ACTION! Meeting people!

[killedwithlove]

Who: Cole and anyone who stands still long enough to be talked to
Broadcast: No.
Action: One ALL fleet ships except The Tourist and The Three Twins
When: During the week.

Cole doesn't like the communicators. He finds it too disorientating to talk to people and have that vast distance between them.

Instead, he's setting out to visit each of the ships and meet the people on board. He likes people and he likes meeting and talking with people and he'd far rather do that face to face.

Don't worry. He doesn't take up much space and he takes up no supplies. He just wants to meet people.

But... he gives The Tourist and The Three Twins a wide berth. Fenris had been very clear that he was not to see Cole again and Cole will respect that by avoiding the places he seems to be.

Anyone from those ships will have to be visitors somewhere else to run into Cole.

Comments

[killedwithlove]

[Cole makes a distressed noise and pulls his hat down, like he could hide in it.]

I didn't mean to hurt him! I didn't know he was there! I was visiting Solas and he was there and-

[He had been enraged beyond feeling his pain.

Cole gets to his feet in a smooth, sudden motion, shying towards the shadows.]

I won't go there again. Not near him, not near Dorian. I promise. Please don't hate me.

[merchantprince]

[Varric gets up too, mostly because he's not sure if Cole's going to run off or something. His hands are raised in a gesture of surrender, of wanting to bring calm.]

Whoa! Easy there, Kid-- I'm not going to hurt you. Or hate you. I probably couldn't do either if I tried. [How the fuck do you hurt a spirit??? He tries to speak slowly, calmly.]

Who said you can't go near Dorian?

[killedwithlove]

[This is the Varric Cole remembers. He speaks and he's calm and soothing and Cole feels himself unwinding again.]

Most people are like cats. They either puff up to look dangerous or they crouch down and hope you don't see them. You show them you're not a victim or threat, and they're in your lap and purring before you know it.

[He pulls Varric's rough tones out of his own throat, the way the words roll off his tongue and down his broken nose.]

I did. Fenris and Dorian were in a room together, and Dorian soothed Fenris and I don't know much about those sort of relationships, but there's one there and Fenris won't feel safe if he thinks he might encounter me, so I can't go where he will. Will you help me write that down, and give it to him? You're good with words.

[merchantprince]

[He opens his mouth, then closes it. That is definitely Varric's own advice. He rubs the side of his head, tries to gather his thoughts as Cole speaks. The way he talks is a bit like an excited child, not always making sense, words barely touching his tongue before they stumble out and all over.

No wonder he has trouble.]

I can help you. It's fine. [He's not surprised that Fenris apparently already scared the piss out of the spirit-child but, shit.] Let me get this straight, first: you want to let Fenris know that you're avoiding him? Or Dorian?

[... That seems... dangerous. And a little redundant. But Varric could probably spin it in a way that doesn't make Fenris fucking fly off the handle about being called scared, probably, maybe? If necessary. He could also just be misinterpreting Cole so that's why he's asking.]

[killedwithlove]

[There's so much in Cole's head, history, feelings, memories, Varric and him and it gets messy and confusing. He can feel the dull aching disconnect of Cullen somewhere nearby, but he's trying not to hear that.]

Both! So he knows he can visit Dorian, and I won't be there! He hates me and I hurt him terribly, so I need to not be near him, ever. If he knows I won't be on his ship, or on Dorian's, then he knows he won't have to ever see me again.

[He's so excited about this solution. He can avoid hurting Fenris again, just by being careful about where he goes.]

[merchantprince]

Talking to the elf is kind of like trying to navigate a room full of traps you can't see: you never know what you'll wind up stepping on. You're not the first guy to piss him off and you won't be the last, so don't take it too personally. I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt him, kid. No one does.

[Because then they end up with a hand through their chest.]

I'll... write a letter.

[killedwithlove]

A lot of people are angry about what I am, or hurt, or scared, but no one has hurt like Fenris did. I don't want to ever hurt anyone like that again.

[The last sentence is breathed out, little more than a whisper.]

And you'll make sure that he knows? That I'll stay well away from his places, he won't have to see me on either of those ships, ever.

[merchantprince]

He hurts a lot. Probably all the time.

[Varric nods.]

I promise. And if one of them ends up on another ship, I'll let you know so you can avoid that one instead.

[He doesn't feel like that's much of a solution, but he'll take it over flat out homicide.]

We'll figure it out.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole is just a bit more upset at the idea that anyone hurts that much, all the time.]

