driftfleet | 001; video

Who: Sam Wilson
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Marsiva
When: Today!

Well, now, this is real nice, isn't it? [Judging by the dry tone of Sam's voice, it isn't.] Not that I was doing anything important back home, but it sure as hell beats being scooped up and used to boost ratings on some sort of intergalactic Big Brother. [And, muttered to himself:] I don't even wanna know what happens if you get voted off.

[Back in a normal voice:] So, I'm Sam. Earth, twenty-first century. Guess I'm stuck here for a few days, huh? On the totally not creepy uninhabited giant spaceship. Yeah, I can see the ratings skyrocketing already. This sure better not be some kinda horror show, 'cause I know the black guy's always the first person to get killed by the out of control robots.

-nah, just kidding, they never even have black guys in space to begin with, I'm safe.

[sam what r u even on about]

Also, this food sucks big-time. Come on, can't they feed TV stars better than this? Why couldn't I get trapped on Food Network?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Or you might like it.

[SHRUG]

Man, you grew up Catholic, you probably don't know anything other than missionary with the lights off and the sheets pulled up. [Sam makes a tsking noise.] That poor, poor woman. She could do so much better.

[ rolling his eyes. ]

Is there anything else you'd like to ask or is that it?

[ he won't tell now. on purpose. ]

Nah, now I'm just going to imagine that the two of you spend all your private time playing checkers because you're too damn Steve Rogers to get into a girl's pants.

[Sam pauses for a long moment, and then-]

It's when a girl wears a harness with a dildo on it and fucks you, by the way. Don't knock it till you've tried it.

[MAXIMUM SCANDALIZED TIME]

Thank you, Dear Abby.

[ hmph. ]

If only. You don't really get checkers out there. We do have a pinball machine.

If I were Dear Abby, you might actually take my advice.

[But he's pretty surprised Steve hasn't even blushed yet.]

Uh-huh. So you spend a lotta time trying to get things into holes?

Will I really have to call you back in an hour?

[ he'll do it, wilson. ]

ask a normal question and I might answer.

When I asked a normal question, you didn't answer. That's how we got into this mess.

I swear I'm asking this for a totally unrelated reason [like his own potential sex life okay, it's legit] but do they have, you know, implants to prevent, uh, mistakes or something? Or do you have to find condoms in space?

[Okay mostly unrelated but also HE WILL FIND YOU CONDOMS IF HE HAS TO HE SWEARS TO GOD]

This is the kinda thing where you say you're asking for a friend, but, let's be real, I'm asking for me.

No implants. The augments are bad enough. They sell these things.

[ in a startling variety, actually. ]

Every planet has them, weird as it may sound.

Uh, why would that be weird? People are gonna get it on no matter where they are, Steve. Unless they're you.

[Dramatic eyeroll.]

Wait 'till you see some of the aliens and then we'll talk again.

[ oh boy, he'll set you up with an alien girl JUST FOR THAT. ]

Are we talking sexy aliens, or weird-ass Jabba the Hutt aliens?

[lOOK STEVE some of us are open-minded and not speciesist]

You'll find out soon enough.

[ :D but alright, alright. ]

We live together, Peggy and I.

[oh my god finally. Sam's not even going to make any (more) cracks about their sex life.]

So you're definitely an item, then.

[his tone implies that it's about damn time.]

If it's what you'd like to call it.

[ he could offer it to peggy but he suspects she'd disapprove. They gave up on finding a good term to describe their relationship. ]

If there are any other terms I should be using instead, feel free to correct me on that one.

[Put a ring on it, boy.]

We couldn't find one that fit.

[ the right partner but that is his and hers and not quite a way to introduce each other to other people. ]

She's Peggy. I figure it must say it all.

Fair enough.

[And Sam understands what he means by it. When you're in love, finding a label that fits doesn't always matter, not when it's just the two of you together. It brings back memories, and maybe that's why the smile he gives Steve holds just the barest tinge of sadness. He is genuinely happy for his friend, though, despite all the shit he gives him. And he's happy for Peggy, too, even though he's only just met her.]

The two of you deserve some happiness together. Even if it's while you're stuck together on a space reality show.

Hardly the ideal circumstances but it is what it is. Though it doesn't feel like a show most days.

[ they're being watched at all times, yes, but: ]

I've heard that they'd give fan-mail to people. Never seen it myself so it's been a long time since they've even tried to make it feel like it.

Aw, man, and I know how much you love things like fan mail.

[If there was fan mail, then let's be real, Steve would be getting a lot of it. That's just the way of the world, unfortunately for Steve.]

You tell them about the song? Maybe they'd give you your own theme music to spice things up a little.

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