voice

[monolike]

Who: Sorey et al
Broadcast: Yes
Action: Iskaulit
When: Shortly after drifting (late September)


.voice.

Hi everybody. My name's Sorey; I'm First Mate on the Huntress, but uh...

[He pauses. Sighs and starts over.]

A lot of people are missing. People we love. People who we don't know if they'll be back; there's a chance, definitely, a good chance, but that doesn't mean the pain and fear and the grief will go away. Sometimes, it even gets worse. The uncertainty is almost as terrible as the loss itself.

I'll be conducting memorial services in the Interfaith Center for the next week, every day at noon. Anybody is welcome to attend. It won't be anything fancy; lighting candles and burning incense, tea, reading some things from texts I've picked up along the way. If you don't want to come but you'd like me to say something for you during the service, feel free to leave it here. I'll add it to everything.


Also, if you'd like to come by just to have some quiet, or for a listening ear, I'll be here most times. There's an area where you can pray or set up altars or anything that you'd find more comfortable; we just ask that you cover up any symbols you make when you finish. If you need any help building anything, please let me know, I've got a shop area back on my ship.


Religious ties aren't necessary, either, and there's a meditation room next door if you just need some space to think. Please come by if you need anything.


.action. - Iskaulit

[Sorey can be found puttering about the Interfaith Center on most days during the current drift. He's usually in the kitchen, sometimes with Mikleo, as well as praying at the small elemental altar in a corner of the prayer chamber, separated from the lounge area by a curtain.

Sometimes he's curled up on one of the couches in the lounge with a book or a set of hand-drawn maps, frowning as he scribbles notes and erases lines.]

Comments

[monolike]

Or Dezel would, [Sorey comments idly, scowling at a stubborn tangle and stripping off his gloves to get at it more carefully. what do you do to make this happen, dad]

[airily]

[ He makes a little noise in the back of his throat. ] Is that what you wanna talk about right now? [ He's a wind seraph, Sorey, sometimes your hair goes with the flow. ]

[monolike]

No, [Sorey says, working out the tangle practically strand-by-strand. He's gonna get this, his hard work ain't goin' to waste.] But I think you could stand to go for the things you want a little more than you already do.

[airily]

I go for what I want. [ He frowns. He might not put pressure on Dezel, but he does make overtures, he does flirt, he does nudge. ] I wouldn’t get anywhere if I didn’t, right?

[monolike]

You did sort of exile yourself for a couple hundred years. [like, that is honest to god the definition of 'not getting anywhere.']

[airily]

... That was so I could find a way to help- [ Eizen. So what if he doesn’t chase what he wants like other people? He does get there, in the end, doesn’t he? He just takes his time sometimes... ]

[monolike]

[Sorey doesn't press him for more, just humming a nondescript sound as he finishes this lock of hair, pulling his fingers gently though it to make sure it's all smooth.]

...all done.

[airily]

[ Zaveid sighs, quietly, before he turns his head to look up at Sorey. ]

You remember the dragon you saw, right? The woman?

[monolike]

[Stills in smoothing Zaveid's hair back when he turns.] Mm. Theodora.

[airily]

[ Hey, that felt good. ]

I loved her. She was... Pretty much everything and we were gonna spend the rest of our lives together. Then she became a dragon.

[monolike]

[Resumes petting his hair when Zaveid pushes into his hand a little. He doesn't interrupt; Zavied almost never talks about his past, and has never mentioned Theodora outside of his Calibrations room. He should have the freedom to say whatever he needs to here, without judgment.]

[airily]

[ It's awkward, being the only one talking, but it's not something he actually talks about. He doesn't mention Theodora, doesn't bring up the children, doesn't dare for fear of how it might hurt him. It's easier, to talk to Sorey about it - they're bridging the gap of their shattered trust, and this is bringing it back together. ]

I watched Eizen and his friends murder her, y'know. And it was murder, back then. I didn't realise how bad it was until Eizen and I were poisoned with her Malevolence. Then I realised... She wasn't gonna come back. Not that time.

[ The gun in his hand, the whip of the wind, the cold ice that sunk into his bones, the bruises and the bites and the press of graven and rocks into his back; years of love and romance with Theodora tainted with memories of her dragon-self trying to rip him apart. ]

I had Eizen after that, but... He turned, too, and that was my fault. He saved me from my own curse and he drank too much of Theo's Malevolence. Then he had to be put down. Silva, just a kid, turned into a dragon - remember those bones we saw? I knew him. I knew that dragon too, Sorey.

