driftfleet | [open] august starstruck mingle

Pretty official, I guess.

[ which says a lot for him too. Normally he'd be more cheerful about it all. But the weight of past and present mistakes sit heavy on his shoulders. He frowns, focuses his thoughts about what matters. He didn't bring Sam here to talk about his failures.

God knows that would have been much too long of a conversation. ]

I want to give you something. I wanted to for a while. Couldn't find the right time.

Wait, are you proposing to me?

[It's meant as a joke, but seriously, words like that make everyone nervous when they hear them. You should know better, Steve.]

Oh yeah. That's what it is. Couldn't get a ring but you know. Not a lot of jewelry stores up here.

[ in space. It's a blatant lie since he did indeed find an engagement ring at a point but that's hardly here nor there. Steve smiles, shakes his head and walks over to fetch something from his walk in closet.

Red and blue with a single star. The shield is as good today is it was during the war. ]

You know I don't carry this anymore. I want you to have it.

[Sam just stares for a long moment. This is a hell of a lot more serious than an engagement ring. He didn't even know Steve had the shield here, and now he wants to give it to him?]

Why?

[Which is actually more than one question. Why him, why is he giving it up (it's not something they've discussed much back home; he knows why he doesn't have it anymore, but not much beyond that), why...everything.]

It's not mine. Tony reminded me of that after.

[ he doesn't say after what. There's just no need. The fallout between him and Tony is well known to all. ]

His father made it back in the war. He let me carry it. Maybe he knew it'll be a symbol of something and ir was. It still is. [ but not steve, not anymore. ] Tony didn't want me to have it anymore and I think he was right. This has to be with someone else. I can't carry it anymore - but I think you can.

You know, I'm not really sure you should take what Tony Stark says in an emotionally charged moment as gospel truth, Steve.

[He doesn't have a grudge against Stark anymore - if he did in the first place - but honestly? It's the truth. Neither of them were in their right minds in Siberia. Sam had watched Steve fall apart over time, and-

And he's not sure if this isn't a continuation of that.]

So give me a better reason.

Maybe not but I gotta give him that. I owe him that.

[ and as for a better reason, well. He moves to sit, leans the shield on the side of the chair between them. ]

When I took that I knew what I wanted to do with it, what my purpose was. I'm not sure of it anymore. For a few years, I tried. But I can't. I can't keep running from it either. I need to figure it out and I can't do it. Not while carrying this

Steve. [Sam sits down on the bed, runs a hand over his head.] You've never done anything by halves, have you? Even a goddamn identity crisis. I'm not saying your reasoning doesn't make sense, and I'm not saying I won't take the shield.

[Though whether or not he's going to carry it is another thing entirely. Sam's not sure he deserves it.]

What I'm saying is that I've been worried about you for awhile now - since before the Accords. Hell, most of the time I've known you. And I agree that you need to figure out who you are, but you aren't starting from a healthy place. Maybe you'll never be able to, with all you've seen and done. But I don't know if this is the way to go about it.

Not that anyone can remember.

[ bucky complain over steve's tendency to go all out since they were children, after all. ]

You might be right. You probably are. But I gotta start somewhere and - sometime. We've got to try. It'll be easier here than back at the world, anyhow.

[ at their world. 2016. it's so much complicated. ]

[A little dryly, and with years of long-suffering patience behind it:] Trust me, I'm right.

But you're right, too. It'll be a hell of a lot easier here. And I'll take the shield if you really want me to. But I'm gonna ask you for something in return.

You got a lot of shit to unpack, and we both know that. [Probably everyone knows it.] Sometime, when you're feeling up to it, I want you to sit down and talk about it. To me. I just wanna help, Steve, that's all.

I know.

[ and it means a lot, always have. only steve had never once unpacked. not since a night spent in the wreck of a pub in london with one peggy carter. it's been a while since, a very long while.

he sighs, holds out the shield. go on, take it. ]

I'll try. I promise.

[ a bit of a smile. ]

Try not to practice it indoors.

[Sam carefully takes the shield from Steve. It's lighter than he'd expected - physically, at least. Emotionally, well, he can already feel the weight.]

Oh, yeah, there's a lot of not-indoors to practice it in.

[To be fair, his experience with the fleet thus far is more space than planets, so it's easy to see where he might get a little sarcastic about that.]

I'm not sure I could dent Peggy's ship if I tried, anyway.

[Yes, it's Peggy's ship. Sam knows exactly who he's answering to if he does any damage, thank you very much.]

Well if you do dent it you're on your own.

[ what. he loves her to death but she scares him. ]

I'm taking no responsibility for it.

Abandoning me to the mercy of your girlfriend. I see what kind of friend you are.

[Rude, Steve. Natasha is going to be his new best friend. She just doesn't know it yet.]

The kind who knows what's best for him?

[ have you seen the woman when she's mad? :| ]

Chicken.

[Sam just makes a face at him. Worst best friend.]

After everything we've been through together, and this is how you repay me.

All's fair in love and war.

[ he shrugs and not without a grin. good job, sam. look at this merry mood. ]

The former is very different from the latter.

[ sorry, bro. ]

Having met Peggy, I'm not so sure you're right about that.

[He answers with a grin of his own.]

And in the words of the immortal Pat Benatar, 'love is a battlefield'.

You know, that's how we've met. I could do with another metaphor.

[ no more love in the days of war, thank you. ]

Any other immortal words?

[A good-natured grumble under his breath:] Next time I meet a new best friend, I'm checking their sense of humor first.

Sorry, I'm fresh out of musical wisdom. All I'm coming up with is 'this shit is bananas'.

Edited 2017-08-12 19:57 (UTC)

You might try Bucky.

[ look it's important to him that you two will get along ok ]

he likes modern music.

[He doesn't not get along with Bucky, it's just that they kind of troll each other.

A lot.]

And by modern music, you mean like...anything that was released while you were frozen?

[Let it go, Steve.]

He said something about Taylor Swift.

[ so yeah, modern. ]

[Sam has to cover his mouth with a hand to hide a laugh. Thank you for this precious gift, Steve.]

Really? He doesn't seem like a "teardrops on my guitar" kinda guy.

Shows what you know.

[ what a shit. ]

He said her songs are pretty good.

[open] august starstruck mingle

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