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Who: Leilani Lavellan and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: On the Blue Fish
When: Now, after gifts have been opened!

[ The video opens with Leilani fiddling with something in her hands, but she's quick to turn her attention to the camera and focus on the people she's talking to. She's well practiced at the art of focussing her attention on people rather than things; the Inquisition had demanded it from her, and she barely had any time of her own. No time for worries or fears or sadness; only work and fighting for whatever future Thedas had left. ]

In my clan we did not celebrate the winter as the rest of the world did. I didn't recognise that there were different celebrations until I became the Inquisitor, and then it felt as though I was pretending to understand something that was completely alien to me.

[ Frowning, she drops the necklace from her hands. ]

I'd like to know more about your traditions, if you'll appease me. I've never had much time to sit and talk about these sorts of things, so anything that you might be able to tell me would be welcome. There is always time to learn something new.

[ It also distracts her, so it's a welcome relief. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

We have no traditions in the Fade, but I have witnessed the dreams and memories of many celebrations from the mortal realm. I cannot be certain whether any were accurate reflections of your world, however.

[But that's not really what he's concerned with. She seems... bothered by something. Maybe the bone in her hand?]

Are you well?

I was told, once, that memories are coloured with the thoughts and opinions of whoever lived them. I suppose that would make it difficult to understand traditions properly.

[ Sighing, she shakes her head. ]

I have felt better.

Indeed. Oftentimes, many versions of the same memory will overlap. One can enter a memory framed in one way, and then the framing can change, and the entire meaning of the memory has changed with it.

[There is silence as Justice considers what she said.]

Would it be helpful if I asked questions? [She said it was helpful last time. Justice wants to help make her feel better, but he feels under-equipped to do it.]

That is what makes the Fade so difficult, I suppose. I had... [ Sigh. ] Solas mentioned it. He learned much from studying memories.

[ Breathing out, she shifts, making herself comfortable. ]

You can ask. It might be helpful.

It is easy to navigate if you are familiar with it. Or perhaps it is simply in my nature to find it easier to live in than you would.

[Okay. If she thinks questions might be helpful, then he is happy to ask them.]

What is wrong?

The last time I was in a memory because of the Fade it wasn't me controlling it.

[ But... Here they go. She feels a swell of guilt for relying on Justice like this, for burdening him, but she fights it back as best she can. ]

I've been given a gift that's hurt, just a little.

One does not always need to control their environment in order to navigate the Fade. Often, it is enough to simply control oneself.

[Justice doesn't see this as a burden. It may not be strictly in service of his virtue, but he still likes being helpful. He often feels useless when people he cares about are in pain, and being given an easy way to help makes him feel better.]

What is the gift?

Sometimes that is just as much of an issue for people.

[ She's heard about the Harrowing, of course, and having been physically in the Fade... Well. ]

A necklace. It belonged to a friend, once.

Perhaps this is why mortals have so much trouble in the Fade.

[Listen, if you can't change your form at will in dreams, you're not even trying.]

Why does that hurt you?

It's not quite as natural for us as it should be, perhaps.

[ If what Solas tells her is true, at least. Still, she grips the jawbone, bowing her head. ]

He is the one that abandoned me.

I am sorry. [And he is. Justice has certainly been left behind before, but he doesn't remember it ever really feeling like abandonment. He doesn't know how it feels to be abandoned by someone you care about, but he imagines it's terrible.]

What do you need?

[ She's told Justice bits and pieces of the story of Solas, but she's not sure if he's put all the puzzle parts together just yet. Pushing herself forward, she shakes her head, breathing out. ]

Time. I just need some time to adjust to the reminder.

[Justice is putting some of the pieces together, gradually.]

This is the friend you mentioned to me before, correct?

Yes. It's the same friend as before.

[ It makes it easier, she thinks, being aware that he knows. ]

[Hmm. The friend that betrayed her. Justice doesn't understand how she feels, but he does try to be compassionate.]

Is there something I can do to assist?

[He can't intuit how to heal hurts like a spirit of compassion can, but he's discovered that simply asking can sometimes reveal that.]

[ It's messy and definitely complicated, but she appreciates the fact that Justice is even trying to help. ]

I must suffer this pain alone, I think, but if you are free and would not mind company I would share my time with you.

Very well. Would you like me to visit you in the Blue Fish?

[He tries. He knows that he's not good at this kind of thing, but he truly wants to be helpful, for what it's worth.]

Only if you've no other plans. I don't want to steal you away.

I have no other plans.

[He hangs up without further ado. It is not much long after that that there is a significantly more attractive (but no less awkward) spirit is on the ship. It's lucky that Riona has taught him about knocking, because otherwise he'd just barge into Leilani's room. Instead, he gently knocks.]

[ It's not like she isn't used to people not-knocking these days - the amount of people who just swan into her rooms at Skyhold was ridiculous - but she appreciates it all the same, expression soft as she opens the door. ]

Come in, Justice. Make yourself at home.

[ Why did Riona and Anders make him so hot - ]

[Because they thought it’d make his life easier, but also they wanted eye candy.

Justice comes into her room, immediately sitting on the nearest surface, which happens to be the edge of her bed. He’s been told that it helps to make him appear more at ease if he doesn’t just stand motionless during a conversation, so this should make him less off-putting.]

I confess that I am not experienced in matters of comfort, but I am ready to do whatever you might find helpful.

I've never been adept at it myself. I sometimes end up just bringing alcohol and hoping it works.

[ She has no idea how she managed to comfort Bull nor Dorian, or even Cassandra - all of it was messy and complicated. Solas had wandered off on his own, Vivienne had held her sadness away from her, as a weapon, and Blackwall had run away. Her own sadness was a mantle she kept far from everyone else, refusing to let it drag her down or take anyone with it.

It was her own suffering, and she was accustomed to bearing it alone. ]

Usually, mortals might tell stories, or share a drink, or embrace one another if they're quite close.

Alcohol seems to be a counterproductive method of comfort. I fought besides a dwarf who used it frequently, and I do not believe that I ever saw him sober. It seemed to cause more problems than it solved.

[As for stories or an embrace... stories, he could do without a problem. He witnessed many things in the Fade. An embrace would be new, but not anathema.]

What do you believe would soothe you the most?

Perhaps that is because he was not using it to comfort himself. Sometimes, people use alcohol to forget, or to pretend their feelings don't hurt.

[ Not a crutch she has ever had, but the knowledge that she might... She doesn't want to fall so deep. ]

You could hold my hand again.

[Justice dips his head, then reaches out and folds her Marked hand into his. Part of him feels selfish for holding her hand, since he takes so much pleasure from it as well, but this is what she said she wanted. He resists the urge to just melt into the song of the Fade humming in her palm, and he rubs his thumb along her knuckles over and over. Is it too much to do that? He trusts her to let him know if it is.]

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