[ And it fucking hurts. It burns inside of him and he breathes out, bowing his head, eyes closed. ]

Dezel forgot me, and he died because of Siegfried. Mikleo turned into a dragon and I did it, Sorey, because that's what I do. I know how to handle dragons now.

[ The point he's trying to make - well, he feels like this is the worst time, but his heart is open and bare and he fiddles with the bracelet on his wrist, beaded and beautiful. ]

I don't go after what I want. It just doesn't work out for me.

[monolike]

...doesn’t it, though?

[Sorey’s hand stills in Zaveid’s hair, long locks wrapped around his fingers before he slowly combs them through again. Keeps combing, for Zaveid’s sake, for his own.]

You wouldn’t be wearing that bracelet otherwise. [Yeah, he noticed. He just didn’t say anything.]

Theodora became a dragon…but didn’t you have time with her anyway? And Eizen, didn’t you have time with him? With Dezel? Could you say you’d trade those moments to avoid the pain that came after? [Sorey sighs through his nose, resting his chin on the arm of the couch.] I dunno, maybe you would. I don’t think you would.

But you came to me and asked to join up with us. Maybe you did it out of obligation, and figured you’d move on once everything was done, but that’s not how it happened. We became friends. You put your life down for us. And after everything, you stayed with Mikleo and Lailah and Edna, and you traveled with other Shepherds and you were with Rose and Alisha until they died.

Those aren’t the actions of a man afraid to go for what he wants. That’s how someone acts when they know that time is fleeting, and they want to savor every moment they have with the people they love. That’s what I think.

[airily]

Jeez, Sorey.

[ He'd be embarrassed if he was the type, but Zaveid thinks his body gave up on trying to manage blushing years ago. He closes his eyes, trying to swallow back all the things he's feeling, and it's heavy and a little bit hurtful. He's too used to making light of things, of his suffering, of his life, used to playing the joker. Coming to terms with his own sadness isn't something he's particularly keen on.

What is he meant to say? Zaveid doesn't quite agree, not really, because his motivations have never been quite that pure. He had started with Sorey because of a touch of obligation and because of the strength to defeat Eizen, but now... ]

You make it sound so easy. Go spend time with Eizen, spend time with Dezel, hang out with Mikleo, as if I don't remember all the things that happened.

[ The gunshot, the roar of dragons, the sound of a maw opening and a Lord of Calamity being devoured... Those are the things he can't really forget, no matter how hard he tried. ]

I don't know how it works, Sorey. I don't know how I haven't turned into a dragon myself, how come I haven't gone off like Theodora did and Eizen did. It's... It ain't right. That's how it feels - like I'm waiting for it to be my turn. I gotta come sometime.

[ He's been lucky this far, and he bows his head. He's too old and too tired and one day Malevolence will catch up with him and that'll be it - and who will be there to destroy him? Old and powerful and bitter, transforming into a dragon? Would his scales be snowy-white like Theodora's were, or would he become dark and dangerous like Eizen? ]

I think... [ And his heart is racing, just a little bit, his hands clenching. ] I think I'm getting scared, Sorey.

[monolike]

[This is something Sorey will never be able to understand, too. He’s become a hellion; he knows why, he knows how, but it’s not the same as becoming a dragon. One day, maybe Zaveid will have been poisoned enough, maybe there will be too much malevolence and he’ll turn. Maybe one day his aching, broken heart will finally falter and he’ll fall into darkness.

Maybe he'll find more humans he can trust. Maybe.

Sorey shifts forward, leaning over the couch to wrap his arms around Zaveid’s shoulders, clasp his hands over his heart and bury his face against his hair. His lifespan has always been set, been finite; even growing up in a village of immortal beings hadn’t disillusioned Sorey of that. He knows that if battle or illness doesn’t take him first, old age will usher him into the stillness of death, no matter what he does.

Maybe it’s more frightening for someone like Zaveid; that even if he becomes a dragon and if someone comes along strong enough to kill him, it’s the end of everything. Either way he fears for the end of himself, and that’s something that Sorey can understand. It’s no reason to deny yourself the joy of living, but it’s a terrifying prospect all the same, and nothing he can say will change that.]