How does he hurt so much and not die? When Cole hurt that much, he was dying.

[merchantprince]

[His voice is soft. Despite their disagreements, Fenris is a dear friend.]

Hard to say. All I know is that he still gets up every day, tags along on an adventure or two, and then shows up for a round of cards. Obviously he's got something to live for, but I'll be damned if anyone will tell you what it is straight up.

If he's hurting but he's still trying-- then that's enough, don't you think? That's his way of moving on. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things.

[Some healthier than others.]

[killedwithlove]

[Cole hums. He doesn't understand the idea 'something to live for' exactly. You either live, or you don't.]

I just... don't understand. when Cole hurt that much, he died. Maybe... some hurts don't kill you...

You just live with it, until you die. Of something else. Or that hurt.

Inside hurts... don't necessarily kill mortals...

[merchantprince]

[Ah. Yeah, that might be confusing to a spirit. He nods, encouraging.]

That's right. Sometimes the pain is so bad that... that you feel like you're better off dead. Even if you just go through the motions, talk to people, do your job-- it doesn't feel like you're in your own body. You feel empty.

[He adjusts his coat.]

But... you can come back from that. Sometimes you just have to see it through.

[killedwithlove]

[Rhys had never explained that. Hadn't thought he needed to, but to Cole, death had been the only end of suffering. He hadn't realised people could be like that and get better. He's still really wrapping his head around it, truth be told.]

Empty, but not actually empty, like the Tranquils.

I think... I understand. You say things in ways that make sense to me.

[merchantprince]

[Ugh. The Tranquil. That's definitely not... a good fate. He feels bad about mages in general. They deserve better. He just-- doesn't vocalize it a lot.

Also Anders really didn't need to blow shit up, but that's neither here nor there.]

Yeah, it's a little different.

[He smiles a little, and reaches out to adjust the brim of Cole's hat. Which means he has to reach up quite a bit. whoops.]

That's kind of what I do, Kid. I put things into words, then I put those words on paper.

[killedwithlove]

[Varric reaches and Cole comes back, sitting down on the floor near Varric to let him adjust his hat. He hugs his knees to his chest, watching over the tops of them.]

Lots of people try to do it, but you do it in a way I understand.

[merchantprince]

[He's hesitant about it not because Cole's a spirit but because some people respond really badly to touch. (Fenris is one.) But he does adjust the hat a little bit so it sits more comfortably, and so Cole can actually see.]

I'm glad, then. Bestselling author or not, I don't really hear that much.

[Varric, your altruism is showing.]

[killedwithlove]

[Cole doesn't always react well to being touched, but he likes Varric, so Varric can do it.]

Cassandra reads me Hard in Hightown and Swords and Shields sometimes, and I don't always understand, but she explains it to me. I like your words.

[merchantprince]

[His eyebrow jumps up.]

Cassandra does? Really?

[Then again, she'd read Tale of the Champion. But, still... He didn't think she was a fan. He rubs at his nose. Maybe there's more to the Seeker than just literary abuse and fury.]

Swords and Shields isn't really my best work, but I'm... glad you like my stuff. [He is. And a little embarrassed, somehow, because there's always a risk in putting your art out there. It's like sending out a little piece of yourself.]

Give yourself some time. When you know a little more about how the world works, maybe you can write some words down too.

[killedwithlove]

Yes. She likes Swords and Shields best. I like when she reads it because it's her favourite.

[His feet slide out and apart to he can lean forwards, all angles and awkward poses but he's comfortable.]

Spirits don't use words like mortals do. It's interesting, but strange. I don't really feel a need to put words down. I can copy writing, but I'm not very good at it.

I'd rather listen to your stories.

[merchantprince]

So the Seeker has a heart beneath all that armor after all. Could've fooled me.

[He doesn't want to be too bitter around Cole but it just. happens. Cassandra is not his favorite person right now, not after she interrogated him just to try and drag Hawke into the Chantry mess. And now he knows there's demons involved and Varric got dragged into it instead? Yeah, not his favorite person.]

All right, fair enough. You keep helping me write, and I'll tell more stories. How about that?

[He'd do it anyway.]

[killedwithlove]

She cares very deeply, but she knows how to make herself not care when she has a duty to do.

It's uncomfortable. She becomes a little less real. It's how I know she's going to make herself do what's right rather than what she wants.

[Cole is actually quite fond of Cassandra, for a lot of reasons.]

I'd help you anyway. And you'd keep telling stories, the voices get too loud and demanding when you ignore them.