a hard pull, she wrenches it free. Out comes a fully blown up doll, well within view of the camera. Those from Thedas might recognize a certain Fereldan king that Riona just so happens to be married to.

Riona's shock quickly turns to red-faced anger as she slams the doll back down into the crate. Her jaw tightens as she turns and heads to the device.]

Whoever helps me push this blighted thing out the airlock gets a free drink on me. [As soon as she tosses out her offer, she shuts the feed off.]

Comments

[stabsbothways]

He told you how it all ends, then?

Well, now I'm concerned about spoilers. We haven't found dear old Maric yet back home.

[bryces_pup]

Ah, you were still in the midst of it when you were brought here? What had just happened?

[stabsbothways]

We just escaped the Qunari and Sten-who-isn't-Sten-anymore-because-Qunari-Names-Are-Stupid.

There was fighting, torture, interrogation. Perhaps the tiniest, barely noticeable begruding amount of character growth.

[bryces_pup]

I hear it's Arishok now. I'm sorry I wasn't there to see him again.

[She misses that insufferable stick in the mud.]

Ah, yes. Nothing like some good old fashioned hardship to force you into growth. Not a fun time for any of you. That all happened about two or so years ago, for me.

[stabsbothways]

...I admit, you're not what I imagine when I think 'Ferelden Queen.'

But then, Alistair isn't what I think of when I think 'Ferelden King.'

[bryces_pup]

I get that a lot. We both do. I suppose I should be offended, but I find it works to my advantage better.

[stabsbothways]

...so I should probably withdraw my request for the Alistair sex doll.

[ It was actually more of a question. Did she have to? ]

[bryces_pup]

You were seriously going to ask for that one specifically?

[Riona is none too pleased. That's a hard "no", Bela.]

[stabsbothways]

In my defense I didn't know he was your husband at the time.

Besides, I can't imagine what your objection is, it's not really him.

[bryces_pup]

Fair enough because you didn't know, but as to your claiming the doll, since it's his likeness, the answer is and will always be no.

[stabsbothways]

Fine.

It's not like it would be difficult to make one... honestly I think a nice sturdy wooden doppelganger would serve the purpose much better, anyhow.

[ You gotta look for firmness for that kind of thing. ]

[bryces_pup]

[Riona makes a face at that.]

You really want wood near your nether regions?

[stabsbothways]

Well you obviously aren't going to pull a twig off a tree and use that. You get a carpenter who knows the kind of wood that works best, have it sanded it down, polished...

Even better, can be any shape you want...

Alas, I don't have my collection with me. I'll have to start a new one.

[bryces_pup]

I still feel like that's a splinter in an unfortunate place waiting to happen, but whatever floats your boat.

[stabsbothways]

I've been using wooden cocks for years, and that's only happened once in my recollection.

[ And that was only because she'd been neglecting the care of that one... ]

[bryces_pup]

And that is one too many.

[The horror of that mental image almost makes her shudder.]

I appreciate your mounted defense of all wooden cocks, but I think I'll stick to my fingers. [A pause.] And maybe that rubber one I got last year when I last had a ridiculous sponsor drop.

[stabsbothways]

Heehee. "Mounted."

[bryces_pup]

[EYE ROLL]

If that'll be all, Isabela, I'm going to push these out the airlock and let the vacuum of space enjoy them.

[stabsbothways]

Oh so space gets to enjoy them, but I can't.

[bryces_pup]

Pretty much.