Anders (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
apurrstate) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
driftfleet2017-12-19 11:13 pm
apurrstate) wrote in driftfleet2017-12-19 11:13 pm
Entry tags:
[Closed] You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve
Who: Anders, Riona and Justice
Then Anders and Wolfe
Broadcast: No
Action: Iskaulit herb garden, then Malum
When: Forward dated to early January
They'd had plenty of time to decompress from the stresses of the red planet and the exploding one before it. Anders had even taken the time to speak to Hermione and Vash about how might be best to talk to Justice about the issue the spirit had long since known Anders was avoiding. And he was avoiding it, as though putting it off would delay it forever. As if he could truly hide something so important from one of his closest friends and a spirit.
One day, either through Atroma's slip or his own, Justice would finally see the massive hole in Anders' soul, the piece of him ripped away by Allen's blade and sent back to the Fade, the chasm that would be damningly Justice-shaped. It was only by the grace of the Maker he hadn't found out yet. The Maker as well as Fenris and Hawke and anyone else who knew keeping their mouths shut.
But they couldn't hold this dance for the rest of their time here...and, in the end, it wasn't fair to either of them. It had nearly been half a year. The lies and dodged questions would have to stop. Anders needed to stop it.
He orchestrated carefully. First, he sent a message to Riona to tell her he'd changed his mind. It was a deeply personal matter, this conversation, but if anyone else had any right to be there, it was their commander and best friend. She could bring a balance to the situation, should...Anders didn't even know what. If Justice grew angry or somehow suddenly violent, it would be the least the mage would deserve. No, it wasn't for that, it was for if Justice went the other way and sunk into the despair he expected would be his friend's eventual reaction. Anders would want to comfort him, to be there for him, but Anders would be the source of distress to begin with. Justice would need someone else.
Justice might not even want to talk to or see him again after this. Anders would deserve that too.
After Riona, it was Hermione to tell her he needed the herb garden, a place with a soothing and natural atmosphere would, hopefully, help. Then Wolfe, just to let him know...in case. In case of anything. At the very least to let his love know where he was disappearing off to and not to search for him.
Last was Justice himself. Just a simple message sent to start off the inevitable avalanche.
"Meet me and Riona in the herb garden on the Iskaulit. I owe you some answers."
He didn't wait for any of the replies, he went to the greenhouse himself and tended the elfroot and embrum and deep mushrooms and various other plants he and Hermione had planted there for their potions. Busy and familiar work to cope with the painful and ever-tightening knot threatening to choke him from his chest.
One way or the other, it would all be over after today.
Then Anders and Wolfe
Broadcast: No
Action: Iskaulit herb garden, then Malum
When: Forward dated to early January
They'd had plenty of time to decompress from the stresses of the red planet and the exploding one before it. Anders had even taken the time to speak to Hermione and Vash about how might be best to talk to Justice about the issue the spirit had long since known Anders was avoiding. And he was avoiding it, as though putting it off would delay it forever. As if he could truly hide something so important from one of his closest friends and a spirit.
One day, either through Atroma's slip or his own, Justice would finally see the massive hole in Anders' soul, the piece of him ripped away by Allen's blade and sent back to the Fade, the chasm that would be damningly Justice-shaped. It was only by the grace of the Maker he hadn't found out yet. The Maker as well as Fenris and Hawke and anyone else who knew keeping their mouths shut.
But they couldn't hold this dance for the rest of their time here...and, in the end, it wasn't fair to either of them. It had nearly been half a year. The lies and dodged questions would have to stop. Anders needed to stop it.
He orchestrated carefully. First, he sent a message to Riona to tell her he'd changed his mind. It was a deeply personal matter, this conversation, but if anyone else had any right to be there, it was their commander and best friend. She could bring a balance to the situation, should...Anders didn't even know what. If Justice grew angry or somehow suddenly violent, it would be the least the mage would deserve. No, it wasn't for that, it was for if Justice went the other way and sunk into the despair he expected would be his friend's eventual reaction. Anders would want to comfort him, to be there for him, but Anders would be the source of distress to begin with. Justice would need someone else.
Justice might not even want to talk to or see him again after this. Anders would deserve that too.
After Riona, it was Hermione to tell her he needed the herb garden, a place with a soothing and natural atmosphere would, hopefully, help. Then Wolfe, just to let him know...in case. In case of anything. At the very least to let his love know where he was disappearing off to and not to search for him.
Last was Justice himself. Just a simple message sent to start off the inevitable avalanche.
"Meet me and Riona in the herb garden on the Iskaulit. I owe you some answers."
He didn't wait for any of the replies, he went to the greenhouse himself and tended the elfroot and embrum and deep mushrooms and various other plants he and Hermione had planted there for their potions. Busy and familiar work to cope with the painful and ever-tightening knot threatening to choke him from his chest.
One way or the other, it would all be over after today.
no subject
And still, that demand wasn't what he heard coming from his own mouth.
"Alright." It would be too kind to call it a whisper, more like a rough escape of air without voice moving past this lips. What else could he say? What right did he really have to demand anything of Justice?
Death is an appropriate sentence for corruption, possession, and wanton murder of the innocent. It was true and it was as much his truth as Justice's. If Justice deserved to die for Anders' crimes, then Anders himself deserved far worse.
"Please-" He choked on his own voice as he spoke up again, but stopped and stepped away from his friend to offer the escape he wished. "No, I have no more right to ask anything of you. I won't keep you here any longer."
In case Justice somehow got it in his mind Anders had some right to speak to him anymore, Anders turned away to his plants as though they could really hold any sliver of his attention now.
no subject
Without justice, he is nothing. He has no name, no purpose, no identity. The thought that anyone might care for him independent of that, that anyone might care for him even if he does fail to live up to that integral part of himself, is entirely foreign.
There are so many things he doesn't understand. So many things he still is struggling to process, struggling to grasp. Maybe he never will.
Anders lets him go and turns away. It is both a relief and one last knife in his chest. Justice has a feeling that he's just lost both his friends. Maybe he did a long time ago, and he's only the last to find out.
After all those years in the Fade, working and fighting on his own, Justice still has never felt more lonely than he does in this moment.
"I am sorry, Anders. For everything."
It's not much, but it's all he has right now.
Justice vanishes. He goes far away, somewhere he can be all alone. The leopard starts yowling, pacing up and down the greenhouse like that will make him come back.
He never does.