I’ll protect you, [is what he says instead, whispered into Zaveid’s hair, eyes closed as he holds him.] If you get scared, come to where I am. I’ll be asleep for a long time, but Maotelus can just shove over and make room for you whenever you need me.

I told you, didn’t I? I’m your vessel. I’ll take whatever oath I need to take, so I can be your place of peace for the rest of your days.

[airily]

[ Zaveid is old. He knows it, and everyone that knows him is aware of it too; he's lived through literal ages in time, from one Lord of Calamity to the other, through time that Sorey considers ancient history. He was there for the first ever 'Shepherd', back when Seraphim were visible, before the humans lost that again. He knew the first Lord of Calamity and the last, knew of Artorius and was close with Sorey.

He knew Maotelus, from when he was barely a child, chained and unaware of the world just as he had been.

Zaveid has been a slave to humans, had been chained and broken, had been freed and fought for the lives of the people he cared about. He had been a father and a lover and a friend and he had lost it all throughout his life, watching things slip away to pain and hurt and malevolence, the world taking the parts of him away until there was very little left. He was tired and he was sad, sometimes, without a way to explain it, without a way to fix it, and he knew it was age preying on him. Exhaustion burned under his skin and even being here, on this fleet, wasn't always enough. The pain found him here, too, even if he shouldered it without complaint.

How is his life going to end? It's a valid question. Some serpahim just live and live and live and wander and support humans. Some turn into dragons and get destroyed by anyone with the strength to help them. Some are hellions, some are killed, some are sacrificed. He doesn't know how his story is going to end, but he knows it's going to be a long one - the chapters of his life are there for the world to talk about now. Velvet, Eizen, Rokurou and Eleanor knowing one half, Mikleo, Dezel, Sorey and Edna knowing the other.

The arms around his neck ground him and he breathes out a shuttering noise, squeezing his eyes closed tight. How long has it been since the weight of protection hadn't been on his own shoulders? How long had it been since he really trusted someone else to take care of him? Not since Theodora - centuries of protecting others, bearing their pain, promising their death, never stopping or pausing for fear of what it might mean. ]

Yeah? I guess he was always good at sharing.

[ Not Laphicet anymore, though, is he? He's bigger and stronger now, protecting the entire world. Zaveid feels incredibly small in comparison. He fights the tears that gather in his eyes and leans back against Sorey - and a part of him thinks that this must look completely ridiculous, a seraph of his size leaning against a small, fragile human, desperate for his strength and his support, but... Sorey is far stronger than anyone could imagine.

Zaveid realises, suddenly, that he doesn't have to shoulder this alone. Sorey's shoulders can bear a little of his burden, can take some of the weight away. He doesn't have to be in exile.

He doesn't really mean to cry, either, but that happens too, and he's powerless to stop it. ]

I know where to go. If I ever feel like a long old nap you'll be the first person I go and see, alright?

[monolike]

I hope so, [Sorey says, squeezing Zaveid again before withdrawing to resume playing with his hair. He might have to follow up on that; just leaving Zaveid an open invitation never works out well, but maybe if he keeps on him, he'll remember.]

[airily]

Would you believe me if I promised? [ It's his name, after all, and it's impossible to forget. He leans back into Sorey's touch, cheeks damp and his entire body tired, weighed down with his exhaustion and the beat of his heart. ]

[monolike]

You don't have to, [Sorey tells him easily, stroking his bangs away from his head and hugging him again.] But you look like you could use a rest now, honestly.

[airily]

[ It's so easy to lean back against Sorey and he breathes out, relaxing, letting some of the tension fall from his shoulders. ]

... I'm not gonna sleep.

[ Nightmares, bro. ]

[monolike]

You don't have to. I'm going to be here all day, just praying and stuff. Maybe you could stick around.

[airily]

... Yeah. I guess that could work. [ He's definitely in the 'pro being around Sorey' camp right now. ] I won't be a pain.

[monolike]

Would you still be you if you weren't? [A little Edna channelling there for you, though judging by how tightly Sorey's hugging his shoulders, he doesn't mean it.]

[airily]

[ Zaveid just nudges him gently. ]

You're being mean to a poor old man!

[monolike]

That's because whenever I'm nice to you, you go, [and here is a terrifyingly accurate impression of Zaveid's face screwing up in discomfort,] "aw, Sorey, c'mon..." And then you run off and I don't hear from you for like two days!